


Exclusive.

by Emilygeorge37



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Actor Magnus Bane, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Doctor Alec Lightwood, Falling In Love, Family Drama, M/M, POV First Person, Paparazzi, Secret Past, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-03-01 20:49:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 65,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13302933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilygeorge37/pseuds/Emilygeorge37
Summary: At 27 years old Magnus Bane was leading what most would consider a charmed life.  His latest film had been a worldwide runaway success and girls (and boys) swooned over him wherever he went.  To the rest of the world, Magnus was living the dream.  Whilst back home in Brooklyn for a well-earned rest from his latest promotional tour, Magnus meets Alec and they embark upon a series of intensely passionate encounters. Magnus quickly falls for Alec’s enigmatic and alluring nature but a series of bizarre events and conversations lead him to question Alec's past and its impact on their future.   What is this captivating but distant man hiding and why is Magnus so infatuated with him? But most importantly, how can any semblance of a relationship hope to survive the incompatibility of their opposing lives?





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Magnus

 

“Need a break hot shot?” Raphael scoffed as he caught a glimpse of his friend staring longingly through the window of the old bar. Magnus turned and raised a sarcastic eyebrow from underneath his scruffy baseball cap, before checking his watch and nodding wearily towards the door. 

Just past six o’clock on a warm evening in Brooklyn and the small pub they’d stumbled across had drawn Magnus in with its modest eccentricity and quiet charm. The type of place frequented by those wanting to avoid the contemporary high-end bars that had sprung up on mass all over the cooler parts of New York. The type of place, Magnus contemplated, where anyone seeking it could find relaxing anonymity nestled within lethargic complacency. 

They pushed their way through the heavy set burgundy red doors and walked into the eclectic and antiquated interior. The main room was narrow with a long expanse of mahogany and mirrored shelves behind which displayed hundreds of bottles of exotic spirits and pewter tankards. There were tables for couples, stools for singles and right at the back, two small mismatched coffee tables each flanked by a pair of old weathered sofas. The eccentric shape of the room tapered into this area, so much so that the sofas practically sat next to each other creating an intimate setting almost hidden away from the rest of the cosy bar.

With their heads low, Magnus and Raph ordered their drinks and made their way to one of these tables, sitting purposefully on the sofa facing the front entrance. A quick scan of the room had deduced that this position easily afforded the most privacy, as well as comfort. 

It felt considerably later than the early evening it was and Magnus slumped drowsily into his seat and nodded sluggishly as Raph rolled his eyes and shook his head.  
“Welcome home stranger!” Raph raised his newly delivered beer and smirked at the dishevelled sight in front of him, “I know you’re knackered but you’re no good to me looking like you’ve just got off a 12 hour flight!”  
“But I have just gotten off a 12-hour flight!” Magnus snorted back and smiled as he watched Raph rub his newly kicked shin.  
“Err, last week actually, drama queen! So nice of you to squeeze me into your busy sleeping schedule!”

Magnus smirked and reached for his drink. ‘This is just about as good as it gets’ he thought to himself as he swallowed a large gulp of his favourite whisky and glanced over to see his oldest friend enjoying his own every bit as much.

Raph was right; Magnus had landed back in the country over a week ago but down-time like this was a precious rarity. Raph was his ‘back down to earth guy’ the type of friend that didn’t give a damn about superficial successes and would never allow Magnus to indulge in any sort of diva-like behaviour. The two guys had been friends since middle school and, despite long periods of work-related absence, quickly fell back into old lazy habits of hanging out, playing music and planning their respective lives. 

“My first taste of real freedom in over a year and your moaning already!” Magnus scoffed.  
“Oh you have such a hard life mate,” Raph retorted in his best faux-sympathy voice,  
“It must have been torture being chauffeured around from hotel to hotel, premier to premier, all the while being followed by endless screaming girls desperate to get into your pants!” Magnus felt the temperature in his face being to rise while the involuntary snigger escaped his throat.  
“What can I say” he replied casually, “I fought my way through it as best I could! But seriously LA’s mental, it’s all about New York for me, and always will be.”

Magnus leaned back on the well-worn sofa and stared absentmindedly through the bar window and out onto the street beyond. Brooklyn was like no place on earth to him, and not simply because it was home to friends and family alike. This town was in his blood and he had craved its familiarity more and more with every new place he’d visited. There was something strangely comforting about the sound of the subway, the familiarity of the old dirty streets and the musty smell of a real Brooklyn bar. Today has been just what the doctor ordered and although almost 27, Magnus felt like a child again, running around his own back garden playing superheroes, without a care in the world. Although now his super powers were exponentially more real and his secret identity was definitely a thing of the past.

There had been a few stares and whispers as they’d walked through the quiet bar that day, but nothing out of the ordinary. Most of the bar’s patronage seemed a generation or two older than them, and only a couple of waitresses had actually gasped out loud from behind the bar and then quickly turned away in embarrassment as they passed. In fact, this blunted response was downright refreshing in Magnus’ eyes, yet another characteristic that endeared him to this unpretentious little place.

Two more drinks, a few more uncomfortable stares, but many an amusing conversation later, and Raph glanced down at his watch. Magnus pouted slightly realising their brief interlude into normality was over before glancing up automatically as the front door opened again. It was by no means the first time since their arrival but both men automatically glanced upwards each time just the same. ‘Some might call this paranoia’, Magnus thought to himself, ‘and a year ago they would have been right’, but his thoughts were quickly displaced by his awareness of the person who had just walked in. 

Out of the corner of his eye Magnus could see that he was not the only one who had noticed, and was now following, the man’s entrance. He smiled with obvious familiarity but slight unease, at the small group of staff behind the bar but continued walking past the stools and directly towards Magnus. Magnus’s eyes fell discreetly to the floor only to surreptitiously glance up again as they slowly scanned his large form. 

His unendingly long legs conveyed a taller than average frame and he carried a small leather satchel in one hand which brushed up against them as he walked. The fitted dark blue jeans he wore showed off his perfectly toned thighs, and the smart tailor-made black jacket hung open exposing broad chest and a hint of perfect pecs. Around his neck he wore a small gold pendant suspended by a delicate gold chain that sat nestled perfectly at the base of his throat. 

Magnus’ eyes continued upwards and, for the briefest of moments, caught the stranger’s eyes before he looked away and ran his hand casually through the waves of raven hair that stuck out in perfectly ordered chaos on his head. After the self-obsessed and plastic ken dolls of Los Angeles all Magnus could think was how healthy looking the man seemed and how he moved in a way that made him seem entirely comfortable in his oversized but well built body. 

Magnus felt his pulse spike in his chest as he continued to walk straight towards the two men, only then to divert at the last minute and, with obvious intent, sit at the sofa and table combination opposite them on the other side of the narrow room. Not realising he was still staring, Magnus turned sharply back to his friend when he felt the subtle nudge his leg. 

The guys chuckled to themselves with embarrassment, as Raph raised a reproving eyebrow in Magnus’s direction. They had both gathered themselves for a ‘fan encounter’, as had happened several times that day, but had quickly realised that the guy had simply made his way to his predetermined destination with no interest in them whatsoever.

“Hey Alec!” one of the young waitress chirped in obvious delight as she skipped over from behind the bar.  
“Hi Mia, welcome back. How was your trip?” the man replied, politely mimicking her happiness at their friendly reunion.  
“Out of this world!” came the shrill and enthusiastic response. What can I get for you?”  
“Umm, just a large cappuccino please”  
“Must be a good day, huh?” The waitress beamed.  
“Definitely” Alec replied half smiling and dropping his head, in a friendly, albeit slightly embarrassed way.  
“Won’t be long” Mia said, smiling broadly as she turned to walk away.

Straining slightly to overhear the entire interaction Magnus’s attempt at coy had gradually slipped and he caught himself looking almost entirely in Alec’s direction once again. His eyebrows subconsciously pulled together as he noticed him sigh very slightly, then dismiss the emotion just as quickly as it came over her and reach down into his bag to pull out a sleek laptop. He rubbed his face and ran his fingers through his hair once again whilst it whirred to life, and then glanced over in reflex as Raph rose to leave. Magnus turned his head sharply back and exhaled quietly to hide the warm glow spreading across his features. 

Raph smirked and winked at his buddy. He was very familiar with Magnus’ whimsical nature and always knew when distraction had gotten the better of him, and right now it was written in deep concentration lines all over his face! 

“I’m gonna call it a day then” Raph called fairly loudly, trying to further divert his friend who was once again trying to steal an awkward peripheral glance at their new neighbour.  
“You coming?”  
“I’m going to stay for one more I think, it’s still early” Magnus replied, smiling back at his friend. Raph recognised the signs and accepted his single cab fare fate without further argument. 

“So I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning at ten then” still aware Magnus’s attention was slightly detained elsewhere.  
“Ten...” Magnus mumbled “...will do” and nodded as Raph shook his head slightly with a disproving grin, downed the last of his drink and walked away without a second glance. 

*********

Magnus began to swiftly scan the vicinity to assess potential conversational inroads with the guy the waitress had referred to as Alec. He glanced towards the bar noticed the same waitress once again staring at him but, instead of the usual pangs of embarrassment, and his attention otherwise engaged, he simply raised his empty pint glass at her and smiled back. ‘A little more Dutch courage wouldn’t hurt right about now’ he thought to himself. She nodded politely and blushed as she turned to reach for a fresh glass. Magnus felt his face grow warm again in response and quickly turned his attention back to Alec, allowing himself a quick glance directly at him.

“May I?” he asked hesitantly, gesturing towards a discarded newspaper on the table in front of him. It was a rather lame attempt at first contact, but there was very little time to deliberate or risk him noticing his seemingly uncontrollable bouts of staring.

“Sure” he replied politely as she looked directly at him for the first time. His eyes narrowed slightly and lingered for just a fraction of a second then turned away, dismissing whatever though he’d had just as quickly. Magnus opened his mouth to speak again but, being suddenly abandoned by wit or cool as usual, simply nodded and took the paper. He cursed himself as he unfolded it, embarrassed by his school boy scheme and considering his next avenue of approach. 

‘I should be better at this by now’ he thought to himself, as he pretended to read the front page. Discouraged by his unusual awkwardness and utter lack of charm he listened with frustration as Alec began to type on the laptop’s keyboard, and was still considering his next line when Mia returned with their drinks. As she placed them down on each respective table Mia caught him looking in her general direction once more and grinned with embarrassment. Magnus knew this look well; girls all over the world wore it wherever he went, or rather wherever the characters he played went. Already he knew enough of the fickle nature of celebrity fans to know that it was the parts he played that they wanted him to be and, in their imagination, he simply was. Mia had immediately recognised him when he had walked in that day. She was just young enough to still be the right demographic to read the teen gossip rags he frequently appeared on the cover of recently due to the release of his ‘big break’ film.

Magnus’s acting career to date had been minor and, apart from one semi-high profile role in crime drama two years ago, relatively uneventful. But thanks to an over-enthusiastic agent, who had been aggressively touting him around, he’d auditioned for and won his first big Hollywood lead with an up-and-coming Dutch director. The part was headlining ‘Allies’; a small band of unknowns in a World War Two story of survival in the trenches and love back home. The book on which the film was based was notoriously graphic and the controversy over the film begun long before the cameras started to roll. That, together with the young hot cast and legion of hormonal teenage fans, had made the movie somewhat of a phenomenon. Reviews were mixed but audiences flocked to see it and box-office takings were record-breaking. Overnight the film’s young stars had been plummeted onto Hollywood’s capricious A-list and the inevitable media onslaught that status brought with it.

Magnus had returned to his native New York to rest and recuperate after the whirlwind ‘Allies’ promotional tour and things were beginning to die down a little. Offers of roles were now flooding in and further projects were being scheduled but a few weeks back home was needed first. And so nights in bars with long-time friends and spending time with the family, was the prescribed treatment to Magnus after the madness of sudden and unanticipated stardom. A random early evening stop at the quirky Brooklyn bar is all that had lead Magnus to where he now sat. The occasional fan sighting and autograph hunter, at this point in his life and career, seemed to Magnus a small price to pay for the amazing roller coaster ride he’d just been on and he was still flattered and more than a little bemused by his newly acquired ‘sex symbol’ image. 

Mia’s reaction to him was fairly common, the wide-eyed and excited smile at the point of recognition and then the hasty retreat when embarrassment and overwhelmed senses prevented any semblance of normal communication. Most of the girls that had approached him and Will that day had the same reaction, with only a few actually bold enough to request a picture or autograph. But, right now she too noticed the direction of his attention and, quite surprisingly to him, simply turned and walked away. 

Magnus was fairly sure that the guy with the laptop had not recognised him. This amused him a little as it would make any further attempts at conversation both easier and more difficult. He wasn’t yet at the point of craving back his anonymity, as most celebrities seemed to do at some point, but still this moment of normalcy did feel unexpectedly refreshing. However, this did also mean that he had nothing other than his own charm and personality to rely on.

He flipped through the paper whilst deliberating on what to say next when he came across it. Towards to back of the slim complementary New York paper was a half page review of his new film with accompanying picture. The picture showed the standard promotional shot of the main cast all in their old-fashioned military uniforms with him in the centre looking sullied and resolute. It was a good picture of him, but he had to admit that it actually bore very little resemblance to the original. The airbrushed image even made him appear taller and he couldn’t help but chuckle out loud at the thought of what else would be airbrushed or made to appear bigger if his career in movies continued.

“Is it really that bad?” came a voice from not too far away. Startled, Magnus looked up to find Alec looking straight back at him with a bemused grin, obviously entertained by his sudden outburst.  
“Beg your pardon?” He replied slightly stuttering, hoping to draw out any interaction into a full-blown conversation.

“That film, the girls at work seem to think it’s quite good,” Alec continued gesturing towards the ad in the paper, maintaining his confident lop-sided smile.

Magnus closed the paper quickly to avoid the possibility of looking self-obsessed and turned his body slightly in Alec’s direction.  
“Ur, I don’t know, I’ve seen better I guess” he stuttered, still searching his face for evidence that he’d noticed his considerable resemblance to the man in the advert. Alec smiled again and turned once more to the screen in front of him. After being thrown such a lifeline Magnus had to think fast to continue the conversation before being left to ponder less subtle pick-up lines.

“You haven’t seen it then?” He asked slightly impetuously, not the most interesting of lines he thought but the best he could muster under such pressure.

“No, not really my thing” Alec answered, turning again towards him, “...although I didn’t think it was a comedy?” he said through the same wry smile. Mangus cocked his head slightly to the side in confusion for a brief second before recalling his involuntary giggle.

“Oh no, I was just thinking about the comedic potential of airbrushing actually, seems like some of the actors have benefited from a little touching up in this case” As a victim of the occasional bout verbal diarrhoea, this answer Magnus mused, wasn’t that bad, although the raised eyebrow and grin he received in return made him go over the words in his head with a little more paranoia. 

Mia walked over with Magnus’s drink and placed a small bowl of olives in front of the each of them before making a hasty and uncomfortable retreat. Alec grinned as he briefly caught her eye but cocked his head slightly to the side in bemusement at Mia’s blush and apparent eagerness to leave.

“So, what is your thing” Magnus said in his most charming voice, adjusting his seating position even further sideways to face him more easily.  
“I’m sorry...” Alec said, still amused, but the cheekiness of the earlier grin had dissipated, “”...I didn’t mean to interrupt you before, you just seemed to have rather an odd reaction to that film. Everyone’s been going on about it for so long, it’s actually driving me a little crazy, truth be told”  
“Me too as a matter of fact” Magnus replied, this time smiling widely.

“I’m Magnus.” He said, in a comfortable voice,  
“Alexander, but everyone calls me Alec.” he replied, placing his laptop on the coffee table and running his fingers through his hair, a good sign he thought, ‘I might get my conversation after all’

“You must come here often,”Magnus blurted out before he could think too carefully about what to say next. Alec slightly raised one eyebrow and half-grinned back at him,  
“Is that the best you can do?” he mocked,  
“I, I just meant the staff, they seem to know you here” Magnus said quickly, gesturing with his eyes towards the bar and trying to compensate for the unintentionally crass line.

“Sorry, old habits” Alec replied, still smiling but looking down into his drink as he stirred.  
“So you get a lot of bad chat up lines from strange guys in bars then?”  
“Not really, and yes, this is kind of my local.” he replied in a friendly one, then his eyes narrowed,  
“You don’t seem all that strange, or is there anything I should know before continuing this conversation?”  
“That depends on your definition of strange I guess” Magnus replied playfully, inwardly considering the strangeness of his life over the last few months.


	2. Chapter 2 - Alec

Chapter 2 - Alec

The peculiar answer and contemplative look toyed with Alec’s already engaged curiosity. This guy, Magnus, was obviously quite cocky on the face of it but something about him seemed a little more interesting than the bar’s usual patronage, ‘almost like an old soul in a young body’. 

Alec had become quite the people-watcher over the years and seemed to have developed quite a knack for judging the sincerity of a person’s character. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why he was so good at his job; he could always tell if someone was hiding something, a discovery that never failed to equally push both his annoyance and curiosity buttons.

The day had been an uneventful and restless one for Alec. As per Mia’s assessment, it had been a good day, but the kind of day that was good only in the sense that nothing bad had happened. But still Alec couldn’t shake the feeling that bad usually followed good, and bad days were only ever very, very bad.

In need of caffeine before he braved the walk home Alec had unbuttoned his jacket and turned without looking off the quiet street and into one of the few places where he felt a modicum of peace. Wearily he had smiled at the staff as he passed though the cramp bar but walked on by hoping to steal a few quiet moments to himself in his favourite comfy sofa at the back. Looking towards the back of the bar Alec was suddenly aware of the two young guys sitting in the exact spot he had earmarked for himself and he ran his fingers through his hair in mild frustration. ‘Not the quiet setting I was hoping for after all’ he thought to himself as he noticed several empty glasses in front of them.

Having reacquainted pleasantly with one of his favourite waitresses Alec couldn’t help but sigh as Mia had skipped away after taking his order. In that brief moment he had felt a pang of envy at the girl’s seemingly weightless existence and how it contrasted so entirely to his own. Pushing this moment of brief self-pity aside he pulled out his laptop and decided to busy himself with leftover paperwork.

Eyes on the screen he had felt, rather than seen, the guy’s eyes on him. From the moment he’d noticed that his usual table was occupied by the two unfamiliar men he’d become aware of them looking at him, although one seemingly more than the other. A small flash of familiarity had sparked through him mind as their eyes had briefly met but Alec dismissed it just as quickly, he saw dozens of new faces every day. But now the guy was staring again, and making no effort to hide it, right up until the point his friend had kicked him mischievously under that table. 

Alec half-listened as they briefly conversed, the darker-haired older looking guy obviously ready to leave but his friend insisting on one last drink. He’d thought it odd at first that one friend would simply stand and walk away from the other so nonchalantly but the way he glanced at Alec before he left with a cheeky half-smile made the penny drop loudly in Alec’s head.

Magnus was definitely attractive, in a youthful and slightly dishevelled kind of way. His appearance, thanks largely to a shabby baseball cap, was almost student-like except for the fact that his clothes were a little too expensive and there was a subtle hint of make-up, perhaps a musician, or journalist? He had short dark hair and large bright golden brown eyes, which were so piercing that they distracted almost entirely from the rest of his face. ‘mid twenties perhaps?’ he considered, inwardly trying to justify to himself why he’d been so charmed by him. 

It was very uncharacteristic of him to simply engage in a random conversation with an unfamiliar guy, especially one who was clearly a little out there. ‘Oh fuck it’!’ he thought, chastising himself slightly. It had been a while since he had innocently flirted with a total stranger and the ego boost felt good.

Alec smiled inwardly to himself and felt his shoulders drop as he relaxed and flicked through his emails, waiting for the guy to make his move. His initial attempt with the paper had fallen miserably flat and Alec was beginning to wonder if he’d read the situation entirely wrong when Mia suddenly appeared once more with his coffee. She popped it down on the table and Alec noticed a deep blush on her cheeks. He opened his mouth to ask if everything was ok with the normally chatty girl but she simply glanced over at the adjacent guy and hurried away again. 

Alec shook his head in mild confusion as he once again tried to concentrate on his emails, but the chuckling sound the table next to him once again easily distracted him once more. He glanced over and could just about make out the content of the newspaper page the guy was finding so amusing. It was a large ad for a film, one he thought he recognised the title of from all the gossip at work; some big budget sensationalised war-time drama with doubtlessly bad acting and massive historical inaccuracy. Most of the page was obscured but Alec was intrigued by the guy’s reaction, could he find these things as superficial as he did, unlike the vast majority of the population who seemed to have fallen in lust with this latest pop-culture phenomenon.

“Is it really that bad?” Alec asked, his curiosity finally getting the better of him.  
“Beg your pardon?” Came the somewhat surprised answer.  
“That film, the girls at work seem to think it’s quite good” Alec replied, smiling and gesturing towards his paper.  
“Ur, I don’t know, I’ve seen better I guess”

Once again Alec found himself questioning whether he’d interpreted more from the situation than was actually there as the man looked straight at him like a rabbit caught in headlights. He seemed startled by his forwardness and more than a little uncomfortable.

“You haven’t seen it then?” the guy asked uneasily.  
“No, not really my thing, although I didn’t think it was a comedy?”  
The man’s eyes sparkled slightly as he squinted in confusion at Alec’s comment, before a large smile lit up his face. ‘He really is very good looking’, Alec thought to himself and subconsciously turned his body slightly further towards him.  
“Oh no, I was just thinking about the comedic potential of airbrushing actually, seems like some of the actors have benefited from a little touching up in this case” he chuckled, looking down in a slightly shy and somehow sexy way. 

Alec felt his eyes drawn to each individual feature of the guy’s face. His long eyelashes, the slight dimples in his cheeks and the laughter lines around his eyes. He wanted to reach over and pull the baseball cap off his head to get an even better look at him but resisted, contenting himself with letting his eyes slip further down towards his chest. He wore a plain but fitted grey t-shirt, under his dark blue denim jacket, that showed off his toned chest and flat stomach. His black jeans covered his long legs and Alec caught a flash of black boxers riding up above the waistline as he shifted position on the sofa.

“So, what is your thing” he continued,  
“I’m sorry...” Alec said, suddenly snapping himself out of his daydream. The guy was looking directly at him with an enthusiastic look on his face and Alec felt a pang of embarrassment momentarily flush across his face.  
“I didn’t mean to interrupt you before, you just seemed to have rather an odd reaction to that film. Everyone’s been going on about it for so long, it’s actually driving me a little crazy, truth be told” His response was uncharacteristically awkward but the guy didn’t seem to notice as he smiled broadly once more seemingly enjoying some kind of private joke.  
“Me too as a matter of fact”.

“I’m Magnus”  
“Alexander, but everyone calls me Alec.”  
“You must come here often?” Alec couldn’t help himself as his eyes rolled and he chuckled under his breath, it had been going so well!  
“Is that the best you can do?”  
“I, I just meant the staff, they seem to know you here” Magnus backtracked as he squirmed under the weight of Alec’s mischievous gaze and nodded his head towards the bar. Alec glanced over and caught Mia staring at them once more. In actual fact two or three of the staff were stealing glances over. Alec felt the unfamiliar twinge of paranoia as he tried to imagine what they were so interested in. Was it so fascinating that he was actually chatting to a guy for a change rather than sitting along with just his laptop for company? Was he normally so boring that such a small interaction could cause such a stir? The thought spurred him on and he looked back towards Magnus, who was smiling at him warmly, despite Alec’s rebuke.  
“Sorry, old habits” Alec smiled back and played with his drink, willing himself not to look over to the bar once more to reaffirm his hypothesis.

“So you get a lot of bad chat up lines from strange guys in bars then?” Magnus had seemingly found his flow again and Alec had to admit to himself that she was beginning to enjoy the attention.  
“Not really” he replied, “and yes, this is kind of my local.” ‘although maybe not for too much longer’ he thought to himself before playing over Magnus’ words again in his head.  
“You don’t seem all that strange,” he continued, eyes scanning him teasingly, “or is there anything I should know before continuing this conversation?”  
“That depends on your definition of strange I guess”. 

*********

“’So, are you a writer or something?”Magnus continued, jolting Alec out of his brief preoccupation with his last statement as he found himself once more staring into his coffee.  
“I’m sorry?” he said, momentarily wondering where his presumption had come from until Magnus gestured towards his laptop.  
“Oh, no just catching up on some paperwork, I work down the Street at the hospital”  
“How about you?” he said, casually but all to deliberately changing the subject and placing an olive into his mouth.  
“Um, I work in the media” Magnus said, losing his poise slightly and stuttering again. 

Alec felt his eyes narrow as he scanned Magnus’s face for the subtle hints of dishonesty he could usually pick up on when someone was lying to him. People lied all the time, for all kinds of reasons and Alec had accepted this fact of life a long time ago. But over the years of studying people he had developed quite a knack for spotting those micro-expressions that would betray even the best liars; where the eyes were looking, the line of the mouth, the position of the hands, each little involuntary movement that spoke to him far more than the words actually being said. And right now Magnus’s face and body spoke volumes.

He opened his mouth to enquire further into Magnus's rather nondescript answer to his question, when the movement of the front door made him automatically glance up at the woma coming in. As he saw her saunter through the bar, eyes scanning as she went the smile faded from Alec’s face his head dropped in annoyance. In his peripheral vision he could see Magnus looking at him quizzically, then glanced upwards to see the source of his sudden distraction. 

Alec obliged himself to look up again and forced his lips into a welcoming smile. The proud and overly-well groomed woman who had just entered had positioned herself against the bar and was looking over in their direction, returning his smile. 

Irritated, but suddenly inspired, Alec turned back to Magnus as an idea popped into his head. He wasn’t at all ready to end his brief interlude with this charming and enigmatic guy, especially not for someone like Lydia, and perhaps he could kill two bird with one stone?! 

“I hope this doesn’t sound too odd”, Alec abruptly said, turning his attentions back to Magnus, and leaning slightly further towards him with a wry smile on his face, “but do you think you could help me out with something?”

“Er, sure” Magnus replied, turning back to Alec and looking confused but intrigued. “Is that a friend, or girlfriend perhaps?” he mocked.

“No...No!” Alec retorted, partly amused and partly embarrassed by his assumption, “she’s just a colleague of mine, although I get the distinct impression she’d like to be more than that. If she comes over do you think it would be too much to ask for you and I to give her the impression we do not want to be interrupted?” Alec continued, adding just the right amount of warmth and seduction to his voice. His breathing hitched slightly as he saw Magnus’ mouth drop open slightly and pupils dilate.

“I think I can manage that” he replied smiling and further turning his body in Alec’s direction. Alec smiled back at him, noting his private grin but more relieved than anything that she had rather conveniently come across the perfect excuse not to have to socialise with his unsolicited female admirer. Magnus opened his mouth to speak again but Alec cut him off.  
“Here she comes, I hope you’re a good actor”.


	3. Chapter 3 - Magnus

Chapter 3 - Magnus

 

“Here she comes, I hope you’re a good actor” Alec said as his uninvited admirer sauntered pompously over. Magnus couldn’t help but smirk again at his surreal predicament. He was an actor, pretending not to be an actor, pretending to be something he wasn’t, but ultimately wanted to be! His head spun at the thought but he didn’t have time to ponder the irony for long.

“Lydia, how are you?” Alec asked cordially as the woman stopped directly in front of them, “I don’t think I’ve seen you in here before”.  
“Dr Lightwood,” She offered formally with ridiculously fake surprise,  
“...no, I wanted to catch you after work but you dashed off before I could find you. One of the nurses told me you sometimes stop by here,” Lydia replied in a very pompous accent and paying no attention to Magnus whatsoever.

“Oh, sorry, I came to meet a friend” Alec said gesturing towards a bemused but willing Magnus, “Lydia this is Magnus”.  
“Doctor Lydia Branwell” she asserted and raised her hand to shake Magnus’s sternly.  
“It’s always nice to meet any colleague of Alec’s” Magnus replied casually releasing her hand and resting it affectionately on the back of the sofa behind Alec’s shoulders. 

Lydia’s eyes narrowed as she noticed the familial way in which Magnus’s hand rested on Alec’s shoulder and her overly confident grin withered slightly. It was a presumptuous move on Magnus’ part, and one that could have backfired terribly. But his gorilla-style territory-marking manoeuvre, coupled with a moment’s uncomfortable silence, within which Lydia awaited an unlikely invitation to join the ‘friends’, worked as anticipated. 

“Well, I can see you’re busy right now, perhaps we can grab a coffee together sometime next week?” Lydia asked, attempting to recover hier failed attempt to impress Alec.  
“Yes, of course” Alec replied graciously, leaning his head back against Magnus’s arm slightly and smiling politely.

Lydia smiled back awkwardly, turned on her heels and retreated out of the front door, a little hastier than she entered. Magnus removed his arm and smiled at Alec who was biting his bottom lip and looking towards the door contemplatively.

“So, how do you rate my acting skills?” Magnus said leaning towards him cheekily, causing Alec to snap out of his thoughts. He turned sharply to face him and the movement left his face only inches away from Magnus’s.  
Alec’s teeth slowly released his lip and he grinned as stared into his bright and animated eyes. “Competently” he replied mockingly as Magnus smiled back, raising his eyebrow in faux annoyance.

“But thank you all the same” Alec continued in a far more genuine tone, pulling back slightly but smiling at Magnus so sincerely that, for that moment, he completely forgot himself in the face of Alec’s natural and elegant beauty.

Alec was still grinning from ear to ear as Mia re-appeared to collect the empty glasses in front of Magnus. He turned and winked at her in thanks, which prompted a further blush and she bumped into the table behind her whilst trying to make a quick exit. 

Alec eyed her with bemusement, “She’s a little quirky that one”, but Magnus dropped his eyes and cleared his throat to hide his own embarrassment and quickly reassemble his thoughts. When he glanced back at him Alec was still staring at Mia vague wonder as the waitress had returned behind the bar and resumed giggling quietly to another member of the staff. Magnus grinned to himself as Alec caught her eye and raised his eyebrows in an ‘are you OK?’ gesture, but Mia simply grinned at him, nodded and continued to chuckle nervously.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Magnus said, diverting Alec back from whatever logic his mind was obviously attempting to garner from the waitresses strange behaviour. He looked towards his half-empty cup and edged slowly forwards on his seat.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, for Mia’s sake” Alec chuckled, “besides I have an early shift tomorrow, it was nice to meet you though”. He placed his laptop back in his bag and draped his jacket over his arm.

“Then can I have your number, maybe we could grab a bite sometime and you can thank me properly for my assistance with Doctor Branwell tonight?” Magnus hastily replied, emphasising the word ‘Doctor’ and plumbing up his own mock-english accent considerably in scorn. He was having far too much fun and enjoying this brief interlude into a normal life so immensely that he wasn’t about to let tonight be the sum total of their relationship. 

Alec stalled and sighed to himself. The look on his face was similar to the one he wore following Lydia’s exit, regretful but resigned. However the Dutch courage still flowed generously through Magnus’s veins and he readied his charm for a further stab at persuasion.

“I don’t really make a habit of giving my number out to guys I just met, but I’ll probably be in here again tomorrow night, about the same time if you’re around” Alec said, snapping the latch on his satchel shut and rising to leave.

“Great!” Magnus said with enthusiasm, his hope restored. Alec chuckled and gave him another broad smile, then turned to leave. 

Magnus watched him until he slipped through the door and out of sight. He looked back towards the now empty sofa and smiled to himself. ‘He’s right, this was a good day’ he muttered to himself, abruptly aware of his own curiosity regarding this earlier comment. He suddenly felt strangely impatient to know more about this handsome and charming guy but the information garnered from their brief conversation, in hindsight, seemed irritatingly scarce. Just then, it occurred to him that there was a source of further information in the vicinity, and one that he could manipulate far more easily. Magnus stood and walked over towards the bar, ‘showtime!’

Mia watched him open-mouthed as he strode directly over to the bar and sat at a stool opposite her.  
“Hi” he said, smiling and utilising his well-practiced ‘charming’ voice to full effect. This worked just as expected as the girl in front of him simply stared back, unable to respond. There was a time when this reaction would have worried Magnus, but he too had been star-struck more than once whilst living in LA and he knew the effects were only temporary.

“I’m sorry to bother you, but is there any chance you could call me a cab” He continued, allowing Mia’s brain time to reconnect to her mouth once more.  
“Urr...yeah...sure, I mean no problem” She stuttered in reply. 

She turned sharply and grabbed the cordless phone from the shelf behind her and began to dial. She still had her back to Magnus to hide her rosy cheeks as she started to speak into the receiver. Magnus seized the opportunity and leaned casually onto the bar waiting. When Mia turned back she gasped at how close his face now was to hers.

“Should be about five minutes,” she all but whispered, breathing ever so slightly faster than normal. This was the moment Magnus had been waiting for. There was no doubt that Mia was still ‘dazzled’ but the capacity for normal speech seemed to have returned.

“Thank you” he said, smiling again, “do you mind if I wait here?”  
“Of course not” Mia replied, blushing bright crimson by now.  
“Um...I don’t suppose I could get your autograph could I?” she continued, ignoring the flush in her face this time and reaching for her order pad from the front of her apron.  
“Promise you won’t sell it on eBay?” Magnus teased as he took the pad and began to write.  
“Definitely not!” Mia snapped back hastily and then looked down in embarrassment.  
“Just kidding!” Magnus reassured her as he scribbled, “besides, I’d know if you did” he said handing her back the pad.

Mia looked at it and a huge smiled beamed across her face as she read it out loud.  
“To Mia, see you tomorrow night, love Magnus Bane. You’re coming back tomorrow!”  
“Yes, I’m going to meet Alec here for a drink tomorrow evening, you won’t tell anyone will you? Magnus, still grinning, narrowed his eyes slightly in faux suspicion.  
“Of course not, do you two know each other then?” her excitement suddenly mixed with a tinge of confusion.  
“Not yet, but I’m hoping to, you obviously know him quite well, what can you tell me?”

“I don’t know about that,” Mia was suddenly calmer and a little preoccupied. “Don’t get me wrong, Alec’s a total doll, he’s everyone’s favourite regular here, but he actually keeps to himself most of the time, I guess it’s because of his job. I mean...he’s always really lovely, but he never usually talks much to anyone, and almost never comes in with anyone”

“He works at the hospital right?” Magnus said a little impatiently, encouraged that his plan was beginning to pay off.  
“Yeah, he’s a doctor in the ER down there, works crazy hours, God only knows what he sees every day. Jay, the owner of this place, got attacked by a drunk a couple of years back, that’s kinda how we got to know Alec. It was before my time but Jay told me Alec was in here when it happened and pretty much saved his life. It was a whole year before he’d even let him pay for another drink!”

There was a beeping sound from outside which made Magnus jump where he stood. He was so immersed in Mia’s story that he’d forgotten all about the imminent arrival of his taxi.  
“I think your cab’s here,” Mia said giggling.

“Thanks again” Magnus said, more genuinely this time as the conversation with Mia had indeed served its purpose. He pulled a twenty out of his pocket and placed in on the bar in front of her. Winking, he then pushed away from the bar and walked quickly towards the front door, head down to avoid any residual stares of recognition on the way out. He pulled the heavy door open and heard the muffled sounds of more giggling from behind him mingle with the sounds from the street outside. ‘Tomorrow then’ he thought, smiling to himself, as he hopped quickly into the waiting cab.


	4. Chapter 4 - Magnus

Chapter 4 - Magnus

Magnus felt his pulse elevate with nervous anticipation as he saw Alec walk back into his new favourite bar. He had waited, feeling like an impatient and overly excitable child on Christmas Eve, for just over half an hour and was almost ready to give up when the bar door had swung open once more. His head, down-turned and partially concealed by his favourite baseball cap, twisted in response to the flash of the red paint in the mirrors. This was by no means the first time he had practiced his casual glance towards the entrance but his enthusiasm was slipping into ardent frustration as the minutes had rolled by. But persistence had finally paid off, and his covert demeanour melted away as a broad smile spread swiftly across his face. 

But all too quickly it became clear that Alec’s entrance and subsequent temperament bore no similarity to his last. Moving cautiously and uncomfortably across the room, Alec quickly manoeuvred himself through the Friday night crowd, vigilantly avoiding all possible contact with the other patrons. His eyes scanned nothing but the floor however the bag underneath them were clearly noticeable, even from a distance. Magnus’s innate instinct for diagnosing even the most surreptitious of human emotions, which had served him so well as an actor, cranked automatically into high gear as he scrutinized Alec’s humbled posture.

He couldn’t help but notice how Alec’s walk was slightly uneven and how deep furrowed worry lines scarred his forehead. It was as if something, deeply troubling had somehow momentarily unbalanced his natural equilibrium, something that both fascinated and disturbed Magnus’s growing interest in him.

Magnus glanced away quickly to see if any of the staff had noticed Alec’s arrival. Mia was absent-mindedly wiping a wine glass with a towel when she too caught Alec’s entrance. Her mood and activity changed simultaneously as she upturned the glass she was holding and grabbed a half empty bottle of wine from underneath the counter. This was by no means the first time Alec had brought his sorrows to this place Magnus mused as he scanned the sympathy clearly etched on Mia’s face. But there was no edge of impatience, no sense of scorn emanating from the waitress towards Alec, forcing Magnus to bear witness to and admire the seeming genuineness of the friendship between the two.

Alec walked a little quicker still and slumped down onto a stool at the very end of the long bar, not even looking up to notice Magnus, hiding under his flimsy disguise, only a few stools along. Even though this far end of the bar was closest to the sofas, he never once looked up to see if they were inhabited, or indeed who may have been waiting for him there. All he looked for was the glass that was already in front of him.

“Bad day?” Mia asked, with nervous compassion.  
“Make it a shot too would you” Alec replied tiredly, running his fingers lethargically through his hair and barely meeting Mia’s gaze.

Mia followed the request without another word, grabbing the bottle of tequila from the gleaming shelves opposite the bar in one hand and two small shot glasses in the other. When the tiny vials were full of crystal clear liquor Alec gave Mia the meekest of smiles and both threw the liquid into their mouths without a wince. A silent understanding seemed to pass between the two in the moment that followed, before Alec slid the glass of wine closer towards himself and Mia once again picked up her towel and began to wipe over the huge coffee machine that dominated that end of the bar. 

Magnus sat mesmerised by the ritual that had played out before him. Five minutes passed and Mia continued to sneak glance over towards Alec’s exhausted form. Magnus too probed Alec’s face as he cradled the wine glass and played absentmindedly with the pendant around his neck. 

It was only then that Mia seemed to notice Magnus’s awareness of them and the mixed look of confusion and concern on his face. Their eyes met and he pulled his eyebrows together quizzically but his silent question went unanswered. She simply half smiled at him, the type of smile that never reaches the bearer’s eyes and then slowly moved away, leaving Alec alone with his obviously troubled thoughts.

Magnus had planned what to say the next time they met, but in his head, Alec’s mood was always lighter and more welcoming. His smile would invite Magnus to come over and talk to him again and he would, after a brief period of re-acquaintance and small-talk, and in his most charming and sincere tone, ask Alec to join him for dinner that evening. Even though he knew that in reality, this conversation would involve far more clumsiness and stuttering than charm, he was not mentally prepared to break through the intense mood Alec seemed to now be trapped in. 

The memory of their last, and first, encounter was still fresh enough though, together with his worried curiosity, to bolster Magnus’s resolve. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mia glance at his approach and then quickly look away with the same reassuring but sympathetic smile. 

“Hello again Alexander” he said softly, shifting a few stools down and coming rest next to him. No reply.  
“…is everything OK?”  
“Huh? Oh, hi, sorry…I, I didn’t see you there” Alec stuttered, his head raised, a little startled by the fact that someone was sitting next to him.

“Um, yes, fine thanks” he continued, unconvincingly. He slowly looked away, his shoulders still hunched, and gazed vacantly at the almost empty glass in front of him.

“Can I buy you that drink now?” Magnus continued lightly, undeterred.

“I’m not sure I’ll be very good company tonight” Alec’s voice creaked as he feigned a smile, “trust me, there are better Friday nights to be found elsewhere”. His tone was sardonic and his grin dissolved as his head shook slightly from side to side in defeat. 

Magnus glanced about him for inspiration. Alec’s rebuff had fallen on to deaf ears as Magnus’s natural and genuine sympathy for the human condition silenced his wounded pride.

“I don’t know, I haven’t spent nearly enough time in the company of tequila recently, and who doesn’t enjoy a good hangover once in a while” he grinned, nodding his head towards the empty shot glasses sitting next to Alec’s hand. The fluidity and comedy of Magnuss words stunned even him and Alec let out a small involuntary chuckle. 

Alec raised his head up a little to look at Magnus’s face again, his half-smile displaying his mischievous intent and his eyes bright with possibility and temptation. Magnus swallowed as he saw something dark and painful pass fleetingly over Alec’s face. His eyes glazed over and he looked towards the ceiling to dispel the rising moisture within them. Hi beauty in that moment consumed Magnus and his breath hitched in his throat.

“You asked for it” Alec said with a sigh and a small self-destructive smile spread across his lips, “but I warn you I think I must have Mexican in my blood, and this has been a particularly bad day.”


	5. Chapter 5 - Alec

Chapter 5 - Alec

Over the next few hours Alec felt his mood slowly and unexpectedly begin to lift. Magnus’s awkward but persistent nature seemed to melt away some of the ice that had encased him that day and he began to feel the edge of his fingertips once more. He sat and listened while Magnus recalled moments of embarrassment or humiliation, sometimes trying a bit too hard to cheer him up and regretting some particular revelations almost immediately. It seemed to be working though. Alec’s smile seemed to take less effort and he felt his body relax and shift slowly towards him.

Was it the alcohol or the unpredictable but rousing company that was pushing away the pain and exhaustion? Alec considered, and did he really care? All he could do was lean his head against his hand, elbow on the bar, sip his wine, and listen hypnotically to Magnus’s optimistic and energetic voice. 

He’d had days like this before, always replaying the worst moments time and time again in his head to make sure he’d done all he could and that no mistakes had been made. The bad days always crushed down upon him in a tempestuous assault of activity and chaos. During his first few years after med school he waited patiently and hopefully for his coping mechanism to reinforce with experience, but he was still waiting. 

What he couldn’t recall though was the feelings of sorrow and helplessness fading this fast before. Colleagues and predecessors alike had told him time and time again that the career choices he had made meant days like today were all too frequent and inevitable, but no one had ever been able to break the deep-rooted cycle of remorse like this before. The good days on the job produced a high like no other and he would reflect on them quietly with pride and appreciation. The bad days however, were quite literally killers. Always the same soul-scorching guilt, exhaustion and defeat, all of which had to be dealt with alone. That was the usual ritual in these circumstances, and that was his own personal and well-trodden path of atonement. That, coupled with the numbness which a certain level of alcohol provided, was the best form of defence he had come across, ever since that first devastating loss all those years ago.

But tonight was different somehow. Magnus’s quirky and kind nature was calming and stimulating all at the same time. Alec found himself beginning to study insignificant parts of his face whilst maintaining his concentration on his conversation. He had mentally noted from their first encounter that he was undoubtedly handsome, but now it was his sincerity and gentleness that seemed to emphasise his attractiveness. Alec felt a slight high as their legs touched ever so slightly as Magnus animated his stories, possibly due to the wine and tequila, but it was an emotional excitement that seemed equally as intoxicating.

‘But why so nervous though?’ Alec thought to himself as Magnus pulled at the brim of his baseball cap and glanced over his shoulder for the umpteenth that evening. The scruffy old hat was beginning to irritate Alec and at one point he had actually pulled it up slightly to make his point. Magnus had simply smiled and pulled it down once more, glancing around yet again. 

All of his anthropological instincts were at odds. Magnus’s open and honest nature, confident as it seemed, was in direct conflict to this guarded body language and almost agoraphobic behaviour. 

Perhaps it was the heightened atmosphere and larger crowds of a Friday night that made him more uncomfortable compared to the calm of the previous Thursday afternoon? On the other hand, didn’t he say he worked in the media? Surely that usually meant a fairly high degree of public interaction? And not even the alcohol was relaxing this aspect of his discomfort. Alec smiled to himself as the curiosity and interest in Magnus overruled the alarm bells ringing in his head. He enjoyed a puzzle and the prospect of further social intercourse to figure this one out was most appealing.

“What was it you said you did for a living?” Alec interrupted, once Magnus had finished his latest anecdote.

“Last orders!” Mia interrupted after noisily clearing her throat. Both Alec and Magnus looked up towards her, a little startled and she giggled loudly. 

“Another?” Magnus asked enthusiastically,  
“You really do want that hangover don’t you?” Alec laughed, “but let’s call it a night, I could do with some fresh air anyway” as he reached behind for his coat with a smile. Alec wasn’t at all ready to go home to an empty apartment, or to leave Magnus’s engrossing and distracting company, but he still had the good sense at this point to know that too many more drinks and he might not make it home at all!

Magnus’s shoulders dropped a little and he pouted slightly like a child at bedtime. “Come on,” Alec said winking at Mia with a wry smile “walk with me”. The hope was visibly reignited in Magnus’s eyes and he half-stumbled in his haste to get off his stool. Mia smiled back as Magnus followed Alec towards the front. Just as they reached the door, Alec stopped and turned in the direction of the bar once more. Mia, who was still tracking their course through the room, glanced at his face and nodded graciously as Alec mouthed silent words, “thank you”. 

It wasn’t much more than a 15-minute walk from the bar to Alec’s leafy and quiet part of Brooklyn. The night air was chilly so he fastened his coat and slipped his arm under Magnus’s elbow as he pushed his hands in his pockets. 

Alec revelled in the few moments of silence the walk afforded him to ponder his present situation. It would only be a few more minutes until they arrived at his place, then what? The ‘Mexican’ part of him knew exactly what it wanted to do with this guy. But no amount of tequila could ever drown out the part that always feared the consequences of the morning after. Was he over thinking things as usual? Perhaps they could simply continue to have fun with each other for one night, no strings attached? What guy his age wouldn’t want that too?

“What?” Magnus suddenly said with a chuckle, surprising Alec away from his thoughts as she realised the wicked smile that was now residing on his face.

“Nothing...” Alec replied looking down towards the pavement briefly to hide his blush, “...this is me” he said looking up again and gesturing towards a tall townhouse to their left. Magnus paused by the wrought iron gate, seemingly unsure of how far the invitation extended beyond this point, but Alec walked up the path without hesitation, fumbling around in his pocket for his keys. He opened the door and looked back towards Magnus impatiently.


	6. Chapter 6 - Magnus

Chapter 6 - Magnus

 

The oversized black gloss front door gave way to a long and ornately tiled hallway. To his right Magnus noticed another large door with the initials ‘JW’ in large chrome letters in the centre. ‘Of course, the house is split into two, he mused, seemed big for one!’’ No sound was coming from the downstairs apartment and Alec paid no attention to it, so Magnus quickly dismissed any further thoughts of ‘JW’. Alec led the way straight up the flight of stairs directly in front of the entrance without even a look back. He stopped at a further door to the right of the top of the stairs and glanced again for his keys. 

Magnus’s stomach leapt as he stepped through into Alec’s home. The apartment was nothing like he was expecting. The exterior of the building was very conservative and traditional, the inside, however, was as contemporary as any New York penthouse. Two large reception rooms had been forged into one creating one enormous white living space with kitchen at one end and living area at the other. The room had to be easily 30 feet long and a beautiful black polished grand piano adorned the area in front of the huge bay window beyond the sofa at the opposite end to the gleaming stainless steel kitchen. Magnus starred at the beautiful instrument and felt its pull, but fought back the urge to enquire about it further.

Alec took off his jacket and threw it over one of the stools in the sterile kitchen area and walked around the central island towards the large refrigerator. Grabbing a bottle of water for himself he tossed another to Magnus. Alec looked at him with an intensity that made his heart thud loudly in his chest and his body begin to throb with the spark of anticipation.

“I need a shower,” Alec said casually, closing the fridge and moving towards the open glass staircase at the rear of the room. Magnus hesitated. Did he need to go? Had he misread the situation and Alec now wanted him to leave? He took a sip from the bottle and looked instinctively towards the front door. 

“Are you coming?” Alec suddenly said in a matter-of-fact voice. Magnus looked back up at him, still unsure as Alec stared back at him, unwavering. Alec turned once more and began to climb the stairs, unbuttoning his shirt as she went. He took a deep breath as the alcohol in his body diluted with the sudden onslaught of adrenaline and deep-seated arousal. But a small part of his head still analysed; still worried that, despite all of the crazy turns his life had taken lately, this sexy but surreal moment had managed to top them all. 

Pushing the small anxious voice aside, Magnus removed his jacket and hat and placed them on top of Alec’s. He had most definitely fantasised about him, but hadn’t allowed himself to accept the fact that he might want him in that way too. He followed Alec up the stairs and heard the water begin to run pulling him in the direction of the bathroom. Alec was waiting for him just inside the door, standing now in just his jeans. Alec stepped towards him as Magnus drew another deep, laboured breath. 

He leaned in and kissed Magnus, lightly at first, then with more passion as his arms began to cradle his back and neck. Alec’s lips and tongue explored his soft warm mouth as Magnus ran his fingers lightly through his black hair. Suddenly overcome, Magnus pressed hard against Alec with such force that he momentarily lost his balance and crashed against the wall behind them. Alec pulled back slightly with the jolt but his face showed no sign of protest. Alec simply stared back at him intensely, eyes smouldering with a heady mix of alcohol and lust, wanting. 

Alecs arms fell to Magnus’ waist and tugged at his t-shirt, pulling it up and over his head. His breathing was shallow and uneven as he felt a familiar pressure push against the inside of his jeans. His t-shirt fell to the floor as Alec reached forward and kissed him again. The skin on Alec’s back was smooth and hard, all he could think of was pressing himself closer to him as Alec’s lips began to traced his jawline then exquisitely move further down his neck. 

Magnus moaned as Alec’s hand found and caressed the swelling within his trousers. He was pushing his hips so tightly up against him that he struggled at first to reach the top of his jeans. Magnus felt every single button pop open as he found Alec’s lips once more and crushed his own against them. Heated blood and desire coursed through his body as they kissed and tugged at each others trousers. Magnus’s hands moved slowly down Alec’s back and pushed the denim slowly over his firm bottom. He groped at the velvet smooth skin as another small moan escaped his lips.

Stripped down to just their underwear Magnus pulled away to look at Alec’s face he now cupped between his hands. His eyes burned with a mirrored intensity that made his body tense even harder. In that moment he wanted Alec more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. He wanted to feel him everywhere, crushing him, warming him, he needed to be consumed by him now, whilst he still had an modicum of sanity. 

Alec reached out to his side and pulled something out of a small drawer under the sink unit. He slipped the small foil packet under the waistband of Magnus's shorts and bit his lip as he grinned at him. Grabbing his face again Alec pulled Magnus’s lips towards his and used his body to manoeuvre them both towards into the oversized shower. 

The heat of the water only served to heighten the sensitivity of Magnus’s skin and he felt a sudden rush of adrenaline seize his body. His hands moved down Alec once more, exploring every millimetre of his skin. Alec gasped and threw his head backwards as Magnus began simultaneously kissing his neck and gently massaging his arousal. Magnus looked up at Alec’s face, but his eyes were closed as the intense mixture of pressure and sensitivity made his breathing shallow and uneven.

The movement of Magnus’s hands slowly back up his torso momentarily brought Alec to his senses. He firmly grabbed Magnus by the waist and spun him around to face the wall before beginning to worship his back, bottom and thighs with deep kisses and languid strokes. Alec slipped them both out of the thin material of their underwear and pulled the condom from the silver packet, discarding it on the wet floor. Despite the heat of the water Magnus felt himself tremble slightly as Alec’s hands began caressing and exploring his bottom once again. 

He gasped and tried his best to cling to the smooth wall of the shower as he felt Alec’s large fingers begin to prep him slowly and gently. He relished every sensation as Alec took his time to get to know Magnus’ most intimate area and felt a fresh wave of desperation as he located his sweet spot, massaging it with expert touches, responding to Magnus’s gasps of pleasure. 

All too quickly Alec’s fingers retreated and his hands once again found Magnus’s hips. Mangus leaned further forward against the tiled wall of the shower and closed his eyes once more as Alec slowly entered him and began to move. His arms were rigid as he pressed his hands against the wall for leverage as the pace increased. His breathing became louder and faster as he struggled to control the sensation slowly building within him. Alec circled his arms around Magnus’s waist and pulled him closer to him, moaning out loud as he thrust forward. Magnus opened his eyes and watched in awe as Alec’s hand curled around his throbbing arousal and pumped it in time with his thrusts. He cried out Alec’s name in desperation as his whole body suddenly tensed. A moment of pure white ecstasy pulsed through him as Alec surged on for a few more furious thrusts, finally finding his own release and stilling with a muffled cry against Magnus’s neck. 

They remained in a tight embrace, hot water still running over them as they both began to recover their breathing, each still too sensitive to move. Another moment passed and Alec pulled out, still clutching Magnus by the waist, but lose enough to allow Magnus to turn around to face him. He held onto Magnus, eyes still closed, and rested his forehead silently on his shoulder as Magnus raised his head to let the water run down his neck. As the minutes began to lengthen Alec gently released his hands and slipped out of the shower grabbing a towel that was hanging from a hook just outside of the wet area. He wrapped it around his hips went over to the far side of the room to a cupboard to get another. He placed this back onto the hook, smiled briefly at Magnus and left the room.

Magnus stood in the shower, head down, leaning against the wall under the jets and let it drench him. He felt exhausted and pleasantly numb. Rational thought had not yet returned to him and he had no idea how long he’d been standing there when the water temperature began to cool and forced him out of his daze. He shut off the water and slowly took the towel off the hook. 

‘Now what?’ he thought to himself. He had only ever had two other one night stands before, if this was indeed what it was, and both of them had ended awkwardly. This was more than that, more than just drunken lust, they had shared a connection on more than just a sexual level, he was absolutely convinced.

He dried himself off quickly and then wrapped the towel around his lower half. Somewhat apprehensively he exited the bathroom and entered the wide hallway, suddenly very aware that he had no recollection of how he got there in the first place! There were three other doors leading off the landing and only one was ajar. He stepped inside and saw Alec lying on the far side of a large wrought-iron bed, covered in a white sheet. His hands rested peacefully under his still damp hair as he lay facing him. Alec raised the sheet and Mangus dropped his damp towel and quickly hopped under to join him.

This room, like the one directly below it was large and airy, although did not run front to back as the other did. The imposing bed took up most of one side while a bank of built in glass wardrobe doors spanned the other. The decor too was once again quite sparse and white except for a small set of shelves underneath the front facing window full of large books and what looked like journals or albums. On top of the shelves were a scattering of mirrored picture frames containing an array of images. All of the prints were in black and white although Magnus noted the more contemporary look of one in particular, what appeared to be a group of high school friends, and noted that it must be more recent that the others. 

His eyes squinted slightly as he tried to make out the faces clearly from the other side of the large room. There were four in all, three of which were unrecognisable, but Alec’s face stood out clearly on the left hand side. He was smiling excitedly and had his arms around the neck of the red haired girl next to him. She and the other raven haired girl in the centre of the picture were also flanked by a blonde boy to the other side of them who in turn was hugging them and smiling equally as wide. 

Magnus smiled to himself at how young and happy Alec looked in the picture and made a mental note to ask him, when the moment was right, about the identity of the others in it for at least one looked vaguely familiar. But now he just wanted to talk with him once more, the way they’d talked in the bar. The bond he felt between them that night had been intensified tenfold since they had made it back to the apartment and he was keen to see how much further he could take it. Real connections like this were rare in the world he now inhabited and he fully intended to revel in it for as long as he possibly could.


	7. Chapter 7 - Alec

Chapter 7 - Alec

Out of his peripheral vision Alec could see Magnus’s attention move away from the picture frames as he turned onto his side to face him. He stared towards the ceiling, arms reaching over his head, with the thin white cotton sheet just covering his abs and considered his next move. He didn’t have to see Magnus’s face directly to know it was questioning his mood with a little uncertainty. The alcohol was wearing slightly thinner now and the truth of those hasty and carefree decisions was beginning to dawn, even if the hangover wasn’t. He wasn’t that drunk that he hadn’t known the decision he’d made to invite him back. However, he also didn’t consider himself the hasty type and could easily count the number of one-night stands on the fingers of one hand.

Tonight however, impulsiveness, if not intoxication, had overruled prudence, and it had felt good, really good. Magnus had been his anaesthetic all evening and he didn’t want it to end, he wanted nothing more than to saturate himself with it and let the attraction between them flow as easily as the tequila. The alcohol had dulled any feeling of self-consciousness or good sense and what followed had been nothing if not pure passionate recklessness. 

But now the look of impatience on Magnus’s face was confusing, and certainly did not seem to mirror the one of deep physical satisfaction he himself felt. Was this simply a feeling of performance anxiety that all men suffered from in varying degrees or possibly regret at his own impulsiveness? Neither of them had said a word since coming out of the bathroom and silence could so easily turn into discomfort, but still Alec was loathed to let go of his peaceful numbness. He pulled the sheet slightly further towards his neck, close his eyes and turned to face Magnus without a word. 

“So what happened today?” Magnus asked in barely a whisper, breaking the peace of the room. Alec begrudgingly opened his eyes face dropped slightly as more of the anaesthetic wore off. It was inevitable to begin to feel rational again soon but then, according to the clock on the dresser, the day was officially over and the cycle would soon begin again. Furthermore, it was now apparent to him that Magnus’s concern was not for any intoxicated mistake he’d made by following Alec home last night, but for his dark mood much earlier that evening. 

Alec smiled to himself and, without taking his eyes off Magnus, leaned in to kiss him again, not a clever tactic, but an effective one nonetheless. His mouth began to rise turn up at the edges and his eyes closed automatically as he moved his face towards Magnus. Simultaneously he inched his body slowly to press up against him once more and Magnus responded with a small sigh of satisfaction. Their time together was almost over, he mused, but maybe he could hang onto it for just a fraction longer.

One day was the rule. One day was all Alec had ever allowed himself as to grieve for the loss of a patient, to accept the loss respectfully and compassionately, before moving onto the next case. Ever since the beginning of his career he seemed to feel the losses far more keenly than his contemporaries, not through any sense of guilt or anger, but simply that they always stayed with him, pulling him down. Fearing it would ruin his fledgling career he had sought the advice of a cherished professor, who had helped him to develop his coping mechanism, and it had served him well from that day onwards. Appreciate the good, but accept the bad, don’t hide from it, feel it and then move on. One day to wallow, it was that simple, but it worked. 

However, the next day it had to be back to business, back to the endless other patients, but stretching out this particular day for a few more hours didn’t feel like cheating or disrespectful somehow. Magnus’s genial company had pulled him back up far quicker and far more effectively than ever before, and he had allowed himself to get uncharacteristically carried away with it. 

But what must he think of him now? The emotional roller-coaster of Alec’s life must seem so bizarre and disconcerting to any normal person, and he would forgive Magnus for running for the hills rather than risk any further bouts of emotional insanity. Perhaps he would explain the rules to him and his reasons behind them one day? Perhaps not. There weren’t any plans or expectations between them, and why should there be?


	8. Chapter 8 - Magnus

Chapter 8 - Magnus

Magnus's slight tinge of irritation at still being in the dark lasted only a fraction of a second before the kiss pushed it away. He really did care as to why Alec’s mood had been so black when he first entered the bar those short hours ago, but the evening that followed had been like no other he’d ever experienced, the madness of Los Angeles notwithstanding. His natural ability to amuse and charm him so easily in the bar, combined with the effects of the tequila, had made him feel potent but he had never expected Alec’s reaction when they’d arrived home. The number of drinks they’d shared had been more than moderate, but not too many to, in his experience, usually elicit this kind of spontaneity. He was normally quite careful, especially these days since one wrong move could be splashed across the tabloids and gossip sites within hours, but this evening had been anything but normal. 

Magnus liked to think that was the primary reason for his reputation of gentlemanly behaviour, but if he was honest with himself, there was still an incapacitating level of self-doubt involved too. Tonight his usual caution had most certainly been thrown to the wind. He was too caught up in the moment to even think about the possible ramifications and possibly too inebriated to think too hard about what he was doing. Everything had flowed so naturally, and even now, when his old concerns were beginning to resurface, he wasn’t about to stop it all from happening again. The kissing, the shower, the touching, he’d never experienced passion like it, how could he say no? But there would be time to talk later, all he could see in his immediate future was the possibility of that time, just more time, with Alexander.

“When can I see you again?” Magnus whispered breathlessly a few moments after their long kiss had ended. His hands were tangled around Alec’s back once more and his naked skin felt soft and warm underneath his touch. Alec’s head was cradled against his shoulder and he began kissing his neck softly.

“I certainly have enjoyed your company tonight” Alec said wryly and chuckled to himself in between pressing his lips softly along Magnus's jaw. Magnus took a deep breath in as he felt himself become aroused once more. He felt the muscles in Alec’s arms tighten as he rolled over and gently position himself on top of him.

“Tomorrow then?” Magnus continued, a little shaky as he felt Alec’s body cover him and pulled his head back slightly to look in his eyes. Alec smiled at him and slowly brushed his knee in between Magnus’s tense legs and up towards his torso, opening his legs slightly as he went. Magnus took a deep breath and surrendered willingly as the lust began to course through him once more. His hands began to grasp at Alec’s broad back as he let himself fall back under his spell as Alec kissed him forcefully... 

************

The thumping bass was barely audible from outside of the club, otherwise the inconspicuous exterior would have garnered no interest from passers-by whatsoever. Not that many people passed down that way in the first place. The unremarkable front door was located down a side alley from one of Brooklyn’s main streets that didn’t seem to host any other buildings of great external interest either. The only indication Magnus and Caterina had that they were even in the right place was the presence of a small brass plaque to the right hand side of the door that simply read ‘101 Hamilton Street’. 

Magnus smiled nonchalantly and shrugged to Cat as he pulled on the handle to open the door. It was much heavier than he was expecting but the increase in the volume of the dance music coming from within spurred his interest and he pulled it open widely to let his sister pass through. 

They stepped into a small marble floored reception space with a desk at the far end facing the entrance. The room was dimly lit but luxuriously finished with heavy drapes and deep burgundy walls. Two very official and equally well-groomed men were sitting behind the desk, one busily typing away at his laptop while the other leaned forward, staring directly towards Magnus and Cat as they approached. He rose from his seat, pulled at his suit jacket and smiled broadly as they came to a stop in front of the desk. 

“Good evening sir, can I help you?” He said in welcoming and but slightly snobbish way.  
“Urm, we’re here for the party” Magnus replied, suddenly feeling very awkward like he’d somehow walked into in the girls changing rooms in high school.

“Yes, of course, I’m your concierge this evening, do you have your invitation?” the man replied, maintaining his professional courtesy with cool perfection. Cat shifted her weight a little and looked at Magnus for reassurance. She hadn’t seen what Magnus had been given yet and wasn’t partial to the embarrassment of being asked to leave a premises. Magnus knew that it was on pure faith that she had even agreed to come along with him tonight when he’d furnished her with so little information on where they were going. The two adopted siblings had always been close, but he’d been away for so long and they had missed each other dreadfully, so truthfully she relished any chance to share his exciting, and always slightly bizarre life with him.

“Yes” Magnus said, fumbling around in his pockets for the strange token Alec had given him. He handed the concierge the large silver coin and turned to smile at his sister as Cat eyed it, and him, with the same bewilderment he had shown Alec. 

Friday night...

Magnus and Alec had fallen asleep still in each other’s arms a short while after their brief conversation in bed had quickly dissolved into a far more physical form of communication. However, when he’d woken up in the morning Magnus found himself alone. 

A quick scan of his surroundings had, not only brought on a surge of memories from the night before, but also revealed a neat pile of his dry clothes at the foot of the bed. He heard noises coming from the kitchen downstairs and hastily dressed, pulling his hands through his hair as he went in a foolish attempt to quash any unruliness. When he reached the foot of the stairs he saw Alec sitting on one of the high stools by the island unit, reading the newspaper and sipping an espresso. He was smartly dressed and smiled warmly to Magnus before gesturing towards the coffee pot sitting on the stove. 

“So, do you work on Saturdays too?” Magnus asked as casually as he could as walked over to a waiting cup and nodded at Alec’s smart attire.

“Sometimes, but not today. Today I’m meeting a friend for lunch. I’m running a little late actually, do you need me to call you a cab?” Magnus glanced down at his watch and was shocked to discover that it was already 11.30am, but on the plus side he seemed to have slept through the worst of his hangover!

“No, that’s OK, I think I’ll benefit from a walk this morning” He replied smirking after glugging half of his coffee in one burning motion, “Will you be at the bar again tonight?”  
“Actually it’s my friend’s birthday and she’s having a party this evening” Alec replied, this time with the hint of apology in his voice. 

Magnus couldn’t help but feel the sting of the brush-off but tried hard to maintain his casual exterior. Alec smiled as he saw the obvious disappointment in Magnus’ eyes and slid his hand over the shiny granite surface towards him. When he lifted it up he revealed a large silver coin with only the numbers ‘101’ stamped in the middle.

“Actually, I was wondering if you’d like to come along? It should be quite a good night, feel free to bring a friend too if you like. It’s at 101 Hamilton Street, anytime from eleven and you’ll need this to get in.”

Magnus was a mixture of excitement and confusion at the prospect of seeing Alec again. He picked up the coin and studied it. To his knowledge there wasn’t much of anything on Hamilton Street, and even if there was, what kind of venue had a coin-entry system? ‘Who cares...’ he thought to himself, ‘Alexander will be there’.

Saturday...

“Thank you Sir” the man replied, more graciously this time, taking the coin and handing it straight to his colleague who held out his hand automatically without looking up. Magnus and Cat were both so engrossed by this strange ritual that they both jumped in surprise when the front door swung open again with considerable force.

“Well, good evening Mr Wayland” the concierge said enthusiastically, rising to his feet and smiling even more broadly than before. Magnus turned to see a tall and imposing blonde man striding towards them wearing a vintage looking biker’s jacket and a very broad self-assured grin. 

“Carter, good to see you mate” The man replied in a jovial tone as he strode quickly towards them and simultaneously tossed something through the air. The concierge caught his coin gracefully and put it straight into a small drawer under the desk in front of him. 

The laptop guy suddenly cleared his throat and his colleague, who appeared to be blushing slightly, automatically looked down at the screen in front of him. 

“Ah, good timing” said Carter, “Jace, these guests are listed under Dr Lightwood’s party, would you mind if they accompanied you through?”  
“Huh! How ‘bout that! Not at all” Jace replied bombastically and winked mischievously at Cat who immediately blushed in response. He strolled over to another door to the right of the desk and jerked it open with one hand “ladies first” he continued and extended his free arm towards her. 

She glanced towards Magnus with an excited grin and then followed Jace’s direction willingly. Magnus followed closely behind and thanked Jace for his courtesy, albeit with a little more trepidation than his clearly enamoured sister.

“Have a good evening” Carter called attentively, and somewhat flirtatiously Magnus thought, after them but the door closed quickly behind them. The volume of the music ahead of them began to rise, as did Magnus’s heartbeat as it reminded him that he was about to see Alec again. The memories of the night before were still excruciatingly fresh and he took a deep breath to calm himself as he walked. Suddenly he felt a large arm fall on his shoulders and turned sharply to see that Jace had bounded up behind him and practically tackled both him and Cat.

“Good to see new blood in here! So how do you chaps know Alec then?” he asked in a loud and playfully intimidating way. Magnus looked away thinking quickly about how to answer this simplest of queries. Having no idea as to the nature of the relationship between Jace and Alec somehow ‘one night stand’ seemed a tad inappropriate. Cat too raised her head towards him to listen carefully to his answer. He had told her very little of this mystery woman and she was just as intrigued as her brother didn’t usually get this anxious over a girl or guy he’d just met.

“I know her through Mia at the bar” Magnus answered twisting the facts hastily, but suddenly remembering that he actually had no idea what the place was actually called!

“Huh!” Jace replied casually, “I guess he’s in there often enough, and you do seem familiar, are you a regular in The Gate?”  
‘Thank you!’ Magnus exclaimed internally as Jace unwittingly answered his factual dilemma.  
“The Gate?” Cat questioned, she’d never heard Magnus mention this place before, or anyone named Mia.

“Been out of the country with work for a while, just got back the other day and ran into her” Magnus answered, quickly dismissing Cat’s reservations, and continuing his distorted version of recent events. 

“Huh!” Jase repeated again, although this time less casually as he looked like he was trying to place Magnus in his own memory. He was about to continue with his current line of questioning but they had reached the end of the small corridor and yet another large heavy-looking door. This one, however, proved to be to be more fruitful as Jace pulled it open to reveal the packed out club. 

Magnus watched as Cat’s eyes darted around like fireflies as she walked through the vast crowded room. Everywhere she looked she immediately recognised someone who frequented the pages of US! Magazine. After months of Magnus being recognised everywhere he went it had seemed a little strange that no one had even batted an eyelid since they’d come into this place, and now they both knew why. Whoever’s party this was knew everybody.

“So who are we here to see?” She whispered to Magnus as her impetuosity finally got the better of her. Magnus’s eyes were already scanning the dark room, but he didn’t seem to be interested in the host of other famous faces dotted around the crowd. 

“This way” Jace interjected, acutely eyeing Magnus’s obvious eagerness to spy the person who had furnished him with his invitation. Magnus followed quicker this time and looked over Jace’s shoulder from time to time as they moved through the crowd, ignoring the few whispers and stares he still managed to garner.

Alec was standing alone against the railing that looked over into the sunken dance floor area. He was smiling and shaking his head affectionately at a group of girls who were dancing and gesturing to him to join them. Magnus took another deep breath as he looked Alec up and down as they approached. He was wearing black body hugging shirt, skinny dark blue jeans and shiny black shoes, his gold pendant perched in between the open shirt buttons, glinting in the ever-changing lights. If he’d been attracted to Alec in his work attire, there was no hope for Magnus now. He’d seen him naked, but somehow he seemed even sexier tonight amongst the pulsing lights and deep base of the club.

They were almost right behind him when Jace simply walked up and grabbed Alec in a huge bear hug and kissed him hard on the cheek. Alec turned sharply in surprise but the shock faded instantly and he hugged him back. Magnus’s heart sank momentarily as he pondered the apparent intimacy of their relationship until he caught Alec’s eye over Jace’s broad shoulders.

“Magnus” he called, gently pulling away from Jace and moving towards him, stopping only a few feet away.  
“You found us OK then?” he continued, narrowing his eyes and grinning seductively at him.  
“I found them loitering at the front desk and thought I’d better come find you” Jace butted in, once again grabbing Alec around the shoulders and talking closely into his ear.

“This is my sister, Cat” Magnus interrupted, feeling irrationally bothered by the familiarity between Jace and Alec, and Jace’s lingering proximity.  
“Hi, nice to meet you” Cat said, “Great party, who’s the birthday girl or boy?”

Alec smiled graciously, “My friend Clary she’s turning 29 tonight and says she’d rather celebrate this year than next!” He continued to smile brightly and pointed towards the group of girls on the dance floor. Cat craned her head to scan the dance floor and her eyes bulged with more recognisable faces. “Hey Clary!” Jace bellowed and then waved enthusiastically as they all looked in the direction of Alec’s group. Alec took the opportunity to smile back at Magnus, “I’m glad you could make it” he said a little quieter, taking a step towards him.

“Thanks for asking us, Cat’s going to die happy now thanks to you” Magnus said quietly so only Alec could hear. He raised one eyebrow and gestured towards his sister who was grinning from ear to ear as if she’d just won the celebrity lottery. Alec looked at him quizzically, unsure of his meaning and Magnus scoffed involuntarily. He began to scan the room, stopping frequently to nod in the direction of someone he recognised. 

“Oh, I see” Alec said warily and slightly disapprovingly as comprehension dawned.  
“You’d better tell your sister to keep her cool” he continued a little more seriously, “there are very strict rules about the use of cameras and recording equipment in here, its members and guests only, very private”. Magnus nodded solemnly and then giggled at Alec’s stern warning. He smiled back sardonically and winked at him as Jace and Cat turned their attention back towards them.

“Alec!” came a sudden shrill voice over the music. Magnus began to turn towards the source but stumbled slightly as the girl pushed straight past him.

“Hi Izzy” Alec replied, with obvious familiarity and taking a step back again. The two hugged tightly while Magnus was left to ponder yet another of Alec’s relationships. Isabelle was tall, slim and very polished. Even with his limited knowledge of women’s fashion, Magnus could tell that she was head to toe in expensive designer gear and carried herself in a very self-assured and almost pompous way. Jace too hugged this new addition to their group, however with a little more ease than Alec.

“Isabelle, this is my friend Magnus, and his sister Cat” Alec turned and gestured towards them politely in turn, “guys, this is my sister, Izzy...”

“Oh my God!” Izzy blurted, with a huge smile on her face, as soon as her vision had adjusted to the every-changing lights room. Magnus braced himself for the usual reaction the actor-side of him attracted and looked immediately towards Alec with a shy smile. His face was not at all as he expected. The kind smile he once wore at seeing his sister was now replaced with a mixture of confusion and concern at Izzy’s outburst.

“You’re Magnus Bane aren’t you!” Izzy continued, delighted by her discovery and seemingly oblivious to the change in her brother’s mood.  
“Of course!” Jace yelled and slapped his hand on the side of his own face in frustration.  
“Um, nice to meet you” Magnus replied uncomfortably.

“Do you already know each other?” Alec interjected loudly, the slight rudeness in his voice betraying his confusion further. Isabelle turned towards him in surprise, then a broad smile crossed her face as she let out a small, knowing chuckle.

“You really have to join the land of the living sometime big brother, that way you’d know when you were breaking one of those ridiculous rules of yours!” Izzy’s tone was dismissive and chastising.  
“And you? Call yourself a journalist? You didn’t even recognise him did you!” She continued turning towards Jace to reprimand him too.

“Isabelle, I really have no idea what you’re talking about,” Alec snapped, clearly embarrassed at his sister’s reaction, “I’m going to get a drink, it was nice to meet you Cat, please excuse me”. 

“Oh come on Alec!” Izzy called after him apologetically, yet still with a wry grin, “You just caught me off guard that’s all, he’s just the last person in the world I’d expected to see you here with!” But Alec just cringed slightly and slipped off leaving a very self-conscious and confused Magnus. Jace gave a big sigh and looked disparagingly at Isabelle.

“Don’t worry, they’re always like that” he said looking down and shaking his head at the still grinning Izzy, but more so for the benefit of the still somewhat dumbfounded Magnus.  
“Can’t help yourself Iz can you!” Izzy gave Jace a defiant smile and rolled her eyes. Then she turned her attention back to towards Magnus.  
“Welcome to the wonderful world of the Lightwoods” she said sarcastically, “Don’t worry about it, Alec loves me dearly, but mostly he just disapproves of the way I live my life and visa versa”

“Um, I think I might get a drink too, can I get you anything” Magnus said to Isabelle and Cat simultaneously, eager to get over to Alec to clear up any misunderstandings, as well as escape the overbearing nature of this new acquaintance.  
“I’m good thanks, come on Cat, I’ll introduce you around while those two have a little chat” Izzy replied mischievously as she tugged on Cat’s arm. Cat looked back at Magnus excitedly as he smiled back and nodded his head.  
“Let’s go find where all the fun guys are hiding!” Izzy pulled at Cat impatiently, and winked at Jace as the sauntered away into the crowd.


	9. Chapter 9 - Alec

Chapter 9 - Alec

Alec propped himself up against the bar and stared down at the smooth shiny surface and his pensive reflection within it. ‘The media, he said he worked in the media!’ he chastised himself just as his favourite bartender appeared in front of him with his warm eyes and charmingly smile.

“Not enjoying the party?” he asked, placing his forearms on the bar and leaning in towards Alec.  
“Tequila please Ben” Alec replied, failing in his attempts to brood over Izzy’s not-so-subtle reprimand and deciding instead to get in touch with his Mexican side once more. 

Ben pulled two small ornate shot glass and a bottle from underneath the bar and poured as Alec played anxiously with the pendant around his neck. The gold liquid glistened in the pulsing lights of the club as Alec raised it in front of his face.

“What are we drinking to then?” Ben asked, placing a silver platter of lemon slices on the bar next to the second glass.  
“How about to life’s ironic little twists, may they always keep us on our toes!” he mused and downed the drink in one fluid motion. Ben raised his eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak but stopped when he noticed the man who had appeared at the bar next to Alec. 

Alec slammed his glass upside down on to the bar and moved for a piece of lemon but his head turned instinctively as he caught a glimpse of something close in his peripheral vision. With the heat of the tequila still fresh in his throat he stared at Magnus. Anger, confusion and a hint of lust all coursed through him as he turned away and quickly up-turned his glass once more.

“Hey. That was a little weird, what did she mean by rules?” Magnus said playfully and speaking a little closer to Alec’s neck than was absolutely necessary. Alec’s eyes narrowed at his presumptuous distance and he abruptly turned his whole body to face him. 

“How did they both know who you are?” he snapped, ignoring Magnus's question entirely, his voice dripping with suspicion. Magnus's smile withered under Alec’s glare and he glanced downwards towards the bar.

“Well, you know how I said I worked in media, um, to be more specific, I’m an actor” he mumbled, barely audible over the music, but Alec heard every word. His mind began to race as the possible ramifications of Magnus’s confession bulldozed through it. ‘An actor, how well-known an actor? Famous??’ His hand tightened around the small shot glass still damp with tequila and his knuckles turned white.

“Can I top that up for you Alec?” He blinked as Ben’s voice brought him out of his momentary stupor and he suddenly became aware of the modicum of pain emanating from the hard object clutched dangerously tightly under his fingers.

Alec looked back up at Magnus and cocked his head slightly to one side, maybe he was overreacting, after all, Izzy knew everyone.

“Ben, do you recognise this man?’ he asked in his most objective tone, placing the glass back on the bar and raising his hand to halt the bottle the barman held ready. Ben glanced at the bemused-looking Magnus and raised his eyebrow.  
“Yes of course” Ben smirked, “nice to meet you Mr Bane” and placed the bottle down and out-stretching his hand towards Magnus.  
“Urm, pleasure” Magnus clumsily replied, shaking his hand and glancing at Alec once more who was staring in disbelief at their causal exchange.

Alec looked away and shook his head before grabbing the tequila and helping himself to one more shot.  
“Steady on Alec, that’s my job!” Ben said grinning and replacing the bottle under the bar out of reach. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to deceive you, I really didn’t think it was a big deal.” Magnus said, leaning towards Alec once more, in a vain attempt to lighten the mood.  
“I’m sorry too” Alec replied, a little more composed, “but I don’t get involved with people in the media”.

“What does that mean?” Magnus stepped back a little in surprise. Alec stared at his bewildered eyes and felt a pang of conscience nudging away at his anger and confusion.   
“I make it a rule never to date anyone even remotely well-known I’m afraid, it’s what Isabelle was so tactfully talking about. I have friends who enjoy a certain level of celebrity, many of whom are here tonight, but I personally like my privacy.”

“Oh...” was all Magnus could muster. He made no effort now to hide his disappointment at Alec’s sudden rejection and dropped his eyes away from his face. 

Alec sighed as he endeavoured to maintain his harsh exterior despite the slightly attractive effect Magnus’s brooding now had on his face. Yes he had been momentarily taken aback by the discovery that Magnus seemed to embody the one thing he avoided most in a lover, but shock was now receding and making way for something else, something he was all too familiar with, guilt. The dominant and instinctive voice inside Alec’s head yelled at him to walk away at that moment. But something about being the cause of Magnus’s disappointment now unmistakable in his huge brown eyes, the same eyes that had burned for him just a few short hours earlier, was wrong and forced reason into a temporary retreat.

“Look, this isn’t the time or the place, enjoy the party and maybe we can talk later. Izzy just caught me off guard that’s all” Alec lied and smiled as convincingly as he could muster. Positivity and optimism when delivering bad news was a skill he’d learned quickly as a doctor, as was putting one’s personal feelings aside temporarily to care for a patient's needs. Nevertheless, underneath the smile Alec’s head was swirling with conflicting emotions. Anger, disappointment, regret, shame, lust, guilt, and a few tequilas were all clouding his usually sharp and focused mind. He swallowed hard to drive away the ambiguity and squared his shoulders, shifting his own personal armour back into position.

Magnus turned away from Alec and gestured towards the Ben who had discreetly moved away from the conversation.  
“Two more tequilas please” Magnus shouted over the loud music. Ben looked over at Alec who closed his eyes and sighed. Truth be told he could use another drink and now this was the last time she would see Magnus he may as well enjoy his company for one more round. At the very least he had to admire his tenacity.

“So, do you know all the bar staff in London then, or did you save Ben’s life too?” Magnus asked in a mischievous voice clearly trying to lead Alec in a new and less risky conversational direction. Alec jerked his head back towards Magnus in surprise at his odd question and then his eyes narrowed as realisation dawned.  
“You’ve been bending Mia’s ear haven’t you, and no Ben over there has worked here for years, he’s just not used to me accepting drinks from guys he doesn’t know”.

Magnus reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet but Alec pushed it away, shaking his head. He was taken aback slightly when pulse of energy shot through his body as their hands briefly touched, a mild aftershock from the previous night's activities. Alec smiled to himself and looked back to Ben who was standing in front of them once more with two fresh ice-cold shot glasses and the bottle of Mexico’s finest. 

“Will there be anything else Mr Bane,” he asked politely,  
“No thanks” Magnus replied, a little bemused but entertained by the continued level of professionalism shown by the all of the staff at 101 Hamilton Street. Ben nodded and smiled once more at Alec as he walked away. 

“No money ever exchanges hand in here, it’s a private members club. Feel free to order whatever you like,” Alec said to Magnus as he poured the clear liquid into the glasses.   
“So, what are we going to drink to?” Magnus asked, somewhat skeptically.  
“How about to one night stands?” Alec replied raising his glass and smiling at him sympathetically.  
“Is that what it was? In that case, here’s to last night.” Magnus said, clinking his glass against Alec’s and knocking back the drink swiftly. Alec followed and slammed his own glass back down on the bar. 

He looked back towards Magnus who was staring back at him intensely. He lost his focus for a moment as he looked deeply into his deep brown eyes. Reflections from the white pulsing lights bounced off the glossy surfaces that were perfectly framed by unusually long feminine lashes. His pulse began to quicken slightly as he stared forwards into them, his concentration only lessened by the feeling of the warm liquid running down his throat.

Suddenly a roar erupted from the crowd on the dance floor and Alec’s attention was pulled back to the party.   
“I need to go and dance with the birthday girl now” he said feeling a sudden urgency to pull himself away, “enjoy the party!”

Alec turned away from Magnus and hastily headed in the direction of the packed and distracting dance floor. He felt Magnus watch him as he carefully manoeuvred the packed club and was greeted by cheers from his waiting friends. As he began to move in time with the base of the music his head swirled and his pulse pounded in his chest. Everything around him seemed to move in slow-motion as she swayed his hips from side to side and felt his best friend Clary arms encircle his waist tightly as they moved together. The shock of the evening’s earlier revelation seemed to melt away as he surrendered to the atmosphere around him. 

Clary kissed Alec on the cheek and thanked him for coming, as if he would have missed this for anything! Admittedly work normally came first, but did Clary honestly believe he rather be anywhere but here tonight? Alec tried to push his paranoia out of his mind and concentrate on the hypnotic track ringing in his ears, but there was another thought also battling for supremacy in his head. He couldn’t help himself from stealing a brief glance back towards the bar. He felt sudden tightness squeeze his chest as his eyes locked with Magnus. He squinted slightly as Alec strained to see him clearly through the flashing lights but those infuriatingly magnetic eyes were still just as luminous, and just as penetrating.

‘Out of bounds!’ he kept on saying to himself, over and over again, but the logical side of him was now losing its grip as a deeper and more primal part of him began to emerge once more. The heady combination of the thumping music, the tequila haze invading his senses and the continuing silent assault of Magnus's presence made Alec’s blood race through his body. Pulling his eyes away from the bar he turned around and was met by an entirely different expression. 

Clary stared at her friend with amused bewilderment.   
“I haven’t seen you dance like that for ages,” she whispered into Alec’s ear, “and it can only mean one of two things; either you’ve been at the tequila with Ben again or you’ve spotted someone you like?” 

Alec took a step back and smiled at his friend. A warm haze coursed through him as she appreciated how deeply his friend knew and loved him. But he did not reply, only rewarding Clary’s curiosity with a tight hug and kiss on the cheek.  
“Oh come on Alec, it’s my birthday, spill!” But Alec simply waved at his friend and headed away with an evocative wink.

Alec made it back to the bar just in time to see two very attractive blondes position themselves strategically either side of Magnus. He vaguely recognised the girls as friends of Izzy’s and, at the last minute, diverted to an empty stool a few feet away. He was acutely aware that Magnus’s eyes had not left him as he made his way back to the bar but he cocked his head slightly to the side as he detoured away from him.

“Hi, you look a little lonely, may we join you?” came a sultry voice to the left of Magnus. Alec smiled as he watched a slightly startled Magnus turn to notice the arsenal of lip-gloss and micro-skirts now encircling him, poised to attack. He glanced from one girl to the other, then back to Alec who simply raised his eyebrow, enjoying Magnus’s obvious discomfort immensely.

“I’m actually waiting for someone” Magnus replied politely, still looking over at Alec and then turning to smile at the girls. Alec watched as they used every trick in the body-language book to entice Magnus to bite, but he seemed to remain humbly indifferent. 

“We certainly wouldn’t keep you waiting if you were here with us!” came the voice from the other side of him, “besides, whoever left you all alone was taking a quite a chance that no one else would find you!” she continued playfully. Magnus glanced towards Alec who was talking once more to Ben as he poured another shot, but still keeping an amused eye on the exchange.

“I appreciate your concern, and if I get lonely I promise you’ll be the first to know”. The girl sighed and nodded to her friend as she turned to walk away.  
“We’ll hold you to that Captain Stewart” she said using a fake salute and smiling seductively. Magnus chuckled in embarrassment at the surprise use of his character name from his recent movie and turned back to face a now bemused Alec.

“Did you enjoy that?” Magnus said teasingly,  
“Immensely!” Alec replied chuckling slightly, leaning on the bar and cradling his shot glass, “but I’m a little confused as to why you turned them down?”  
“Maybe I was happy to simply admire the view” he replied, still mocking but more seriously this time and nodded towards the dance floor, “and maybe I just prefer brunettes!” His eyes narrowed again as he moved a fraction closer to him. Alec stared at him fiercely and took a deep breath before knocking back one last shot of Dutch courage.

“Come with me, I want to show you something” Alec said defiantly and took off hastily in the opposite direction of the dance floor. Magnus followed without question, tripping slightly in his hurry to keep up but obviously intrigued by Alec’s sudden determination. He darted among the crowd until they came to what looked like a simple fire exit door with no handle or visual markings except for the green illuminated exit sign above the frame. 

Alec turned to make sure Magnus was close behind and then glanced over his shoulder quickly to see if anyone was paying them any attention. Satisfied that they garnered no significant interest he shoved on the door and it gave way to reveal a small dark corridor. Magnus stepped through after him and looked around the dimly lit space. Alec walked ahead, past several closed doors, until he came to the last one on the right. Next to the door was a small electronic keypad. Alec punched in a series of digits and pushed on the door as it clicked open.

He stepped inside and allowed his eyes to adjust to the hazy light emanating from the large tropical fish tank set into the far wall of the large room. The effect of the water bathed the room in soft rippling waves of light and allowed him to lead Magnus across it, avoiding the sumptuous office furniture and sleek contemporary gadgets. The music of the club was still audible, although Alec’s heart beat so loudly in his chest he feared Magnus would hear it over the muffled baseline. They came to a standstill on an oriental-looking rug in the centre of the room and Alec turned to look at Magnus.

“Whose office is this?” Magnus asked, his eyes still roaming the room, taking in as much as he could in the darkness. Alec made no answer, but just waited until his eyes came back to meet his. 

In the back of his clouded mind Alec saw the scowling face of his subconscious willing him once again to walk away from this brown-eyed can of worms and not look back. But he’d known what he wanted from the moment he’d left the dance floor and, in that moment, he gladly relinquished all reason and control over to his libido, not to mention the tequila, the effects of both he could feel coursing through his body. 

Magnus stared back at him quizzically with slight trepidation but still he said nothing. “So what did you want to show me?” Maintaining his silence Alec stepped towards him until they were no more than a few inches apart and took in a deep but laboured breath.

Suddenly he threw himself forwards and embraced Magnus, their lips crashing together in a passionate, almost violent kiss. Half a second later Magnus’s right hand grasped at Alec’s head, pulling him even closer while the left slid over his back and down over his bottom. Alec moaned quietly and tried to remember to breathe as he felt a familiar and eager pressure growing in his body. The two lovers intertwined themselves and continued to kiss unrelentingly as the temperature in the room began to rise. 

After a few chaotic moments Magnus abruptly pulled back and looked deeply into Alec’s excited eyes before sliding both hands down his torso and making quick work of his shirt buttons. Alec closed his eyes and swallowed hard as he too tugged off Magnus’s shirt, dropping it to the floor. His lips crushed up against Magnus once more as the craving under his skin made it flush red and a low moan caught in the back of his throat as the bare skin of their torsos met. 

The music in the background thumped on as Alec’s pulse quickened. Magnus’s lips caressed down his neck and he nibbled at his bottom lip as he felt a hand on his groin. Eyes still closed he found Magnus’s waist and began fumbling with his belt and jeans. Magnus grabbed at Alec’s jeans too, mirroring his own impatience, and all but ripped them open as Alec reached into his pocket then wriggled them down his legs and pulled them, and his underwear, off.

Alec was suddenly aware that they were both falling to the floor and instinctively his hands flew out behind his to cushion the impact. However, Magnus was one step ahead as he manoeuvred the descent and landed strategically on top of him whilst holding the back of his head for protection. They shared a brief smile as Magnus too wriggled free of his jeans but his grin was cut short as he heard the rip of the foil packet. His head dropped with a deep moan as Alec slid his hand inside Magnus’s shorts and massaged his rock hard arousal whilst simultaneously kissing his neck. Before he could form a coherent thought Alec began to slip the condom onto Magnus and laid back on the soft rug, fighting to control his breath.

After a few exquisite moments, Magnus grabbed both Alec’s hands and forced them above his head. Alec stared in awe as his eyes scorched into him. He brought his knees up the sides of Mangus’s legs as the throbbing sensation inside of his threatened to tear him apart. Magnus’s hands and lips began to make a slow agonising trail down Alec’s naked chest and towards his groin. Alec began to think he might just combust from the sensitivity of the skin to skin contact, but all thoughts ceased suddenly when Magnus took him into his mouth. His slow caresses and gentle licks took Alec to a higher plain of his consciousness and he failed to even notice when Magnus’s hand drifted even lower and began to touch the most intimate of areas between his cheeks. 

The slow pressure that began to penetrate Alec’s body made him cry out with both surprise and rapture. He was a generous lover and enjoyed the different sensations that came with both giving and receiving with a partner, but it had been a while and his body shuddered hard at the onslaught of sensations ripping through him. Magnus clearly picked up on Alec’s tension and moved both this mouth and hands with slow and careful strokes, preparing Alec for the pleasures to com.

“I want you” Alec managed to whisper in between deep sighs and quiet groans. He felt a sudden chill over his body as Magnus pulled back to position himself above Alec. They stared at each other for a moment in silent determination before Alecs eyes fluttered shut once more and his head craned back against the floor as he felt Magnus penetrate him. His usually chaotic mind crashed as he succumbed to the feeling of Magnus moving inside him, inch by intense inch, only stopping once he was fully seated. 

After a blissful moment, Alec managed to open his eyes to see Magnus’s face scrunched up with concentration. Alec brought his hands down and cupped his bottom, pulling it softly towards him, signalling to his lover to move. Magnus pulled back slightly then lunged forwards causing Alec to cry out in ecstasy. He gasped once more as Magnus began to move on top of him, massaging him in all the right places with every thrust. 

His eyes stayed firmly open, marvelling at Magnus as his arms began to shake as he pressed on, gathering momentum and anticipation with every blissful second. The temperature in Alec’s body began to rise and he struggled to maintain his attention on his face as Magnus surged on. He attempted to refocus his energy, to prolong the moment, but his quiet groans of delight only increased the intense fever with which Magnus pressed on. 

Suddenly Alec wrapped his legs around Magnus’s torso and tugged at his back, not knowing how much longer he could bear such powerful sensations but not being prepared to let them go either. Magnus open his eyes and Alec stared into the burning brown orbs. With one last thrust Alec screamed Magnus’ name and felt himself fall over the precipice on which he had been balancing, vaguely aware of Magnus following just behind.

A moment passed before Alec was finally able to opened his eyes, as he felt Magnus stroke his hand gently over his cheek and up through his hair, wiping away the beads of sweat that had gathered. His breathing was still ragged and the echoes of his intense orgasm could still be felt deep inside him as Magnus gently pulled away and collapsed beside him on the carpet. 

Taking advantage of the pause, Alec pushed on the floor underneath him with his hands and sat up, a wave of dizziness hitting his as his blood rushed to his head. He couldn’t help but glance down to his lover, who had yet to make a sound beyond his own heavy breathing. Magnus had his eyes closed but a peaceful grin had settled onto his face. Part of Alec just wanted to grab his clothes and make a run for it, but staring into Magnus’s beautiful blissed out face, and enjoying the simple pleasures of knowing he was the reason for it, was a tantalisingly feeling.

“Where exactly are we?” Magnus finally whispered, reality beginning to return. Alec grinned, looking around for his discarded clothes.  
“This is the club manager's office, we come here to unwind sometimes, get away from the club for a while” he began, pulling on his underwear and starting to feel a little self-conscious as Magnus had yet to move from his still horizontal position on the floor next to him.   
“And he or she doesn’t mind you guys just popping in and out?”  
Alec sniggered at Magnus’s amused tone and turned to smile at him. He lay with his hands folded under his head and a broad sleepy grin on his face.   
“It’s all about who you know” Alec replied, his gaze held by Magnus and fought the urge to lean down and kiss him once more. 

Shaking his head to regain his senses, Alec scrambled into his clothes and stood shakily as his head swam once again in a dizzy mix of tequila and reckless abandonment.   
“We should get back to the party,” he said standing over Magnus and beginning to feel a little uneasy again. The combination of alcohol, music and piercing brown eyes had gotten the better of him, but now that seemed like a feeble excuse for his irrational and uncharacteristic behaviour. Hadn’t he just been giving him the brush off less than an hour ago, and with good reason? That didn’t seem too consistent with suddenly jumping his bones in the back room of the club! And why wasn’t Magnus running for the hills and away from this crazy schizophrenic man?

“I suppose” Magnus replied smugly, pulling himself up onto his feet with huge effort and staring up at him playfully, clearly still basking in the afterglow.  
“I ought to see if Cat is OK, could you hand me my pants?” Alec pulled the discarded items off the arm of the sofa next to him, trying briefly to remember how they had gotten there, and dropped them into Magnus’s waiting arms his chest.

Magnus beamed with delight as he suddenly dropped the clothing and grabbed Alec by the waist, bringing him intimately close once more.  
“You’re not gonna get all weird on me again are you? Magnus asked, grinning and raising one eyebrow, “because I’m beginning to think you only want me for my body!” Alec failed miserably to protest as he fought back a smile and pushed his hands against Magnus’s chest to show his mock disgust at the accusation. 

“I think I need another drink,” Alec said, pulling himself away and running his fingers through his unruly hair. Magnus sighed deliberately loudly and pulled his trousers on in one fluid motion before standing.  
“What are we drinking to this time?” He asked in the same mischievous tone, “two night stands?”

“Probably best not to label anything right now” Alec replied and turned to walk back towards the door. Magnus grabbed his hand and pulled him sharply back towards him and kissed him passionately. The kiss was long and deep and a familiar after-shock coursed through from Alec’s lips down into his toes as Magnus’s hands clung on to the back of his neck.

“Does this mean you’ve forgiven me for misleading you before?” Magnus asked more gently this time, after finally pulling his lips away, all the while holding Alec’s face tightly in his hands.

“I guess it means I’m thinking about it” Alec replied, the smallest hint of a smile on his flushed face.


	10. Chapter 10 - Magnus

Chapter 10 - Magnus

 

The lovers lay relaxed and naked across Alec’s large white bed facing each other. Magnus softly stroked Alec’s skin as his hand ran over his shoulders and gently down his side, quietly listening to the subtle changes in his breathing and watching his body shudder slightly in response the touch. Magnus sighed as he revelled in the moment. It was one of his favourite periods of their time together, the peaceful exhaustion that followed the ecstasy of sex. 

Two incapacitatingly blissful weeks of secret rendezvous later and the fire of that first, or indeed second, night had still not diminished between them. On the contrary, Magnus was taken aback when they’d made love with a heightened sense of urgency this afternoon and was reassured by the growing level of emotional, as well as physical, intimacy between them. Still, despite the undeniable chemistry Magnus could not seem to silence the small voice at the back of his mind, nagging him that there was still something aloof about Alec.

Magnus had relatively little experience in the field of relationships but, being inclined to over-thinking just about everything, he had been developing his own personal doctrine on the subject of love and how he had hoped to feel one day. Once such ideal was the thought that taking a partner for granted was not the capital offence of the monogamist, as popular sentiment seemed to suggest. Moreover that it was a true sign of love and respect that a person could rely upon, and trust in another, utterly that they would always be there, no matter what. Another, more recent belief was that lasting romantic relationships had to have a basis in friendship above all, even over that of physical compatibility. This conviction was based entirely upon the strength and fortitude of his own parent’s marriage, which in its thirty-seventh year now, still seemed to reflect a deep mutual respect and reverence. 

This thought, whilst immersing Magnus with old-fashioned pride, also troubled slightly him when applied to his own most recent romantic situation. ‘How can a relationship, built purely on physical intimacy, survive long term?’ he thought to himself. It was certainly true that something almost primordial drew them together time and time again, despite the sporadic moments of better judgement on both sides. But this didn’t change the fact that he seemed to know Alec less than the staff at his favourite bar, despite how he felt! 

Magnus was still caught up in his momentary brooding when a breeze crept in through the open window of the bedroom and made Alec shiver slightly as it caught the drying sweat on his back. His pendant, that had been resting on his chest fell with the slight movement and came to rest on his collar bone. Magnus stared at it closely for the first time and saw how intricate and beautiful it was. The gold circle was finely carved with the picture of a robed man carrying a staff which seemed to be encased within a snakes coiled body . It looked old and Magnus began to imagine what or who might have lead to Alec wearing it so constantly; just one more thing he was yet to discover about his lover.

Magnus smiled to himself as he forced back his melodramatic anxieties and concentrated once more on the tranquillity of the moment. His eyes as well as his hand traced Alec’s sculpted form once more and continued down the lower half of his body until they stopped at a large scar on his thigh. 

Magnus’s forehead crease slightly as he stared speculatively at the ribbon of thin silver, flanked on each side by a row of tiny silver dots. His hand moved instinctively towards it and was almost there when Alec shivered again and sat up just enough to pull the crisp white sheet over him.

Magnus smoothed his expression but his face betrayed his curiosity as he looked up towards Alec once more. How had he never noticed the scar before? He thought he knew most of Alec’s body quite well by now, as he’d spend a great deal of time investigating it over the last two weeks, albeit usually at night.

The limits Alec had placed on time they could spend in each other’s company meant that quiet evenings in his apartment had become the extent of their ‘relationship’, and all of those evenings had ended the same way. In fact, now he thought about it, they had not been out together in public since the night of the party at Hamilton Street. Alec had been reluctant to see Magnus again, even after their tryst in the club manager’s office, but Magnus’s persistence had paid off. The energy between them had drawn them back together time and time again, and finally Alec had stopped trying to fight it.

A few times Magnus had suggested they meet for drinks or dinner but all such suggestions were met with passive aggressive hostility or cool avoidance.   
He knew it was his fame that sparked the discord between them, but Magnus still didn’t claim to understand why Alec was so averse to the idea of dating a ‘media type’ as he called it. However there was no mistaking the look of unadulterated fear in his eyes at the prospect of anyone finding out about the two of them. He too found the stifling nature of celebrity hard at times and, since they were just at the beginning of what could one day be referred to as a relationship, he was happy to remain as private as he wished, for now. However, Magnus couldn’t escape the more unreasonable and forever questioning thoughts from creeping back into his head for long. 

From under the thin cotton sheet Magnus began to move his hand in a soft pattern around Alec’s hips once more. He exhaled in pure contentment as he listened to Alec’s slowed breathing and stared at his face, eyes now closed, as he revelled in the moment. Magnus’s mind wandered again, only this time in a more positive direction, as he tried to imagine what he could have done in a previous life to feel so peaceful at this exact moment.   
This too was a common theme for Magnus over the past few months as he spent hours daydreaming on subjects such as Karma, existentialism and fate in between the brief but inevitable moments of doubt and insecurity. He was convinced that, despite his protracted ideology on the subject, he had not been in love before, just as he had not been successful in his career before now, despite momentary brushes with different levels of fame. 

Everything seemed different now though, more mature, more powerful, more connected. The intensity of his feelings at times had surprised him and he looked forward to a time when he could parade their relationship in public and show off his newly discovered happiness. He played back recent press interviews in his head, where he had been asked embarrassing questions about his relationship status, and fantasised about how he would answer them differently now, including smug words such as ‘boyfriend’ and ‘long-term’. However, Magnus’s more pragmatic side remained ever mindful of the fragility and conditional nature of their bond and how many barriers would have to be broken down to reach his imaginary interview scenario.

“How did you get that scar on your leg?” he asked softly, a little saddened to break the stillness of the room but this time his curiosity getting the better of him. Indeed the edge of mystery surrounding Alec had undoubtedly been alluring at first and only added to his growing fascination of him. However, lately that appeal was beginning to be eclipsed by an increasing desire to see behind the confident but guarded man and simply know the person buried deeply beneath.


	11. Chapter 11 - Alec

Chapter 11 - Alec

Alec sighed quietly to himself as he felt his internal barriers begin to rise instinctively. Magnus was nothing if not incorrigible! Two weeks after their one, make that two, night stand and he still refused to take no for an answer. But despite Alec’s usually better judgement he continued to let him in each time he turned up at his door and they somehow managed to end up in his bed together.

Alec had to admit that he welcomed the distraction that Magnus created from his mundane and ritualistic existence. Once or twice he had actually found himself thinking of Magnus on his walk home, wondering if he would come over that evening, and he hadn’t disappointed Alec yet. Magnus was a sensitive but ardent lover who seemed unafraid of his insecurities and always ensured Alec’s needs were wholeheartedly met. And it was this innate humility that Alec now found just as attractive as Magnus’ physical features, and that kept his door opening time and time again.

However at the same time, he could never quite escape the nagging truth of who Magnus was to the outside world and the thought of any involvement with that side of him turned Alec’s blood to ice. 

But now, here he was, lying next to Magnus at three o’clock on a Saturday afternoon, his body still humming from their morning’s exertions while Magnus stroked his skin softly. His hands left a tingle in their wake as Alec watched the small smile on Magnuss face, his eyes lazily exploring his body. For the first time in recent memory Alec managed to let allow his mind to go completely blank and surrendered to Magnus’s touch as relaxation washed over him. 

The summer breeze crept in through the open window and Alec shivered slightly. Magnus looked back into his eyes and smiled his playful crooked smile, which brought a fresh wave of tingles from within him. Magnus’s hands and eyes continued their enthusiastic exploration of Alec once more, but then the slightest of creases appeared in between his eyebrows as they came to rest on Alec’s thigh..

Alec followed Magnus’s eyes to the long ugly scar on his right thigh, one of many permanent reminders of his former life. The breath suddenly caught in his throat as an image of blood and panic passed through his head but he closed his eyes and pushed it away with all his might. Once again his body was caught in an involuntary shiver, but this chill went much deeper and left him feeling far too exposed. As casually as he could manage he leaned up and pulled the white bed sheet up and over himself. He felt his pulse suddenly pumping hard in his chest and he began to breath deeper and quicker to calm himself, a technique he had mastered once upon a time but not used in some while. 

Magnus looked back at his face and Alec forced a small reassuring smile, secretly hoping he would forget about what he’d seen. He closed his eyes as Magnus’s hand began affectionately stroking his skin once more, and he felt his breathing and heart-rate begin to return to normal. The moment passed silently but when Alec reopened his eyes Magnus was looking directly at him once again.

“How did you get that scar on your leg?”

Calmer now, Alec signed and his mind began to turn once more as he figured out his next move. As prying went, this question could be answered fairly innocently, and he was eager to return to his previous state of relaxation.

“Just a skiing accident, years ago” he said casually, running his fingers through his hair. He was a good liar and he was well practiced, thanks to his job, at diverting people away from the ugly truth until it was absolutely necessary. 

“Huh...” Magnus replied, slightly disappointed by the mundane and closed nature of the answer.  
“How long have you been skiing?” obviously hoping to recover the situation and instigate another conversation about Alec’s history. Alec eyed him suspiciously but with a wry grin on his face. He raised one eyebrow and brought his hand up to rest supportively under his ear. 

“Since I was little, and you?” he smirked, intentionally and unabashedly changing the focus of the conversation between them. Magnus smiled back and conceded defeat.  
“I just wanted to get to know you a little better, that’s all. We’ve been sleeping together for weeks now and I’m trying to count on one had all the things I actually know about you...except how you like to be touched”  
“And you know that quite well I might add”, Alee teased, running the tips of his fingers up Magnus’s arm.

Google had made it far too easy in recent years to track down a person’s darkest secrets with the smallest of leads to go on, Alec mused, and he resigned himself to gently distract or misdirect Magnus whenever curiosity got the better of him. ‘Better simple lies than reprehensible truths’ he thought to himself as the smile faded slightly from his eyes.

“Come out to dinner with me tonight!” Magnus suddenly declared, mimicking Alec and placing his head on his hand, elbow on the pillow below. Alec sighed, much louder and more prominently than before, and rolled onto his back.

“Nothing fancy, you can choose the place, just you and me...and clothes!”  
“I don’t think so” Alec replied in a soft but serious tone. He was resolved that he wasn’t going to turn this into another pointless argument about fame and privacy. But he also knew he’d hurt Mangus’s feelings previously and was trying to tread a little softer since then.

“Anyway, I have to cover an early shift tomorrow, hence the early clock-out today” he continued thoughtfully looking down towards the sheets.  
“Ok then, a friend of mines’ band is playing a gig tomorrow night in the city, just a low-key thing, we could call in and have a few drinks” Magnus replied eagerly, ignoring Alec’s exasperated sigh. He brushed his fingers along Alec’s cheek gently and smiled. “We could even sit backstage if you like?” 

“I’m sorry Magnus” was all Alec could whispered in reply. A long silence passed between them as Alec avoided looking directly at Magnus. He knew full well that his lover’s eyes would reflect the extent of his disappointment and increase the guilt that already lingered in his stomach. It wasn’t like Alec hadn’t tried to push him away, he thought to himself, but he also knew his efforts could have been more persuasive, and the more time they sent together, the more difficult it seemed to get to say no.

“Can I at least buy you a take-out?” Magnus said exasperated, and moved a little closer to Alec, his palm now stroking Alec’s stomach slowly from side to the side. Alec turned his head and stared back at him, pleasantly surprised and more than a little grateful for the change in his approach. “Only if you also provide dessert.”


	12. Chapter 12 - Magnus

Chapter 12 – Magnus

By early evening the following day Magnus had resolved to persuade Alec a little more fervently towards the prospect of a dinner date. The sun was beginning to set on the tranquil day out he’d enjoyed with Cat and his spirits were high. 

The usual wave of excitement and anticipation flowed over him as he clicked open the front gate and walked up the short path towards the front door of Alec's home. Magnus checked his watch and hastily rang the bell, his foot gently but impatiently tapping on the front step. He waited, rehearsing several cool one-liners he’d say when Alec answered and playing with his hair absentmindedly. Thirty seconds or so later and the familiar crackle of the intercom had still failed to sound. Magnus glanced down at his watch again, with more concentration this time, before pressing the bell again. ‘Seven-thirty, he should be home by now’ he thought to himself as the silence continued.

The sudden clamour of the front door bolts opening and the creaking hinges jolted Magnus to back to life. The door flung open and Jace stood in the hallway grinning at him as the look of anticipation on Magnus’s face dropped in disappointment.

“Pleased to see you too!” Jace exclaimed in his most sarcastic voice, looking Magnus up and down.  
“Sorry Jace,” Magnus stuttered, his cheeks flushing crimson,  
“I was expecting Alec, do you know if he’s home yet?”

Jace scoffed and raised his eyebrow mockingly.  
“I haven’t heard him come back yet, but it’s not unusual for his lunches with Clary to run well into the evening,” Jace replied, more sincerely this time,   
“but come on in Mags, you might as well keep me company while you wait”, his broad New York accent as welcoming as it was intimidating.  
“Ur...sure” Magnus stuttered as Jace flung a huge arm around his shoulder and half-dragged him over the threshold.

Jace led Magnus through the familiar hallway but diverted at the last minute and pushed open the oversized black gloss door at the foot of the stairs. Jace’s apartment was almost identical in layout to Alec’s, from what he could make out, with the exception of the lack of stairs from the kitchen area. However, Jace’s taste was far more lavish than Alec’s minimalist style with bold artwork and high-tech gadgets cluttering every surface. 

“I’m sure he’ll be back soon”, Jace continued catching a glimpse at a slightly uncomfortable -looking Magnus. “Fancy a beer while you wait?”

“Yeah, sure” Magnus said emphatically and grinned at Jace in thanks.  
Jace walked off in the direction of the kitchen and left Magnus alone to examine the huge amount of pictures adorning the walls of the living room. He stopped in front of a series of dark wood frames arranged quite beautifully on the wall in the shape of a flower. Each frame held a different black and white photograph; abstract portraits of various people he assumed were friends or family. The central picture was a more traditional portrait of two people hugging each other and smiling in front of an old grey building. Magnus leaned forward for a closer look and squinted his eyes as Alec’s young face came into view next to an even younger looking Jace. Both boys were wearing smart clothes under even smarter long flowing robes, and both looked so happy and triumphant.

“Graduation day!” came Jace’s booming voice from behind Magnus making him jump back with surprise.  
“Oh, right” Magnus said standing upright and trying to sound calm although his heart felt like it was in his mouth with the shock.

“So, is Alec expecting you?” Jace said, casually changing the subject and handing Magnus one of the two bottles of beer he was holding.  
“Not exactly, a buddy of mine is playing a gig in the Village tonight. He already shot me down once but I thought I’d see if I could change his mind”. Magnus was distracted from his train of thought for a moment as he saw Jace half-smile then look to the floor,  
“to be honest, I’m not sure he wants to be seen in public with me after his sister’s little revelation at the club!” he continued antagonistically, scanning Jace’s odd reaction and trying to read the inconclusive body language his huge frame made no attempt to hide.

“No, I don’t suppose he does” Jace replied with an edge of frustration in his voice and leaning on the cast-iron mantle piece behind him. He gestured to Magnus to take a seat on the huge leather sofa behind him and Magnus obliged, perching himself on the edge of it, rather uncomfortably, but too engrossed at the prospect of further information about Alec to concentrate on his seating position.

“So, what’s the deal with that?” Magnus asked in his most blasé tone. Jace look at him open his mouth to speak, but paused as he seemed to reconsider whatever he was about to say.

“Blunt fella aren’t you! He scoffed, taking a long and pensive look at the graduation picture once more. “Go easy on him” he continued with a sigh, “he’s seen some tough times and it’s made him jaded. It’s funny really; Alec and Izzy are two sides of the same coin. They are so like in many ways and yet so completely opposite in others. I’m afraid if you want the outgoing social type, you’ve picked the wrong sibling, but something tells me you’re not a ‘tails’ kinda guy!” He joked, winking.

“Be honest with me Jace...” Magnus snapped suddenly, irritated by Jaces lack of willingness to help him and crude tone, “...am I kidding myself here? Am I just some random screw to him, something to scratch an itch?”

But Jace simply smirked back at Magnus’s little outburst, like an owner whose puppy had just growled for the first time.  
“Shame,” he said in a calm tone, “and here’s me thinking you were different, that you were actually getting to know him. Never mind I guess there’s always that guy from the new Bond movie, he’s way hotter than you anyway”. 

It took a moment for reality to sink back in and Magnus found himself chuckling in a mixture of embarrassment and relief.   
“Sorry, cabin fever I guess, all this staying in has me going a little crazy. I thought a few weeks off work would be relaxing, recharge the batteries y’know”. Magnus took a long swig of his own beer and slid back on the sofa, suddenly and painfully aware that he was teetering on its edge with a very real danger of falling off onto the hard and humiliating floor below.

“So how do you two know each other anyway?” he blurted out, trying a little too hard to change the subject and asking the first un-thought through question that came to mind. As curiosities went this was definitely high up on Magnus’s list of things he wanted to know about Alec, albeit a little lower since he was was convinced that Jace was straight and unlikelihood of that connection between the men. 

“Jump to the point why don’t you!” Jace snorted, and finished his own beer with one huge swig. His gregarious but sincere nature was beginning to appeal to Magnus, but something about Jace’s contrived hostility towards this particular query heightened Magnus’s curiosity further.

“Quite the odd couple aren’t we!” Jace mocked camply, clearly more than used to Magnus’s curious reaction to the close friendship between the seemingly well turned out but guarded doctor and the leather clad rough guy from the wrong part of New York. Magnus smiled at him as Jace stared at the centre of the flower-photo arrangement on the wall and watched as a wave of what Magnus could only describe as pure affection wash over his face. 

“Alec and I go back years.” Jace turned back to look at Magnus once more and paused briefly before gesturing with his bottle towards the mantel above the fireplace. Magnus glanced over and saw several large sculptured awards carrying words such as ‘innovative’, ‘best’, and ‘winner’ engraved onto them alongside his name.  
“His dad was the one that got me started in web-design fresh out of college, not quite Oscars, but not bad for a guy like me!”

“So I’m guessing you didn’t go to medical school together?” Magnus suggested, digging a little further after overly humouring Jace’s rather outlandish performance. Jace scoffed loudly.   
“Nah, Alec's the brains of the outfit, I’m the braun, and the charm of course!”

Magnus joined in but his laughter was strained with frustration. Initially disappointed by Alec’s absence, the evening had been salvaged by the impromptu emergence of an ideal opportunity to get invaluable insider information on the absentee. However, Jace was either hyper-aware of the objective of his not-so-subtle questioning and therefore being deliberately aloof, or the subtlety was so proficient that the intent never stood a chance to begin with!

“Alec and I met at a time in both our lives when we needed someone to lean on. I’d just lost my parents and was dossing at friends houses while I tried to drink away my problems, and Alec...well, he had his own stuff to deal with. We just hit it off straight away and we’ve never lived more than 10 feet away from each other ever since.”

Magnus hung off every word as if hoping to squeeze out every last drop of insight by listening extra carefully.

“Originally we shared an apartment, with Clary and her brother Simon too. Alec and Clary were at med school together and I got a place to study art and graphic design. Then after graduation Alec’s dad bought us this place and we spent a year or so renovating it.

“His dad bought this house for you both?” Magnus interrupted suddenly, intrigued further as to what kind of platonic friendship would inspire a parent to make that kind of gesture.

“His family are into real estate, it was a good investment and we made reliable tenants,” Jace said casually, shaking his empty bottle, “but I’m afraid you’re going to have to ask Alec if you want any more information about his father’s business affairs”.

Magnus sensed that his little interrogation was coming to an end and he knocked back the remainder of his bottle in readiness to leave. He shuffled forwards on in his seat in when Jace suddenly laughed out loud at the dissatisfaction evidently written all over Magnus’s face.

“All in good time my friend!” he scolded, “All in good time. I’ll get you another” and he stood and walked off back into the kitchen before Magnus could utter another word.

Three more bottles (and a couple of joints) later and Magnus had Jace roaring with laughter at his tales of on-set practical jokes and embarrassing interview moments. The conversation had quickly moved away from anything to do with Alec as Jace had seemed very reluctant to be pumped for any further insight. However Magnus had found himself thoroughly enjoying Jace’s infectious company and was a little sad when he received a text from his agent reminding him of a meeting the following day.

“I gotta go, early start, if you see him...” Magnus conceded glumly like a grouchy teenager being told to get out of bed.  
“I’ll be sure to tell him you stopped by” Jace interrupted, smiling  
“Ur Jace...” Magnus started in a humble tone,  
“No, I won’t tell her about your little tantrum earlier, I don’t think that will help anyone, do you?” Jace replied, further anticipating Magnus’s request.

Magnus felt the heat flush momentarily in his cheeks as he bit his lip and turned his face away from Jace to leave. He made his way towards the front door and out into the entrance hall, all the time feeling Jace’s presence following behind him.

“Just one last question...” Jace interjected rather abruptly and more earnestly now as Magnus reached for the front door latch. Magnus turned back and nodded,  
“What’s so great about it all anyway? I mean besides the money?” Magnus frowned for a second confused as to Jace’s suddenly sincere tone and wondering where this line of questioning had come from. They had laughed and joked for hours, about their respective lives and Jace seemed very at ease with the idea of a famous friend, indeed he seemed to know more celebrities than Magnus himself did.

“It’s my job and I enjoy it, how many people can say that?” Magnus answered flatly, unsure of what Jace was expecting. “There’s also the fact that I’m not very good at much else” he continued, attempting to lighten the mood of the question. But Jace simply stared back at him with what Magnus could only describe as suspicion in his eyes. 

“I mean, is it all worth it?” replied Jace quietly but ardently.  
“Sometimes, and sometimes not.” was all Magnus could think to answer. 

Jace promised to asked Alec to call him, and Magnus equally promised to drop by for a drink again as he stepped out of front door and onto the step. Jace once again reassured Magnus that Alec’s schedule was erratic and that it was not uncommon for him to change or cover shifts at short notice and even sleep at the hospital on busy nights. Magnus was certainly glad to have gotten to know Jace better and this more than made up for the disappointment of missing his friend’s concert, which to be honest hadn’t crossed his mind since he had discovered Alec’s absence.

But as he pushed up the zip on his jacket and pulled on his favourite baseball cap, he couldn’t help but revisit Jace’s obscure question in the hallway and how this might be perceived in light of their mutual friend. 

Magnus was frustrated at not seeing the other resident of the house again and his thoughts quickly turned to planning the next time he might ‘pop over’. He would, of course, call in again in a couple of days time, as had been the pattern of their ‘meetings’ over the last two weeks, but the wait would be restless. 

Magnus walked down the street and breathed the Brooklyn air deeply into his lungs. Perhaps it was the residual weed in his system but he couldn’t help himself from replaying all of the bizarre moments and conversations of recent weeks, and why he kept on coming back for more. It was true that he felt very comfortable and relaxed around Alec and his friends. Reliable, trustworthy people had been in short supply since his rapid rise to stardom and Magnus was careful about whom he confided in or spent time with. But this close crowd seemed entirely indifferent with the concept of fame, almost viewing it as a petty annoyance that should be ignored or pitied rather than celebrated, a concept that Magnus found extremely cathartic.

Over the past year Magnus had been fortunate enough to travel the world and meet many beautiful and interesting people. Furthermore, ignoring the fact that he was actually somewhat reserved, his newly acquired ‘sex symbol’ status also meant that most doors would have been open to him if he’d chosen to pursue any of them. 

But this guy was different, and Magnus sighed as he mused over his infatuation with him. Alec was beautiful, smart and incredibly sexy, and the fact that he had not recognised him or swooned over him as most people did was very refreshing. Not to mention the fact that he had never experienced sex with anyone like he had with Alec. But it was more than that. The more time he spent with him, the more interesting but maddeningly mysterious he became. He’d never thought of himself as a very instinctual when it came to assessing a person’s character, and always took people at face value. But getting to know Alec was like Egyptian archaeology; there was obvious beauty and captivating mystery there, but it was a painstakingly slow and delicate process.

Magnus, whilst eager to make his way back to Alec’s house over the days that followed, erred on the side of not appearing too desperate and decided to wait a short while before contemplating the journey once more. His working life was in danger of going off the boil and his manager and agent had obviously decided that his holiday period was over and were enthusiastically waving new scripts and opportunities in front of him on a daily basis. These kept him busy and distracted from the wait and he was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the offerings. Furthermore, a message from Alec the day after his visit with Jace, apologising for his absence and expressing Jace’s enjoyment of their little chat, further bolstered his optimism and life in general seemed good.


	13. Chapter 13 - Alec

Chapter 13 - Alec

Alec watched him from the window with a wry smile as Magnus practically jogged up the street towards his house. His face, usually angled down towards the pavement and shielded by his scruffy baseball cap, was turned up towards the early evening sun and he bit at his lip to stifle the smile that threatened to beam across his face. It came as a pleasant surprise to Alec in that moment, as he enjoyed both the physical and emotional stirrings his presence provoked. Magnus’s now regular visits were becoming a point of happy anticipation for Alec after his often long and stressful days at the hospital, and today was no exception.

Exactly when Magnus had become the one person who he relished to see the most at this point in his life he couldn’t tell. There was no one moment he could place when the transition had occurred, no fanfare or giant wave of emotion, just the simple, albeit surprising, acceptance of genuine affection. The sort of affection he had not felt in a long time, and a feeling that seemed to lift him slightly from the monotony and numbness of his usually bland existence. 

Magnus was his dirty little secret, his spark of rebellion that had ignited a plethora of dormant sensations, but he was also the one thing that could threaten the entire house of cards Alec had worked so hard to build. The cynical and persistent little voice at the back of his mind would never be silenced and never failed to injected him with a hit of pure fear-filled adrenaline whenever he thought about the possible fall-out of their connection to each other. But for now he would just revel in to the more physical sensations Magnus’s presence evoked and ignore the potential ramifications as best he could.

On his arrival Alec walked ahead of Magnus into the living room of his apartment and turned to face him as they both found themselves stood in front of the sofa. Alec stepped towards him and smiled wickedly as he raised his hand and pushed it around the base of Magnus’s neck. This was one of his favourite parts of their time together, the wordless anticipation, the air thickening with lust. Alec found Magnus irresistibly sexy at this point. He had to admit to himself that he was also emotionally attracted to Magnus’s vulnerable and genuine nature, but first and foremost it was his deep brooding eyes, perfect golden skin, and strong youthful body that turned him on so acutely. 

But tonight something felt slightly off. Magnus stared back at Alec, but not with quite the same breathless fervour, and he sensed something else, slight anxiety perhaps? Hee leant in and kissed Magnus softly but passionately, but his response, whilst enthusiastic, has lost some of its earlier eagerness. Did Alec still make him nervous on some level? He thought he has been doing a better job of hiding his own anxieties of late and that they were becoming more comfortable with each other. ‘Maybe I’m just being paranoid?’ Alec mused.

“What’s wrong?” Alec asked softly as he pulled back, half smiling at Magnus’s apparent lack of gusto. Magnus pulled away from him slightly with a far away look on his face and chuckled.

“Do you ever feel like everything you’ve ever achieved in your life was nothing to do with you but the simply the result of blind luck? That you weren’t responsible for anything extraordinary that happened to you, except for maybe being in the right place at the right time?”

Far from the apparent cynicism of his statement, Magnus’s face was alight with wonder and whimsy. Alec took a step back and he felt a shudder run up his spine, landing like a dead weight squarely on his shoulders. 

“No, I don’t” he replied, his voice edged with alarm, “just the opposite in fact. I believe we are all entirely responsible for our own choices and their consequences, and you’re a fool if you think otherwise”. 

Alec’s voice was now barely a whisper and his insult was seemingly lost on Magnus as he barely acknowledged the sudden change in his demeanour.

“I had a meeting with a director yesterday, about a part in his new film, amazing opportunity, anyway I’ve got to go to LA for a few weeks” Magnus blurted out in a single breath. 

“Oh” Alec replied, moving away further to sit on the sofa next to them, “Great” he continued trying to muster as much fake enthusiasm as he could. Magnus’s broad smile was indication enough of his excitement at the prospect of leaving. 

‘What an idiot,’ Alec thought, chastising himself, ‘you of all people should know how shallow and self-involved these people can be’.  
“Do you want a glass of wine?” he offered, trying to change the subject, but Magnus wasn’t going to bite, he wasn’t finished yet.

“The shoot shouldn’t be more than five or six weeks, including rehearsals, then I’m planning to come back again, until they need me again for any ADR or reshoots.”  
“There’s no need to explain, really none of my business”. Alec said, as casually as he could and stood up to fetch the open bottle of wine that was on the kitchen counter. He heard the smallest of sighs escape Magnus’s lips and sharp irritation began to prickle down his spine.

“I just thought you’d like to know”, Magnus replied softly, nodding at Alec like an excitable child.  
“That’s very courteous of you, but I think I’ll live” Alec replied, unable or unwilling to hide the patronizing tone in his voice. He looked away from Magnus a fraction too late and saw all of the excitement fall away from his face. 

Alec’s bubble had well and truly burst and he felt nothing but the cold hard outside air. He had no one to blame but himself and the pain of it churned in his stomach. He had broken pretty much every rule he had created for himself and survived by, and now to be dumped so unceremoniously after a few casual rolls in the sack was his punishment. Despite the magnitude of their differences and the obvious risks their friendship had posed, he had failed to stop himself from starting to trust Magnus, and this was his reward.


	14. Chapter 14 - Magnus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for your kudos and fab comments, its so wonderful to hear people getting so invested in the story. I haven't written one of these before but the encouragement from the community is awesome! I'm trying to update this as often as I can, especially when leaving our boys in an uncertain or anxious place at the end of a chapter! But as this is a POV fic, it needs to jump around a bit and is entirely dependant on the chapter protagonist's own interpretation of events. Their relationship will be a slow burn, with lots of angst along the way, but please bear with them, everyone has their own story and nothing worth having ever comes easy :-)

Chapter 14 - Magnus

 

“Why don’t you fly out and visit in a few weeks, when was the last time you took a vacation?” Magnus said, trying to ease the rising tension now engulfing the air between them. Why did it have to be this hard? He had to go, if he was to maintain the momentum of his career he’d have to follow the advice of his agent and take this job. Besides it was a great part with equally as great people attached to it, he’d be a fool to say no.

But, at the same time he could not fully ignore the conflict within himself, why did it have to be now? Over the course of a few short weeks he felt like he’d experienced more emotionally than in the rest of his life put together. He now knew what all the fuss was about, and therein lay the irony; 12 months ago he could have sat right in the middle of Time Square and no one would have paid him any attention whatsoever. Now, the very time when he needed to be left alone to figure out what he wanted and what he was feeling, everyone wanted a piece of him. He couldn’t stay, but he couldn’t go, not without knowing what he wanted to come back to.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I can’t simply drop everything. Most people have real jobs and real responsibilities, I’m not one of your sycophantic assistants!” Alec snapped, his voice laced with anger, but his eyes betraying the pain beneath.

Magnus stared at him in shock as his reaction shot at him like a bullet from a gun. He had thought hard about how to ease the news to Alec, to reassure him that he had not sought the opportunity out and that he really didn’t want to go anywhere. He wanted to stay and explore what they had, or were starting to have. But he could never have anticipated the sudden change in Alec and the unanticipated panic that seemed to gripped him.

“I never meant…I just thought…!” Magnus stuttered in frustration. Clearly he wasn’t explaining himself at all well.

“I don’t have a choice, I just want to know where we are before I leave. Believe it or not, I’m going to miss you, to miss us! This isn’t going to change anything!” He stepped towards Alec and reached out a hand towards his strained face.  
“I’m sure they’ll be plenty of other guys in LA who’ll be queuing up to help keep a big star like you warm at night” Alec said, turning away from him coldly.  
“What do you take me for?” Magnus yelled, his pleas quickly slipping into hurt, “I’m not going to cheat on you if that’s what you think”  
“What is there to cheat on? This isn’t a relationship and I’m not your boyfriend. I told you, I don’t get involved with people like you!”

“So what is this we’re doing? And what exactly do you mean by ‘people like me’!” Magnus yelled, the pain and anger slicing through his throat as he spoke.

“Listen to me, when you sign up for fame you literally sell your soul. I am so sick of you people whining about the lack of privacy or the invasion into your lives and the lives of those around you. That’s the deal and everyone, especially nowadays, knows the score. Celebrities get paid more than anyone for a reason. If you put yourself up for sale and the media buys into you, news flash, they own you. The more famous you get, the more you get paid but the less you control your own life and sometimes, you lose everything!” Alec’s voice was full of bitterness and broke on the last word. Magnus stared back at him, eyes wide with shock at his sudden and irrational outburst. 

“It doesn’t always have to be like that, you’re generalising, you know I’m not like that, I don’t care about any of that...” Magnus pleaded, confused and exasperated, “...But I do care about you Alexander!”

Alec paused for a millisecond and looked away from him. He raised his hand to his chest and it came to rest over the tiny gold pendant that lay there. His hand curled tightly around it as it rose and fell with his deep and laboured breaths.

“I will not be a part of that…. I’ve seen what it can do and you’re a fool if you think you’ll be any different. I told you before, I am not your boyfriend so no, I don’t want to drop everything and fly halfway around the country for you! Just go!”

Magnus remained speechless. He looked around the room to dispel the moisture he could already feel welling in his eyes and breathed hard to dislodge the lump in his throat. Was he really nothing more than a fuck to him? The realisation hit him like a sledgehammer. He’d always been prone to romanticism and he now realised how he had idealised their relationship, if that was even what it was. How could he be so stupid! How could a beautiful, educated, older man find anything compelling enough in him to want a relationship with him? He was insecure, awkward and kind of lanky-looking. He would even go so far as to say talentless, even in the face of the recent success. It was as he’d always suspected, once you scratch the shiny and artificial surface, what lay underneath was dull and uninteresting. 

“You’re right, I think I should go...” he finally spoke in a quiet and muffled voice. He wasn’t about to hang around to be ripped to shreds again, “...I need to pack and sort some stuff out” he continued turning away from Alec towards the door but pausing to walk through it. A sizeable part of him longed for Alec to stop him, to call him back with apologies and warmth, but as the pause lengthened, repentance simply never came.


	15. Chapter 15 - Alec

Chapter 15 - Alec

 

Alec’s skin ran cold as he heard the door slam. He had already felt himself begin to move towards Magnus. Had he gone too far? Did he mean all the things he’d said to him? Or was his panic directed in another direction entirely? Maybe Magnus wasn’t just looking for a quick way out? Whatever the case he didn’t deserve to be treated like that and Alec felt the shame creeping slowly through him. 

Alec was suddenly jolted out of position he heard Magnus’s heavy tread as he ran down the stairs. He quickly found himself in the hallway and at his apartment front door, the least he could do was try to apologise for the dreadful way he’d reacted to his news. Alec turned the latch and opened the door just in time to hear the outer front door slamming and Magnus’s footsteps almost running down the path and out onto the street beyond.

Alec made it only halfway down the stairs when he abandoned the pursuit and sank down onto one of the steps. He closed his eyes and let his face come to rest on his hands whilst his knees propped up his elbows close to his aching chest. 

A silent moment passed before the sound of a door latch brought his head back out of the cradle of his hands. He didn’t have time to consider the logic of the fact that Magnus didn’t have a key to his house, he just felt the hope pierce his chest like a needle and then scatter just as quickly as Jace stepped out of his apartment and into the communal hallway.

“Who the hell’s slamming around out here?” he said with fake annoyance before turning and seeing Alec sat in the middle of the stairs. Alec saw Jace’s face morph as he registered the turmoil in his and all he could do was stare back at him with dismay and instant remorse.

“Was that Magnus?” Jace asked in confusion, but Alec just nodded in return. Jace started to climb the stairs slowly and came to rest on the step below.   
“Why was he in such a hurry?” He continued, staring directly at Alec with one eyebrow raised in accusation.  
“He had to go. He’s leaving, back to LA, new project or something” Alec replied quietly, shaking his head and trying to maintain a level of apathy in his voice.  
“And I’m guessing you took that news on the chin?” Jace sighed, patronizingly.

Alec kept his eyes low to escape Jace’s disparagement and hide the hurt growing inside of him. “What did you say?” Jace replied camply.

Alec stared warily into his huge warm eyes but saw nothing but love. They were undoubtedly very different people, but they had met under highly traumatic circumstances and had been drawn together in deep mutual respect for each other by what followed. From that first encounter the normal social pretences that would have invariably separated them had been swept aside by one simple act of charity. The tough street kid from Brooklyn and the privately educated gay kid from the upper east side were certainly an unlikely match. But they never had the chance to see each other in the categories society had placed them and so never developed the discriminations that both of their circles did at first. But Alec and Jace had remained the very closest of friends for years now and precious few knew Alec as well as Jace did.

Today was unusual, but at the same time, not unpredictable. Jace had seen Alec intentionally, as well as subconsciously, chase away lovers before, the frightened and close-off boy in him always turning to run once things became a little too involved. He had often accused Alec of being emotionally unavailable, of being far more passionate about his professional than his private life. This theme was a constant during their late night drunken and nonsensical discussions about the irrationality of monogamy and the state of the union in general. 

But Alec had always maintained that he didn’t want anyone to commit to. He believed that lovers were all well and good for short periods of mutual fun, but he wanted to grow old and senile with Jace, whom he had lovingly referred to as his brother for as long as he could remember. Jace was safe and trusting, and most importantly knew and loved Alec for everything that was uniquely him, the good and the bad. Even Alec’s parents now referred to Jace as their son. 

“I didn’t...” Alec said defensively, “just a few home truths which he obviously didn’t want to hear”.  
“Or your warped version of the truth more like” Jace snapped back snidely. Alec sighed again and looked at him. There was no hiding from Jace and before he even knew what was happening his vision blurred as the tears welled in his eyes.

“Oh my God, call a doctor!” Jace said in sarcastic shock, “Someone has finally gotten through to you! And an actor who’s half your age no less, I’m ashamed of you” He chided in his most comically-outraged voice.  
“What do you mean ‘finally’?” Alec demanded, “and he’s hardly half my age, you can talk old man, what about that new bar tender at 101, can you say sugar daddy?”

“Yes, but you’re respectable, and I’m just irresistible!” he replied, smiling proudly. The reproach had worked and Alec was now smiling back at him. He reached up and gave him a big bear hug. 

“I never meant to hurt him Jace” Alec whispered, looking down towards his hands once more, which were blotched with red and white patches where he had squeezed them too tightly.  
“But everything happened so fast, one second it was all good, and the next I just lost it. He talked about fate and coincidence….and how I should go to LA to see him…”  
“And your walls went up quicker than cold war era Berlin?” Jace quipped, interrupting Alec’s ramblings. “I get it Alec, this whole thing scares the hell out of you, but I know you, and this Magnus guy is different, you're different. You just need to keep your head out of your ass for long enough to apologise to him and start to let him in a little.”

“I’m not sure he’ll want to hear it, I really let rip on the poor guy” Alec sighed in defeat.  
“Everyone behaves like a dick occasionally Alec, even smart doctors like you. But that's why nice people invented forgiveness and humble pie, so get baking fella! But seriously, you’re going to have to start chipping away at those defences of yours if you’re ever going to stand a chance with him, or anyone for that matter. Magnus seems like the kind of guy who’d be willing to wade through someone's baggage, and undeniably we all have it, but you have to meet him halfway. And besides, he would never have wanted you to be alone for the rest of your life Alec," Jace nodded knowingly towards his brother's necklace.

Once again the tears welled in Alec's eyes, but he managed a small affectionate smile for his brother, whose own eyes shone with nothing but genuine love and sympathy.   
“When did you get so wise?” he smirked, his hand unconsciously being drawn to the small pendant around his neck.   
“Oh, I’ve always been this good, it’s just my ravishing good looks get in the way of people noticing my wisdom” Jace nodded and puffed out his chest in pride. 

Alec shook his head but a loud beeping jolted him out of his thoughts. He reached down to his waist automatically, pulled off the pager and scanned the message on the digital display.

“I’ve got to go” Alec said matter of factly and rubbed his eyes to remove the last traces of his emotional indiscretion.  
“Back to business” Jace said still smiling at him, “I’ll be in later on tonight if you wanna drop by for a beer?”  
“Maybe” Alec replied distracted as he quickly rose to his feet and began climbing the stairs once more, “I still value my integrity Jace.”  
Jace sighed heavily as Alec lumbered up the stairs, “well I hope you and your integrity are very happy together!” he yelled after him.

Jace put his hands in his pockets and slowly descended in the opposite direction. “Hey Alec...” Jace suddenly called up the stairs just as Alec reached his apartment, “Y’know if I were gay I’d ask you to marry me and have your babies right?”. Alec’s eyes closed briefly and a broad smile crossed his face. Jace had said that line to him a thousand times and it never failed to warm his heart.   
He opened his eyes and glanced tenderly back at Jace who was now at the foot of the stairs, “And you know if you were gay buddy, I’d say not a chance! Far too high maintenance!” before disappearing through the open door.


	16. Chapter 16 - Magnus

Chapter 16 – Magnus

What the hell did he mean ‘people like me? Who the hell is he to judge me anyway? Magnus fumed to himself as he practically ran down the quiet Brooklyn street. His head was pounding almost as loudly as his heart but he could not stop, he had to get away. He jogged across roads and past countless stores and houses, the anger coursing through his veins, pain rising in his chest with every heavy step. 

The sudden screech of tyres and sound of a car’s horn jolted him out of his haze and he found himself standing with his hands planted firmly on the bonnet of the car now directly in front of him. He stared into the shocked face of the frozen driver as the pungent smell of burnt rubber filled his nostrils. The driver suddenly came to life and jumped out of the car, running around his door and towards Magnus with his hands over his mouth in disbelief. 

“Oh my god, are you ok?” the man shouted, looking Magnus up and down, scanning for any sign of injury. Magnus turned to stare at him, his senses returning, the adrenaline making his limbs shake uncontrollably.  
“I…I’m sorry, I…” he stuttered, his mind now totally blank, unable to prize his hands away from the shiny yellow surface.

“Should I call 911? Do you need to sit down?” the man implored, placing his hand on Magnus shoulder. The contact jolted Magnus and he began to look around him for recognisable signs as to where he might be. A few people had begun to gather on the sidewalk across the street from them and one woman in particular stared at Magnus, mouth slightly open. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, tapping frantically at the glass to urge it to life before holding it up in Magnus’s direction.

“No, I’m fine” Magnus murmured, stepping away from the man’s reach and turning away from the small crowd of onlookers. He looked up at the man and saw nothing but concern and kindness in the eyes that met his. The man was clearly of pensionable age and but was well turned out and wore a flat cap and glasses. Magnus began to feel faint and slightly sick, but could hear the whispers behind him.

“At least let me give you a ride somewhere, free of charge of course, just get you home safe” the man continued raising his hand towards the rear of the car. Magnus followed his gaze and noticed the ‘taxi’ light on top of the car for the first time. The familiar sound of camera phone clicks began to register behind him and he instinctively tugged on the brim of his baseball cap.

“Yeah, OK, thank you” he whispered as he saw the man looking behind him with a quizzical look on his face. Magnus staggered to the back of the car, the man close by, and pulled himself into the cab. He slumped into the seat and pulled on the collar of his jacket to hide all he could of his face from the people who had begun to inch closer. The driver, still concerned but now looking slightly bemused jumped into his seat and set off.

Magnus breathed a sigh of relief as they drove away from the prying eyes and felt his hands rub his face as the tears began to sting his eyes. 

“You just came out of nowhere fella” the driver quipped, glancing as often as he could in his rear-view mirror. “Where on earth were you going in such a hurry, you almost gave me a heart attack!”

Magnus looked up, the nausea subsiding a little and his own heart-rate returning to normal. He thought about the question and the events leading up to the accident. His earlier anger had literally been knocked out of him by the force and randomness of it all, and now a sobering cocktail of confusion and hurt reigned. He was so excited to tell Alec his news, so full of potential and daydreams of onset fun and relaxing dates in the LA sun. But in a few short moments he had been left bruised and battered, both inside and out, and he had no idea how.

“My...I went to visit someone, and we had an argument, I think we just broke up...” Magnus mumbled.   
“I knew it, it’s always to do with a woman, drive us blokes crazy they do, can’t live with ‘um, can’t live without ‘um!” the cabbie quipped, trying his best to make Magnus feel better.   
”Yeah, something like that” Magnus signed.  
“So where are you headed fella?”  
“Um, Los Angeles I guess”.


	17. Chapter 17 - Alec

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's get to know Alec a little better...

Chapter 17 - Alec

Walking through the automatic doors of the ER that evening felt oddly unfamiliar to Alec. It was Friday night and the usual chaos ensued throughout the department. As always, people and paramedics bustled in and out whilst nurses and doctors frantically laboured in vain to reduce the waiting times of aggravated patients as well as deal with the constant intake from ambulance bay. From what Alec could see nothing much had changed and yet everything felt so different. It had been less than two hours since the confrontation with Magnus and his abrupt departure, but the pain Alec felt in his chest had been gradually diffusing throughout him ever since. 

Remorse had replaced anger, which in turn had been surpassed by waves of confusion and guilt. Alec’s head versus heart argument had savaged him both physically and emotionally and it was beginning to taking its toll, so much so that, for the first time ever, he resented his beeper mumbling angrily every few minutes in his pocket.

A few steps into the building and Alec found himself adjacent to the admissions desk. For no logical reason he stopped dead in his tracks waited for the reaction. The busy area suddenly seemed muted as he braced himself. Surely it wouldn’t take long for the staff to notice the change in him? Better to get any scrutiny or inquisition out of the way now so he could get on with his job? His eyes slowly moved around the room, but his face was otherwise blank and all he could hear was a dull unintelligible hum of the usual hustle and bustle. But as always the waiting area was packed and no one stopped, no one even seemed to notice his presence.

“Is everything OK Dr Lightwood?” asked one of the nurses in a concerned voice, jolting Alec out of his daze. Suddenly the volume in the crowded area returned to normal and Alec jumped, pulling in a sharp breath. He turned to face the rather harsh-looking but familiar woman and scrambled in his mind for an appropriate response.

“...only Dr Branwell is waiting for you in Radiology, there’s been a multiple MVA and Dr Wallace is already in surgery” the nurse continued quietly and awkwardly, following the short pause with no answer from Alec.

“Thank you” Alec replied, regaining his focus at the thought of the distractingly hectic night ahead of him and hastily walked off towards the staff locker room. A big accident coupled with lots of walk-ins would mean very little time to further linger on the evenings other dramas and that suited Alec just fine.

In fact, life in the ER was far more suited to Alec than even he knew. Erratic schedules and stressful conditions meant that the trauma speciality was suitable only for those with no real lives or responsibilities, with doctors normally transferring to other departments once the pressure had taken its harsh and inevitable toll. But Alec loved his discipline. The anthropologist in him thrived on the constant source of subjects for his study of the human condition but the temporary nature of patient custody removed the obligation to cultivate any kind of genuine caregiver relationships. 

Alec had seen every kind of person and every kind of injury during his tenure at the hospital but now the pain in his own chest now made him anxious. He worked even harder than usual that evening, stopping only to grab several rejuvenating cups of coffee when tiredness threatened his concentration. But work, as ever, had done the trick and by the time he was back outside his own front of the door once more he was almost asleep on his feet. 

The next few days passed in much the same way. Alec successfully avoided Jace’s suggestions that they talk further by easily showing more than the usual signs of exhaustion every time their paths crossed in the communal area of the house. Days turned quickly into a week and Alec became adept at ignoring the dull ache emanating from the pain in his chest by working as many hours as he was legally allowed. Once again he had managed to encapsulate his feelings into another tidy emotional storage box and tuck it away at the back of his mind thereby removing all necessity to deal with it directly. Besides, Magnus would be far better off without him anyway, right? Just as Magnus was light and open, he was dark and closed off, they were opposites in every way that mattered. Their lives, their needs, their outlooks, were all at odds, so if its was so logical to step away why did it hurt this much?

Slowly Alec began to resume his pre-Magnus existence and he even indulged in a visit to the bar during one particularly pleasant summers evening. Alec couldn’t ignore Jace’s text messages for much longer as they had been growing in both frequency and agitation. The latest communication, received just that morning had ultimatum written all over it; either he meet up with him at the bar or consider the alternative location of the doctors lounge at work for a frank discussion about his inability to express emotion! 

Jace eyed Alec suspiciously from the moment he arrived in the small bar, his tactical approach to the conversation clearly already planned out for this rare moment of Alec’s undivided attention. Alec nodded to Mia on arrival, who was standing alone behind the bar, but walked on towards his usual table without stopping. His glance lingered enough to notice the waitresses face drop slightly after the initial smile, without doubt disappointed upon seeing that Alec was, not only alone, but here to meet someone other than his famous companion of the last couple of visits. Alec bit his lip and prayed silently that the excitable young woman would not stray beyond the usual small talk and ask any embarrassing questions regarding this. 

The lid of the ‘Magnus box’ at the back of Alec’s mind rattled loudly as he passed the two empty stools at the end of the bar, but he swallowed hard and pushed it shut once more. He reached the sofas just as Jace raised to his feet to greet him. They hugged warmly and Alec held onto his friend for a fraction longer than usual, a silent gesture of apology for being preoccupied and avoiding of late. 

They chatted with no hint of strain, both relishing the others company after the unusually long interval between decent conversations. Any worry Alec might have borne that Jace would subtly try to work Magnus’s name into the conversation fell by the wayside as he revelled in Jace’s endlessly jovial nature. Mia too seemed to sense the unspoken veto on the subject of a certain movie-star visitor when she eventually did come over to greet Alec and Jace, and Alec smiled to himself at another milestone passed. He was pleased to find that he still enjoyed the ambience of the quaint little bar and that none of his recent mis-endeavours had spoilt the charm it held for him 

A bottle rather than the intended glass of wine later and Mia was still perched on the arm of Jace’s sofa giggling frantically as he recounted the tales of his most recent conquests with intimate detail and camp cliché. The bar was quiet tonight and Alec had the following day off so he was easily persuaded into staying for longer than his original plan. Indeed one or two more drinks would almost certainly guarantee a decent lie-in in the morning which would conveniently preoccupy him until his lunch date with Clary. 

The three companions looked automatically over their shoulders as the front door creaked open but Alec’s attention was the only one whose was caught by the new customer. A tall blond man swaggered in, immediately scanning the bar and finding Alec where he sat and smiling his gleaming white smile directly at him. Alec smiled back politely and then turned back to Jace and gestured a little too frantically for him to continue his latest anecdote. 

“Mmmm, who's that?” Jace whispered wickedly, noticing his friend’s uneasiness at the handsome and confident man who had walked in and was now leaning in a model-style pose at the bar, clearly checking Alec out. Alec raised a judgemental eyebrow at his excited friend and shook his head patronisingly.

“That’s Dr Sebastian Morgenstern” he answered formally, “he’s a colleague of mine, just transferred from London, and he’s a little persistent,” he continued grimacing slightly.  
“He seems into you, what's the problem?” Jace teased.  
“He’s just a little…, I dunno, he gives me the creeps” Alec replied, dismissively  
“Oh I see, you’re too good for him I suppose?” Jace chided, ignoring Alec’s discomfort and winking at Mia who had covered her mouth with her hand to hide her smile, “either that or you've decided to give up on men entirely?!”

Alec raised one eyebrow and leaned away from Jace in genuine surprise. What did he mean? Did he really think of him as a snob, or worse a self-destructive fool doomed to a life of solitude, or was the alcohol in his system causing him to over-analyse Jace’s usually harmless banter. Refusing to be written off as either one, Alec suddenly reached for and gulped the last of the wine in his glass and resolutely rose to his feet. The haste of the movement made his head spin slightly but he quickly regained his composure and walked away from his friends in the direction of the bar. 

Sebastian, slightly taken aback with this new directness, straightened his own posture and watched Alec eagerly as he confidently approached. Alec turned briefly to see the open mouthed shock of the friends he left behind, and with that in mind, stopped in front of Sebastian and smiled at him broadly. 

“Good evening” Alec said formally but graciously, leaning his elbow on the bar.  
“Good evening to you Dr Lightwood” Sebastian replied, pleasantly surprised, clearly enjoying Alec’s seemingly affable mood this evening.  
“Please Sebastian, it’s Alec in here,” he continued edging slightly forward and tapping him on the arm affectionately.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt you and your friend” Sebastian said looking over Alec’s shoulder and gesturing towards Jace who was making no effort to conceal his blatant spying on their exchange.  
“Oh don’t worry, that’s my just my brother” Alec dismissed, deliberately answering Sebastian's subtexted question as to whether or not Jace was anything romantic to Alec.

Mia, who had now made her way back behind the bar, stood politely in front of them in anticipation of Sebastian’s order.  
“In that case, can I buy you a drink?” Sebastian said winking patronisingly at the waitress then leaning back on the bar and half-smiling boldly at Alec. Mia rolled her eyes out of sight of Sebastian, who seemingly only had eyes for Alec, and looked towards her friend with a bemused expression. Alec looked down for a moment to hide his own fading smile and considered his next move. His mind wandered to the small part of him that craved a different smiling face in that moment but he quickly pushed it away, determined to prove to Jace, and himself, that he was capable of a normal life and was open to new experiences. ‘Fresh start, fresh ideas’ he thought to himself as optimistically as he could and looked back towards Sebastian.

“Yes thank you, gin and tonic please?” Alec replied, looking back up to Sebastian with his enthusiasm re-composed.   
“Two gin and tonics sweetheart” Sebastian half-barked to Mia who simply nodded politely and turned away to comply.  
“Would you just excuse me for a moment” Alec said, pointing behind him as a series of loud coughs emanated from the back of the room. Sebastian grinned again and nodded as Alec turned to walk back to where Jace was still watching

“He’s a charmer!” Jace said sarcastically but softly as soon as Alec was in whispering range.  
“You’ve changed your tune” Alec snapped back, “now I’m too good for him I suppose!”  
“I just wanted to know what your game plan was that’s all” Jace replied, ignoring Alec’s impertinence and narrowing his eyes suspiciously, “He’s not your type Bro”  
“And why not?” Alec snapped, careful to maintain the level of volume in his voice,  
“He’s smart and well respected, he understands the demands of my job and he’s the same age as me. Plus he doesn’t have the paparazzi following his every move, if that’s what you’re getting at!”

“As long as you know what you’re doing,” Jace replied calmly, dismissing Alec’s little outburst casually.  
“Well I’m off, unless you need me for anything else. I’ll see you at home” he said, much louder this time, for Sebastian’s benefit Alec surmised, and rose to his feet.

Jace bear hugged a slightly reluctant Alec and gave his annoyed face a big noisy kiss on the cheek.  
“Love you, be safe” he whispered in his ear as he turned to leave. Alec’s irritation melted in that second and he hugged him a little tighter, refusing to let him go. Jace pulled free and walked away, winking at Mia and nodding manfully to Sebastian as he strode out. 

Alec took a deep breath and headed back over to where Sebastian and his drink now waited. Sebastian was dressed, as per usual in expensive tailored clothes, not the flashy designer gear, but more understated and upmarket . Alec instinctively knew the difference between old and new money, and Sebastian was showing all the signs of a well-practiced social climber. The clothes, ever-so-slightly over the top, mirrored the way he spoke with his overly emphasised British accent and cocky demeanor. Beyond plain old Dr Lightwood, did Sebastian in fact know who he was, who his family were? Or was the alcohol exaggerating his already heightened sense of cynicism yet again?

Sebastian was certainly living up to his persistent nature, despite the warnings he would have undoubtedly received from the hospital staff when making enquiries as to Alec’s out-of-work movements. ‘Is it really Impossible for anyone to just like you for you?’ he thought to himself sarcastically, ‘oh well, only one way to find out!’

Sebastian winked again at Mia as she set down his change next to the drinks on the bar and walked away. Something about this gesture screamed condescension in a way that Jace’s hadn’t but Alec persevered with his ‘benefit of the doubt’ plan and raised his glass.

“So, what shall we drink to” he said warmly,  
“How about to the wonders of modern medicine” Sebastian suggested casually, all the while watching for Alec’s reaction.  
“To medicine then” Alec replied raising his glass a little higher and taking a sip of the cool drink. Whilst Alec had no objection to the chosen toast, he couldn’t help thinking to himself that Sebastian had an ulterior and that, prudently pointing out one of the signs of their compatibility, was part of that. He inwardly smiled once more at his own pathetic-ness and the way his mind always managed to twist the most innocent of situations into something sinister. Sebastian however, marked this smile and his confidence bolstered further as a result.

“You know I have been admiring your work Alec,” Sebastian began as Alec took another long sip.  
“You are very focused and committed to your patients, it’s quite rare in my experience to find someone so composed in trauma situations”  
“Thank you, years of practice I suppose” Alec replied looking into his drink, never comfortable with compliments, but sighing to himself about how Sebastian would react if he knew how he had become so focused.  
“Perhaps I can take you for dinner sometime and you can fill me in on the highlights of those years?” Sebastian suggested with gusto, causing Alec to gulp the remainder of his drink in one go. 

Having assumed Sebastian would take at least more than one drink to work up to such a request Alec was caught off guard. He brought his glass down on the bar a little harder than he intended and it cracked with the force.  
“Damn it!” he said loudly with an embarrassed chuckle just as Mia ran over once more to clear away the broken glass.  
“Don’t worry about it, are you alright?” she said, more concerned to see if Alec had cut himself than by the unsalvageable glassware.  
“I’m fine”, Alec replied, holding up his hands as evidence, “but I think I’d better call it a night before anything else gets broken!”

Mia nodded with a smile and walked off with the glass wrapped carefully in a bar towel. Alec turned back to Sebastian and was surprised by the anxious look on his face. It only took a second for him to remember his request for dinner and Alec’s lack of response, and he suddenly felt a pang of guilt.

“Sorry about that, one too many I guess” he said to ease the tension, “and yes, that would be nice, sometime”.  
Sebastian’s mood immediately improved and his broad smile betrayed all of his previous cavalier posturing.  
“Great, how about next Thursday, a friend of mine owns an outstanding little restaurant in the city” he said excitedly, albeit a little egotistically.  
“Ok, we can meet here after work” Alec interjected before Sebastian had the chance to ask where he lived.  
“It’s a date!” He replied.  
“Right, I’ll be off then,” Alec said, walking back over to the sofas where he retrieved his forgotten bag and coat.  
“See you at work” Sebastian called eagerly as he walked back past him towards the front door, blushing with a mixture of embarrassment and intoxication as he went.

The fresh air on the other side of the door did nothing to clear Alec’s foggy brain. On the contrary, his head swirled again with the sudden increase in oxygen and a mild feeling of nausea crept up from the pit of his stomach. He began mentally counting the number of glasses of wine he’d consumed, a little confused by this unusual reaction to the seemingly moderate amount. Dismissing this useless exercise, but with his head still refusing to find its equilibrium once more, Alec looked around to gather his bearings. He briefly contemplated a cab ride home before deciding that the walk would probably do him some good.

The further he walked, the more he began to replay the events of the last couple of hours. He tried to concentrate on the familiar landmarks that beckoned him home but his mind would not be distracted and it wandered off in uncomfortable directions. In addition, the residual alcohol in his system further heightened his overly-analytical and pedantic thoughts as doubt and regret soured his recollections. Jace’s teasing had motivated him into accepting Sebastian’s unwanted advances and now the ramifications of that actions were becoming all too clear. 

Sebastian was, for the most part, the opposite of what he usually found attractive in a potential lover, hence his initial hesitation at forming any extra-vocational attachments to him. His formality of dress and conduct reminded him too much of pompous relations or friends of his parents, and his arrogant conversation style all too often left many feeling patronised. Alec was very rarely intimidated by anyone but he knew the condescending effect Sebastian had on their mutual colleagues and how uncomfortable he felt that he’d singled Alec out for special attention upon his arrival at the hospital.

Alec shook his head to break the flow of unpleasantness and tried hard to focus on Sebastian’s better points. He had, rashly or otherwise, made plans with him, and his old-fashioned sense of morality would not allow him to break them. He tried to focus on the more obvious details first. He had to admit that Sebastian was quite attractive and had forged a distinguished career to date, something he greatly respected regardless of the no doubt privileged way in which he had achieved this success. His career and similar working patterns to Alec’s would make any possible hook ups easier, not to mention the fact that Sebastian would definitely be the kind of man that his friends would not approve of, and so wouldn’t insist on inviting them anywhere as a couple.

Above all else though, Sebastian’s presence and the quandary of his advances had pushed away all thoughts of a certain actor, for a while at least. He could easily forgive the condescension of Mia, or Sebastian’s smug attempts at compliments, as this evening he had begun to feel normal again, or whatever his definition of normal had been just a few short months ago. For all of Sebastian’s faults he had to consider the fact that they may well, on paper at least, be compatible and anything which had the power to further remove him from any latent feelings he harboured for a much less well-suited person had to be worth investigating.

Alec jumped as he heard his phone beep from inside of his coat pocket. He looked up and discovered to his surprise that he was standing in front of the gate to his house. He had spent so long convincing himself of the merits of his impromptu decisions that evening that he’d walked the entirety of the journey on auto-pilot. He flipped open his phone and grinned at the cheeky message from Jace, firstly asking him to send word that he’d arrives home safely, then asking him whether he should go for the blonde or the brunette, both of whom had just walked past him on the way into his favorite club.

‘Definitely the brunette!’ Alec texted back, smiling to himself at the prospect of having some uncomplicated fun in his own life once again. He would treat Sebastian as he had most of his previous lovers, mutual enjoyment then and move on without complication. A quick change of shift or favour called in from the right consultant could bring a neat end to any awkwardness if things got too heavy, or as soon as Sebastian realised how empty Alec really was under the surface.

***

It was late morning when Alec finally pulled himself out of bed. The previous evening’s excesses had indeed done the trick and by the time Alec was showered, dressed and ready to go it was almost 11.30am. 

Midday on Saturday was a sacred time of the week in Alec’s world. He had never given much credence to theology or institutionalised religion, preferring the concrete answers of science and dismissing any ideas of an afterlife in the absence of first-hand evidence. But Alec did have his own kind of faith, in that of his friends, his own holy day and his own ‘church’, which he ‘religiously’ attended on Saturdays; the aptly named ‘Angel’s Retreat’ coffee shop in Brooklyn. There, once a week, he would meet with Clary and ruminate on the events of the past seven days. 

Alec was bang on time as he stepped through the small double doors into the cosy interior space. The smell of freshly ground beans was exhilarating, as was the usual wink from the hot young Italian owner who was standing behind the small counter as he walked by smiling. Maria was just another in a long line of Jace’s fleeting conquests. This affiliation only dampened the appeal of the Retreat for a short while but eventually endured it as a Jace-free establishment since his hasty ban!

Alec made his way to their usual booth in one corner of the shop. He was not in the least surprised to see Clary already there, waiting for him, but the sour look on her face made him walk a fraction slower. Alec bit his lip anxiously as he approached his obviously aggrieved best friend and stopped a pace or so away from the table and waited. Clary put down the ‘reserved’ sign she’d been twirling around in her hands and rose without changing the expression on her stony face. She took one step towards Alec and threw her arms around him. 

The act, although habitual for the pair, came as a sharp relief for Alec and he hugged Clary back lovingly. Clary pulled away first and held Alec’s face in her hands before giving him a small but loving peck on the nose. Alec chuckled and shook his head patronisingly as they both sat.

A few seconds later, Alec’s favourite blend of coffee appeared on the table in front of her next to an oversized slice of chocolate fudge cake with two forks.

“On the house guys, you two look like you need it today!” Maria scoffed as she placed Clary’s steaming cappuccino down in front of her.  
“You know us too well” Clary smiled as she picked up a fork and licked off the wedge of icing that clung to it.

“So, how are you?” Clary asked politely, whilst deliberately loading the question with just the right amount of suspicion.  
“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” Alec replied, somewhat defensively through his smile, all too easily picking up on his friend’s scepticism.

“Jace called, he was worried about you, and quite frankly so was I when you bailed on me last week!” She replied frankly. 

In fact, Clary had been more than a little worried when she had received the short text cancelling their lunch date of the previous week. Her first instinct had been to call Jace and she had listened eagerly to his version of events since her birthday party at the club. Alec had been anxious and embarrassed when Clary had quizzed him over his choice of date that night and assumed it was all due to Izzy’s subsequent revelations. But Clary had chosen not to press Alec over the following weeks for any more information on Magnus and believed there was nothing more to tell since Alec himself had dismissed the likelihood of anything further existing between them, and well, this was Alec after all, Mr Commitment-phobe! .

So, when Jace’s recount of his conversations with both parties had reached her she had been both startled and alarmed. Of course Clary knew that Jace enjoyed a good drama, and could be guilty of a little embellishment from time to time. But she also knew he was not capable overstating or exaggerating where Alec’s feelings were concerned.

“Yeah, I am sorry about that, it’s flu season at the hospital and everyone seems to be off with it at the moment, I’ll make it up to you Clary” Alec replied in the most sincere tone he could muster.

“So are you trying to tell me that’s the only reason why you’ve been working like a mad man recently?” Clary mocked, disregarding Alec’s excuses and going straight for the jugular.  
“Jace needs to learn to mind his own business!” Alec sighed, instantly knowing who was behind Clary’s in-depth knowledge of his recent working habits.  
“You are his business, and mine! Family remember!” She snapped back. 

Clary’s stern reminder sent Alec’s pride into an instantaneous retreat. She was right, of course. Jace, Clary and Simon were part of his family, they knew him and connected with him in a way that no one else ever had. Their bond had been solidified with a verbal pact, almost a decade old now, that nothing would ever come between them and that they would always be there for each other, to the detriment of all else. Alec looked into his coffee, but his shame soon vanished.

“I am so sorry he left Alec” Clary continued, sympathetically. She watched carefully for her friend’s reaction and was slightly taken aback when she noticed Alec’s jaw tighten as he swallowed hard.

“I saw Jace last night as it happens and everything’s fine. And as a matter of fact I have a date next Thursday!” Alec suddenly said, composing himself and hastily changing the subject.

“But I thought...”  
“You thought what? That I wouldn’t come to my senses eventually? It was only a bit of fun. Don’t look at me like that, I only knew the guy for a few weeks! Alec pleaded.

“It takes more than a bit of fun to get under your skin Alec, and it’s not a crime to admit that you got stung!” Clary retorted, bolstered by her friend’s lack of genuine conviction on the subject.

“It’s over Clary, he’s gone, that’s all there is to it!” Alec said unconvincingly, looking straight though his friend, his eyes betraying his hurt. Clary, obviously taken aback by this sudden direction of conversation, decided to go with the change of subject and humour her friend a little. 

“So, you have a date, with who, prey tell?”  
“Um, just someone from work” Alec replied solemnly, somewhat regretting his ‘can of worms opening’ outburst.  
“Don’t sound too excited will you!” Clary chuckled.  
“We’re not all looking for our own little ‘Simon’ you know. Jace and I are still lifetime members of the ‘love them and leave them’ club.”  
“Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying your little club” Clary muttered patronisingly.

Alec had witnessed first-hand the development of the love affair between Clary and her soulmate Simon. They had met during their first year at university and been annoyingly inseparable and depressingly infatuated with each other ever since. But Alec knew that Clary’s happiness with Simon had been tinged with guilt. The happier and more secure she felt, the more painfully apparent Alec’s loneliness and emptiness became. 

Her unreasonable remorse at flaunting her own contentment in front of her emotionally disabled best friend had put considerable strain on Clary, especially during the run up to her wedding day. There was of course no question that Alec would serve as her best man, but Clary would never cease to feel acutely aware of Alec’s continued solitude, despite innumerable sincere promises that he was fine and was over the moon for her friend. But the sharp guilt had mellowed over the years into the dull throb of acceptance that her friend may never find her ‘Simon’. 

Clary, together with Simon and Jace of course would always be there for Alec, and Jace was actually a remarkable substitute ‘boyfriend’ at times, but Clary had begun to face the possibility that they may be the sum total of Alec’s deep emotional connections. Magnus’s light had shone brighter than most had managed to in Alec’s world, but it had all to quickly expired and the solitude and cynicism was once more lurking in the back of his eyes. 

Clary smiled at her friend, a gentle and sincere look that seemed to take Alec by surprise slightly. She picked up her fork and dug into the deep chocolate cake on the plate in front of her, scooping up a large and decadent mouthful. She held it out in front of him and gestured towards Alec with a large smile, like a mother gently cajoling a child to finish its meal. Alec raised an eyebrow but happily received the delicious gift, his eyes closing with simple pleasure as his mouth closed around it. Alec reopened his eyes and was greeted once again by Clary’s motherly face. Suddenly they burst out laughing as they dismissed the poignant moment in favour of the easier silliness and embarrassment. But secretly Clary held onto the sound of her friends easy laughter and stored it away for the inevitable rainy days ahead.

***

The following day and once again Alec had opted to cover yet more hours of annual leave for those in the doctor’s faculty that actually had lives. Overtime had become such a constant in his schedule that today he had found himself in the Chief Resident’s office having to reassure her of his financial stability before she would authorise any more! Grateful as they were of Alec’s reliability and commitment to the hospital, Alec’s colleagues couldn’t help but be suspicious of his unwillingness to be elsewhere recently. However, Alec was adept at playing calm and saying all of the right and encouraging things to defuse anxious situations. He turned his bedside manner up to its maximum and innocently informed his boss of his passion for his job and respect for those members of staff with families to consider over the summer months. The much older doctor stood no chance with such a charming onslaught and smiled reverently back at Alec murmuring something about young people and respect.

Alec walked out into the hallway of the ER department still smiling to himself and leaned over the nurse’s station to the in-trays beyond. He rifled through the files of x-rays briefly to carefully select his next case and turned to head back into the main treatment area without an upward glance.

“Alec?” came a meek but clear voice from behind him, stopping him in his physical and mental tracks.

He looked up and turned on instinct towards the unusual call of his Christian name. In the small but crowded waiting area, Alec made out the slight frame of a girl standing to face him directly. The girl smiled politely, but apologetically and took a step towards Alec. The initial surprise prevented Alec from noticing the girl’s arm cradling her torso protectively but a small nudge from a hapless passer-by brought on a sharp wince and intake of breath. 

“Cat...?” Alec exclaimed, his voice sharp with both recognition and concern, “...what are you...what happened to you?!”

Alec paused briefly to allow his mind to register who he was seeing and for Cat to form a reply. But Cat, obviously embarrassed, simply stood quietly, hunched over slightly and bit her lip anxiously. Tears had begun to well in her big brown eyes as she looked to the floor in a weak attempt to dispel them.

Out of his peripheral vision Alec noticed a young student nurse who was sauntering through hallway with an empty wheelchair. He frantically called to her and pointed sternly in Cat’s direction. The nurse was taken aback slightly but followed Alec dutifully as they both strode across the room towards their intended patient. Alec was in full blown doctor-mode as he immediately began his visible and audible assessment of Cat’s obvious pain. Any shock he had previously experienced at seeing this familiar yet surprising face had dissipated and been replaced with a far more dominant sense of duty and concern.

Upon reaching her, Alec smiled and placed a reassuring hand on the small girl’s arm and gestured towards the wheelchair.   
“Come with me” he whispered gently and nodded to the nurse to follow. With some trepidation Cat took a seat but not without letting out a further small gasp as the movement shot another bolt of pain through her. As soon as she was comfortable again Alec strode on ahead through the busy corridors and into a small comfortable treatment room further away from the chaos and noise of the ER. Alec stood at the door and thanked the nurse before closing it behind him. 

“Cat, what happened?” he said as he crossed the room and sat on a chair in front of Cat.  
“I feel like such an idiot, I really am sorry to bother you!” Cat replied, hardly meeting Alec’s eyes, “it was my friend’s birthday and we decided it would be fun to take a pole dancing class. I got a bit carried away and I think I may have broken a rib” Cat’s voice cracked as she tentatively explained her predicament and cleared her throat to ease the lump forming within it.

Alec smiled and gestured towards the gurney behind them. He helped Cat manoeuvre herself onto it as painlessly as possible and then slowly lifted up her t-shirt to examine the bruised area underneath. Cat’s breathing was laboured in anticipation of more discomfort but Alec’s experienced hands glided over the purple and brown area gently feeling for the extent of the damage underneath. 

“We’ll need an x-ray to be sure, but I’m fairly sure you’ve managed to crack one or possibly even two of your ribs!” Alec chided in a friendly voice, “I can give you some pain and anti-inflammatory meds but you’re going to have to take it easy for a couple of weeks. Must have been a fairly impressive move!“

Cat blushed and let out a small chuckle before gritting her teeth in pain once more, “Thank you Alec” she said softly.  
“Did you know I worked here? Alec asked after a brief pause.  
“Actually, no. I knew you were a doctor, that’s why you worked odd hours, but I was just as surprised as you just now!”

Alec smiled. Over the briefness of their acquaintance Cat had been nothing but warm towards Alec and his relationship with her brother, and despite everything, it was oddly pleasant to see her. Alec had been trying so hard since Magnus’ departure to compartmentalise his feelings and memories of their time together that the whole fling now seemed somewhat unreal or fantasised somehow. Cat turning up had given substance to that time once more, and far from igniting old wounds, Alec found himself thinking fondly of his lost lover and aching slightly to hear his voice again. 

Despite the accidental nature of her arrival, Alec was grateful for Cat’s presence and did everything he could to make the remainder of her visit as comfortable as possible. The few short hours passed relatively quickly and Alec even found time for a short coffee break so he could keep Cat company and chat casually to her about her life. Once Cat had been patched-up and discharged the two gently hugged affectionately and promised to meet up again soon, albeit under less dramatic circumstances. As he watched Cat get into a waiting cab Alec mused fondly about their time together. Although young, Cat had taken the wise decision not to mention her brother at all during any of their conversations. Alec had not brought up the subject either and it seemed to be an unspoken rule to let sleeping dogs lie in this case. Nevertheless, the Magnus compartment in his head had without doubt been breached and a trickle of regret was now seeping into Alec’s consciousness once more.

***

The following few days, proved to be particularly gruelling for the entire staff of the ER. The weekend brought in its usual binge of alcohol and drug fuelled injuries and the most recent flu epidemic had doubled the already crisis level amount of walk-ins. Staff members themselves seemed to be succumbing themselves and were dropping like flies, and agency staff hindered rather than helped with the overflowing wards and hallways. Alec’s initial and mounting fears over the possibility of uncomfortable moments between him and Sebastian whilst at work became almost preferable to the exhausting and unrelenting shifts that became harder as the week wore on.

Thursday afternoon finally dawned and Alec walked into the doctor’s lounge for a well-earned caffeine injection before he contemplated the journey home. He slumped into one of the cheap leather sofas and stared wearily into the cup of lukewarm murky brown liquid in his hands. The lounge was quiet, as was typical for this time of the day, the shift change hour when most staff were handing over patients, making ready for home in the locker room or for the long graveyard shift ahead. He closed his eyes as he enjoyed the silence, ignoring the bitter aftertaste the coffee left lingering in his mouth, his ears still ringing slightly from the last ambulance to scream its way into the emergency bay he’d been called to.

But the prolonged silence, instead of resting in tired numbness, just provoked his overly-active mind into exploring other avenues of thought. Peace was shattered as he remembered that tonight was the night – the big date with Sebastian he’d so spontaneously agreed to, albeit under the gentle pressure of mild intoxication, but what now caused his stomach to lurch in nervous anticipation. He gritted his teeth to stem the flow of regret and self-deprecation and grabbed for one of the vapid but distracting tabloid magazines that littered the coffee table in front of him.

Flicking through the trashy periodical Alec grimaced at the voyeuristic profiteering that he knew so many bought into. He felt slightly perverse as he viewed grainy shots of celebrities who had dared to surface without their makeup, or holiday with their kids (and their cellulite) for the whole world to see. He found himself yearning for the good old days when paparazzi was an Italian dish and the best photo of someone famous would not be the one questioning whether or not they were wearing underwear!

But the distraction was working. For all his high and mighty procrastinating about how disgusting this type of media was, he had, for the moment at least, displaced all thoughts of the night ahead. Alec also had to admit that he was only recognising one out of every five of the ‘famous’ people featured as most were soap or reality stars, neither genre Alec had either the time or the inclination to indulge upon. He passed page after page of bewildered faces until there it was…

Secret rendezvous: Is this Magnus’s new girl?

Alec stared at the headline and accompanying picture. All his previous dismissals and condemnations of the magazines other content flew out of the window as the pain in his chest shot through. He gasped as the shock rippled through him and he dropped the magazine onto the table.

Alec stared down at the discarded magazine, still open at the same page as though some malevolent force was rejoicing in his torment by prolonging his exposure. Magnus’s face stared back at him with a mocking smile. The ‘golden boy’ portrait took up the majority of the page, except for a couple of grainy paparazzi shots in the bottom right next to the main body of the article. Captured like an addict faced with the very purest of his chosen drug Alec could not tear his eyes away, and his mind and body both cried out in unison for more as he began to read. 

‘Allies’ hunk Magnus Bane has been spotted cozying up to his latest co-star Camille Belcourt both on and off the set of their latest movie ‘Connection’. Gossip about a possible real-life romance between the two has been rife since filming began and many believe these new pictures seem to speak for themselves. According to an insider Bane and Belcourt, now trending as ‘Banecourt’, shared some very steamy moments on camera before taking off for a dinner for two at romantic LA eatery ‘La Maison’. The couple were snapped as they left the restaurant and jumped into a waiting car together with Bane looking a little worse for wear. Sources from the set have revealed that the couple share amazing chemistry on screen although publicists from both camps have so far refused to confirm or deny any off-screen rumours. Although linked to many famous men as well as women over the past few months, Bane has always maintained his ’single’ status to the press. Could it be that Camille is the girl he’s been waiting for?

Alec swallowed hard and squinted as the pain from the lump in his throat jolted him away from the last few words. His eyes moved slowly to the three smaller long-lenses pictures featured to corroborate the story. All of his earlier logic and rational disregard for the trashy and unreliable content of the magazine evaporated as he saw only proof and legitimacy in the images. The first showed Magnus and a tiny brunette entering the swanky restaurant surrounded by photographers. The second obviously depicted the rear of the building and Magnus, one hand raised as a futile shield against the onslaught of flash-bulbs , the other holding on tightly to his pretty companion. However, it was the last in the series that stung the hardest; taken through the car window the photo just about captured the couple holding each other and her smiling at him, almost nose to nose.

Alec jumped suddenly as his phone made a high-pitched noise and simultaneously vibrated against his leg. He pulled it out of his pocket and pressed the screen to life. An intentionally innocent text from Jace wishing him good luck for his upcoming date that night was enough to open the floodgates and the tears began to well in Alec’s tired eyes. He threw his phone face down onto the table, on top of the magazine. Raising his hands and resting his elbows on his knees for support he covered his face entirely. Alec closed his eyes and forced the outside world as far away from him as possible, not even noticing the noise of the door opening or the footsteps coming towards him. 

“Alec! What on earth’s wrong?!” a concerned voice broke through his meditative state. His head snapped up and Sebastian came into sharp focus standing a few feet away. He couldn’t fail to notice the tears welling in Alec’s eyes and the paleness of his complexion.

“Good grief, you look dreadful!” Sebastian whispered, with a level of compassion Alec had not previously associated with him. He knelt down in front of him with genuine concern in his eyes and placed his hands gently on Alec’s knees. 

Alec stared at him with confused and pained eyes, unable to process any of the new information his brain had been presented with in during the last few minutes. Sebastian raised a tender hand to Alec’s forehead and then to his cheek, never once leaving he gaze, his brow furrowed with worry.

“You feel a little warm, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if you’re coming down with the flu, all the shifts you’ve been working lately!” He chided softly.  
“I think you should go home and rest, don’t worry about tonight, we can reschedule when you’re feeling better”

Alec looked deeply into Sebastian’s anxious but kind eyes and his heart sank even further as guilt and regret only served to concentrate the waves of self-loathing and anguish.

“I...I forgot, I’m so sorry Sebastian” he mumbled, looking away from him and around the room as if trying to regain his bearings.   
“Will your brother be around if you need anything? Otherwise I would be happy to help, I make quite a decent chicken soup, fresh from the can and everything!” Sebastian scoffed, trying to lighten the obviously dark place Alec was in right now. Alec couldn’t help but manage a small heartfelt smile.  
“He’ll be around I’m sure, but thank you Sebastian” he replied genuinely and slowly rose to leave, “and I am sorry about tonight”.

Alec rubbed his face and pulled himself to his feet. He walked away from Sebastian, as quickly as his trembling legs could carry him, and through the lounge door without looking back.   
‘You’re a piece of work Lightwood!’ he scolded to himself, ‘after everything you still haven’t learnt your lesson have you? And more people just keep getting hurt!


	18. Chapter 18 - Magnus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to get back to Magnus and see what he's up to! 
> 
> Once again thank you so much for your kudos, comments and enthusiasm about this story, it really is lovely to get the feedback on this labour of love. From a readers perspective I know it is a frustratingly slow burn, but hopefully it will be worth the wait! Furthermore, these characters, as in real life, are also flawed and sometimes act in an emotionally-driven and not always reasonable way. But I think most would agree that nothing is ever black and white in this world, and we are all the sum of our own back stories. That's why empathy and consideration are so important for us to grow and deal with life's often strange sense of humor. Enjoy the journey lovely readers! xxx

Chapter 18 - Magnus

 

“Magnus, they’re ready for us sweetie” she bellowed, popping her head through his trailer door and beaming her orthodontically perfect smile. Magnus half-smiled back and nodded in acceptance, slightly annoyed by the rude awakening from his day-dream state. He didn’t like the way his co-star Camille said his name. Her high pitched and overly loud voice seemed to distort it somehow, or maybe it was simply the wrong person was saying it? He pushed his dog-eared script off his knee and sighed as she disappeared once more, leaving him alone with just his ineptitude for comfort. He pushed back the blinds and squinted at the sharp intake of sunlight into the gloomy trailer and tried to focus on the world outside. People with lights and clipboards and headphones busied themselves everywhere he looked and Magnus was quite taken aback at the apparent sound-proofing qualities of his seemingly flimsy tin can of a dressing room!

He caught sight of her and watched her stride away towards the larger soundstage oozing confidence and sexiness with every step. Random crew members watched her peacock-like display out of the corners of their eyes as she passed, waving to a favoured few and enjoying every moment of the attention she garnered.

‘Don’t be such a ass’ he yelled to himself, ‘This gorgeous girl wants you and all you can think about is how she can’t pronounce your name properly!’

Magnus sighed to himself once more as he stood to leave. It had been weeks since he had left New York but he still felt just as crappy about the manner of his leaving. Lucky for him this most recent part called for him to be broody and pensive most of the time so the crew simply assumed all the moping around in his trailer was just him staying in character. Camille was the exception. She’d taken a liking to him from moment he’d arrived on set. She was a tiny brunette, very typical of the young starlets making the rounds in Hollywood at the moment, undoubtedly attractive but with unpleasant undertones of vanity, shallowness and brazen ambition. 

Magnus would never have used the word cynical to describe himself prior to this sudden onslaught of fame, but these days it paid to be suspicious. It was a non-egotistical fact that Camille’s star had not risen to the dizzy heights of his orbit quite yet and a personal attachment to him would do wonders for her tabloid profile. But, despite the obvious perks he wasn’t about to let himself be used and abused by some self-involved starlet who was simply out to satisfy her own selfish needs!

This movie was a definite departure from his last, the one which had catapulted him to almost instantaneous global fame. Allies was a gritty period piece and an unquestionable epic in terms of cast, location and special effects. Magnus’s new project, Connection, was an intimate portrait of several intertwining relationships and how a single fateful event could ripple over the lives of so many. His character was outwardly proud and confident, but inside hid the scars of loss, betrayal and insecurity, something he related to his part in more ways than he cared to admit. 

The script was the work of psychological genius as far as Magnus was concerned and he had felt an affinity with it from his first scan through. The young Brazilian director was freshly unpredictable, vibrant and highly acclaimed despite being not much older than Magnus himself and had a career that Magnus had followed with enthusiasm and respect. The whole project was the perfect follow-up, the shot at a credible acting reputation that Magnus had been waiting for even since before the phenomenon of Allies. However his opportunity had come at a cost and the price had been steeper than he could have possibly anticipated, the ramifications of which still reverberated in the pit of his stomach.

Nevertheless the decision had been made and the integrity of following through with it now was all he had left. On the up side rehearsals had gone smoothly and principle photography was now well underway with very little down time for insignificant or irrelevant wallowing. On the down side, the director in his wisdom, had chosen to shoot all of the most intimate scenes early on in production so as to forge a strong chemistry between his two leads. This, coupled with Magnus’s determination to prove himself as a genuine leading man, had done nothing to dampen Camille’s enthusiasm for him. 

So now he found himself sitting alone in his trailer, in a dressing gown in the middle of the day, about to get semi-naked for the umpteenth time with a woman he cared little about and in front of a whole crowd of burly men! Magnus stood and tried to wrap his head around his predicament when his phone beeped loudly at him. He glanced at the screen and saw the latest of today’s calendar reminders; dinner tonight with Camille! 

‘Shit, forgot about that’ he chided himself and sank back down on the sofa. Either through familial neglect or ambitious cunning, Camille had skilfully manoeuvred himself into forcing Magnus to ask her out. She had claimed a few days prior that her birthday was imminent but that strangely none of her friends or relations were free to celebrate with her. If her melancholy acting in that moment was any indication of her talent then the film they were now working on was bound to be a critical hit at least! Magnus had bought her plight hook line and sinker and tonight he had agreed to take her to a birthday dinner for two at some fancy LA restaurant frequented, he was convinced, by those with more fame than taste.

He had unsuccessfully attempted to rally some of the cast and crew together to ‘celebrate’ with them but everyone else seemed unusually preoccupied as well! Magnus pushed aside his characteristic bout of paranoia and resolved. He would behave gentlemanly, as his parents raised him to, have a few relaxing drinks and enjoy the company of a pretty girl (then go home and self-deprecate a little more!). He rose to his feet once more and tried to run through the impending scenes lines in his head. Reminded once more of the physicality of the scene he reached in the pocket of his robe for his breath mints and popped one in his mouth as he strode towards the door and out into the bright LA sunshine.

*****

“So, that was fun huh?” Camille said flashing her all American smile and flicking her long chocolate brown hair vainly behind her shoulders. Magnus shifted uneasily in his seat as she leaned forward suggestively on the small table that separated them. Fighting his way through hordes of paparazzi on a Saturday night to get to a celeb-infested restaurant to feast on carb-free nibbles at $100 a pop was definitely not his idea of fun. What he wouldn’t give for a bottle of beer, a real new york pizza, and and a movie right now....

“Not really” he grinned back politely, taking a large gulp of the glass of champagne that had appeared in front of him. He glanced around him for stray photographers but the relative privacy of his immediate surroundings secured him and he allowed himself to relax slightly. The early morning rehearsals and make-up calls and lengthy day's shooting had produced in Magnus a feeling of numbness and apathy most evenings. This feeling translated well into his portrayal of the brooding character required of him in the film and he was grateful of the solitary time his preparation required. 

But always at the back of his mind was a dull ache, brought into sharp stinging focus whenever he thought of home. Feelings of anger, betrayal and bitterness mixed in with regret and a lingering craving to be close to him, to feel him, breathe him. Magnus had relatively little experience with drugs, despite plenty of opportunity, and so he could only imagine what withdrawal would feel like. The craving, the constant frustration, anger, defeat, pain...

As the silent seconds passed between them Camille continued her provocative and intimidating stares whilst Magnus scanned his suddenly absent brain for something casual to say. Failing that he reached once more for his drink but before he could raise it once more the waiter had appeared in front of him and topped up his half-empty glass. The bubbles fizzed unexpectedly up his nose and made him shudder slightly. A small drop of the amber liquid trickled down his chin as a result of the involuntary movement and dropped onto his shirt. Magnus’s cheeks reddened and he smiled a wide smile as he brushed his hand over his chin and chest. 

Camille chuckle and then leaned forward and brushed her thumb seductively along his chin. Wiping away the insignificant leftover trace of champagne she then proceeded to lick the morsel from himself and wink wickedly at the more than slightly bemused Magnus. He was well accustomed to women coming onto him, one of the aspects of his recently acquired sex-symbol status that ironically made him the most uncomfortable, but this encounter only managed to break some of the ice between them and he laughed out loud. The sincerity of their mutual amusement caused Camille to slump back in her seat and Magnus couldn’t help but notice a layer of pretence that seemed to fall away from her in that moment. 

They chatted more freely than before. She talked of her family and where she grew-up and he listened, intrigued by her simple nature and humble beginnings. He was seeing her differently now, almost like she has removed her stage make-up and he could see her natural beauty for the first time, the cliché small town girl with big dreams. Fate had blessed her with more beauty and ambition than intelligence but that seemed to be the recipe for success in this town. The more she talked (and the more champagne he drank) the greater Magnus's affections for Camille grew and he found himself feeling unusually protective of this little girl, wondering how many people had, or would, take advantage of her during her Hollywood career.

He was leaning into her conversation by now, riveted by the narratives she told, smiling and laughing in unison with her. The connection was there and she knew it, she had felt it during their first screen tests together and her persistence had paid off tonight! The restaurant's crowd thinned out as the hours drew on and the champagne flowed. 

“I think it’s time we called it a night” Magnus whispered as he glanced over at the tired and irritated waiter who had ceased to fill his glass at every available opportunity.

“Oh” Camille moaned childishly, “but I’m not tired yet, and Tom doesn’t need us tomorrow”. Magnus raised his arm to call for the bill and then reached for his wallet. He felt a slight breeze as the bill appeared in front of him, brought with the same degree of efficiency as the champagne had been earlier. 

“You know, we could carry on this party back at my hotel...” Camille suggested in her most alluring voice. Magnus looked back up at her to confirm his own suspicions and she smiled at him whilst running her fingers through her hair. In that moment she seemed more alluring than ever. He smiled back and considered his options; by any standards she was very pretty and definitely had some redeeming characteristics, more of which had become apparent with each glass of champagne he had consumed. Camille smiled back triumphantly and grabbed her clutch.

“Please feel free to use the back door, it’s much more discreet sir, there’s a car waiting for you” whispered the waiter as Magnus himself stood to leave. Magnus stared at him for a microsecond, unaware of his meaning before the nausea hit the pit of his stomach as he remembered he army of photogs who had followed them here. He nodded in appreciation and then signed the waiting credit card slip, allowing for a considerable tip to thank the waiter for his unwavering professionalism that evening. 

Standing had brought on a mild head-rush and the first awareness that he had not visited the bathroom once during the whole course of the night! He excused himself to Camille, who was busy pressing keys on her phone, and turned back to the waiter who was already gesturing in the general direction of the men’s room. ‘Damn, he’s good!’ Magnus whispered to himself with a cocky smile as he lumbered away.

Washing his hands Magnus found himself staring at his face in the mirror. The evening had been surprisingly pleasant and the offer of a happy ending to it was also surprisingly tempting in his champagne haze. What choice did he have when she had literally begged him to take her out for her birthday? He could have guessed from the outset that the whole thing was premeditated but she had worked it like a pro and he had played along like a good little boy. Was it even her birthday?? But right at this moment he felt like couldn’t care less about relationships or tabloids, he just felt drunk, and horny, and alive. “To hell with it!” he commanded himself when a different face appeared in his head, “Screw you, that’s what he said right?”

He pushed away from the sink and strode out of the bathroom door. She was waiting for him, her hand held out in front of her waiting to take his and lead him away. The smile on her face was one of simultaneous triumph and anticipation and he willingly obeyed.

The dizziness came flooding back as the cold night air hit Magnuss face. He steadied himself on the door handle and breathed a heavy sigh to dispel any further light-headedness. He looked around for the car but the path was blocked. Suddenly they were surrounded by flashes and shouting. ‘Where did they come from?!’ was all he could think to himself as he barged through, half pulled half dragged by Camille. He glanced at her briefly and was momentarily puzzled by the slight grin on her face. She pushed him in through the open car door and onto the back seat. Tugging slightly on the micro dress she was almost not wearing she slid into the car and practically onto his lap. Magnus closed his eyes to shut out the constant flashing and rested his woozy head on the back of the seat. He felt the engine start but even more acutely he felt Camille’s hand squeeze the top of his thigh and the closeness of her face to his as the car pulled away.


	19. Chapter 19 - Alec

Chapter 19 - Alec

Alec sat alone in the dark staring at the huge screen flickering in front of him. It wasn’t the first time he’d urged himself to leave, considering, at worst an unhealthy infatuation and, at best a waste of his precious time off. But something inside kept him stubbornly rigid in the uncomfortable faux-velvet seat. The movie theatre was quiet since the film was in its latter stages of theatrical release but Alec still scanned the crowd from his peripheral vision for anyone that he might recognise from the hospital. It had only been a few hours since his run in with Sebastian in the doctor’s lounge and he had used his assumption of Alec’s ill health to bail on their date. He felt a familiar pang of guilt considering the genuine concern Sebastian had shown him, however going through with the sham would have only made the situation worse for all.

But perhaps he was ill after all? Sick to his stomach from not seeing the face he secretly craved, or even worse, seeing him with someone else! Alec had bolted from the hospital with a single thought in his mind; he needed to see Magnus, needed to speak to him, to beg for his forgiveness, to... But short of jumping the next flight to LA he had calmed as he’d reached home and settled on a plan for the next best thing.

Alec’s head turned once more as a young couple strode into the cinema, giggling to each other as they cosily shared their bucket of popcorn. Alec squinted as he scanned their faces through the darkness but saw no recognisable features in them. Irrespective of the fallout of missing his date with Sebastian to go to the movies, the enthusiasm of the nurses and juniors at work would be unrelenting if they thought that Alec actually shared their interests in the latest pop-culture craze and he’d be forced into participating in the very conversations he spent most days trying to avoid!

Avoidance was not too difficult at the best of times, as Alec had never courted popular opinion or any kind of social life with those he worked with. His professional courtesy and diligence, and admiration for the demanding jobs that every member of the hospital staff fulfilled meant that he was a well-respected member of the physician’s faculty. However, his introverted nature had distanced him from any of the various groups of friends that inevitably formed within each ward or department. Occasionally, on a good day, a friendly nurse would try to connect by inviting him on a group night out for some occasion or other. Alec always appreciated the sentiment, but would politely make his excuses and withdraw to his quiet and purely professional existence within the hospital. 

In the beginning medicine had been Alec’s salvation. It had given him peace, stability and redemption, not to mention confidence and something resembling dignity once more. But as the years passed, those close to him had begun to quietly question his intense dedication to his career, which was ultimately to the detriment of almost everything else. Izzy had lead the charge on the family front, often pleading with Alec to involve himself more with them and less with the total strangers that were his patients. Jace and Clary, although worried too, had been more understanding and had employed a far more subtle approach to connect Alec with things outside of his comfort zone.

This indirect but prolonged tactic had lead a slightly aggrieved but resigned Alec to uncharacteristically walk into a friendly looking bar for a quick coffee on his way home from work one day,. The staff were cordial and the atmosphere inviting, and rather to his surprise, Alec slowly began to enjoy his trips to the bar which increased in their frequency. But it was this seemingly innocent enough decision that had lead him to where he was today, sitting alone in the dark, drunk on a heady cocktail of guilt and longing, and desperate to find that inner peace and stability once more.

It had been well over three weeks now since his argument with Magnus back at home but, although he had tried to push the pain out of his mind, the feelings of regret had not decreased in thier capacity. The practical side of him was still trying to convince itself that he had done the right thing by ending their fling. Things had been getting steadily more intense between them and this had scared him more than he was willing to admit. But another part of him, refusing to be silenced, was constantly yearning for something more. Was this just a guilty conscience at how he’d ended things so appallingly, or something else, stronger and more complex than simple remorse. His emotional armour, once so powerful to keep him from breaking, had slowly taken over and now actually prevented him from being able to identify his own anything beyond the simplest of feelings.

Alec bent down to grab his bag as another wave of self-contempt washed through him. ‘Get a grip!’ he snapped to himself, just as the trailers were ending and the music faded into the opening scene. The sudden silence in the room caused Alec to look up instinctively but his heart stopped as soon as he glanced at the huge screen. There he was, Magnus, standing 15 feet tall in front of him. All of his meaningless and paranoid thoughts vanished in that moment. Magnus’s hair was a slightly different colour and was cut in an old-fashioned style, and his army uniform made him look older than the casual attire he was used to. But his eyes were just a piercing as they had always been to Alec and he sat as still as the dead watching him, barely even blinking. 

The film was long but not nearly as bad as he’d feared. The historical elements had been sensationalised and the bombastic soundtrack was a little cliché but the cast were authentic and the cinematography was breathtaking. But as the screen finally faded to black Alec found himself breathing shallowly and shaking uncontrollably. The hero had been killed in a slow motion and high definition action sequence whilst trying to protect his comrades in arms. And Magnus’s death scene hit him like an acid-coated wrecking ball. The image of his bloodied face and lifeless form scorched into Alec’s brain leaving behind an indelible wake of desolation and déjà vu in its wake.

The movement of others around him clearing their throats and standing to leave stunned Alec from his temporary paralysis. Breathing rapidly, he grabbed for his bag and began to rummage around in it for his phone. He scrolled down the contact list until there it was. His thumb hovered over the green button for a moment before he pressed. There were no sounds of ringing on the other end, just a beep and the start of Magnus’s cheery outgoing message. Suddenly, reason began to course back through Alec’s body and he cancelled the call without leaving a message. Magnus’s melodic and carefree voice had somehow acted as a soothing anaesthetic against Alec’s crippling panic attack and he began to breathe more deeply. For some insane reason, Alec just needed to know Magnus was OK, that he was still...

But the terrible image of Magnus’s beautiful but deathly pale face and cold lifeless eyes remained in the forefront of Alec’s mind. Tortuously it then began to morph into another, similar set of features, something just as macabre, a ghost from the past, haunting his present with intense clarity. The lump in his throat burned once more and Alec’s vision blurred with fresh tears. But the pain inside suddenly manifested itself on his skin and Alec jumped in shock as he suddenly tore off the necklace from around his neck, not knowing when his hand had moved to grasp it. 

He slowly opened his hand and saw the pendant in the middle of his palm, the imprint of its delicate pattern still visible on his skin from the tight and prolonged grip. He re-opened his phone and held down button ‘one’ without really concentrating at the keypad. He held the phone to his ear and waited for the familiar beep. There was no message this time, just a pause before he simply said “please call me” in a weak and broken voice and hung up.


	20. Chapter 20 - Clary

Chapter 20 - Clary

Clary’s private number was permanently diverted to voicemail. Despite the numerous security measures in place undesirable people still managed to get hold of her details and call screening was purely a security measure, as anyone who knew her well enough knew. Her father was a high profile and controversial businessman and billionaire, who was never short of an enemy or two, and she was sole heir to his fortune, as well as his only weakness. Unfortunately this also meant being sole target of kidnap and extortion plans, alongside the more runof-the-mill media exposure. This level of notoriety and the accompanying risk made Clary’s close circle of friends fiercely protective of her, but none more so than Alec.

Despite the length of their acquaintance, Clary and Alec had never so much as fallen out once. They knew each other inside and out and had not spent more than a fe days without speaking or texting, despite the heavy demands of lives and careers. They had graduated together and even shared a apartment for a while until Clary had moved in with Simon. Alec had served as Clary’s best man at their wedding and they still met for lunch on the same day each week, the only weeks Clary could recollect being missed in years being her honeymoon or, more recently, the consequences of Magnus’s abrupt departure.

“Alec, what’s going on?!” Clary asked anxiously as she opened the front door. It had only been twenty minutes since she had returned Alec’s phone call and had practically ordered him to come over. Alec’s voice had been calmer this time and politely apologetic but his pain was still just as transparent. Alec stood in the doorway for a moment, his jaw hard and his eyes bloodshot. 

“I’m so sorry Clary, I...I didn’t know what to do, I had a... I’m not sure what, but it’s passed now”  
Clary stared at her friend in bewildered shock. It had been almost a decade but she’d seen this desperate look in Alec’s eyes before.  
“For God’s sake, come in!” Clary yelled as she half-dragged her friend through the door, slamming it closed behind him.

Alec automatically made his way through to Clary’s kitchen and slumped down on one of the chairs flanking a huge oak table. Barely able to take her eyes off Alec’s fear-ridden face, Clary practically ran to the enormous refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of white wine from the internal chiller. She pulled two glasses from a cupboard on the way back and came to sit next on the chair next to Alec. She poured as she waited for Alec to speak but a few moments passed and Clary’s impatience finally won out. 

“Please Alec, did something happen at the hospital?” She asked uneasily. Clary still couldn’t escape the faraway look in Alec’s eyes and had already dismissed this possibility in favour of something far more serious, but she had to get Alec talking somehow.

Alec began to peel off his coat and Clary gasped as she caught sight of the gash and dried blood on his neck. Alec glanced at his collar and saw the red as the tears swelled in his eyes once more. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the tiny pendant with its broken chain. 

“I was stupid, I shouldn’t have gone at all, but I was so tired and I just wanted to see him, I didn’t think...” Alec’s voice was quiet with shame and confusion, and it broke on the last word. Clary shook her head in alarm, not at all understanding her friend’s confessions, or how he and his precious chain had come to such harm.

“Alec, where did you go? To see who?”  
“Magnus, I went to see his movie” Alec whispered as he looked down towards the floor. The realisation hit Clary immediately. She’d too seen the movie Alec was referring to and it didn’t take a genius to predict the impact it would have manifested.

“Oh Alec, why didn’t you ask me to come along, or even better tell me you were going, I could have warned you!” Clary said affectionately.  
“Warned me?” Alec replied desperately as his head snapped up, “warned me that if I better not go the movies since my fake ex-boyfriend gets killed and that would cause me to completely freak out like the crazy person I am!”

“It’s not unreasonable, considering everything, that’s all I’m saying”. Alec stared at his friend and shook his head reproachfully.  
“No, what’s unreasonable was getting involved with him in the first place. I’m such a fool, I should have walked away when I first found out who he was, once again it's all my stupid fault.” 

“Yes you are a bloody fool!” Clary suddenly snapped,  
“You can’t live your whole life in fear. What happened to you, was...unimaginable, horrible, but it was ten years ago, you need to move on!” she continued, the volume and tone of her voice edging higher as she spoke.

“This has nothing to do with...it doesn’t change anything! I just don’t know how you can stand it, the publicity, the scrutiny, the criticism, the fear? It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it. You of all people know first hand how dangerous any sort of fame can be!” Alec snapped back, trying desperately to change to focus of the argument.

“This isn’t about me Alec, it’s about you and your complete inability to move beyond the past.” Clarys reply was calmer now, but still just as determined, she wasn’t about to let Alec off the hook that easily.   
“I know you and I know how you feel about him, every relationship has its compromises and it doesn’t have to be like before, you’re not the same person you were back then.”

“I don’t know how I feel about him, all I know is that I’m scared to death of what being with him would mean. It makes me crazy and I just see red. I push him away so hard Clary!” Alec felt his eyes filling again and he looked towards the ceiling to push back the tears. His hands began to shake ever so slightly.

“Isn’t that the point, to open yourself up to someone, warts and all, and let them in? I know you were falling for him, even maybe loved him, but are you so scared that you’d let him walk away because of one freak accident all those years ago? Risk him finding someone else and having to see that every day in the press? For someone so intelligent you can be so stupid Alec”. Clary clutched at her friends hands tightly as she spoke. Clary felt Alec’s heart-rate slow as she looked into the eyes of her distraught and desperate friend. Alec gently pulled away his hands and stood up to walk towards the huge picture window which was adjacent to the kitchen table. His entire body was hunched over in defeat, his huge 6’ 3 frame pulling in on itself with the pain thumping in his chest. After a few arduous moment he turned back towards Clary but his strange look of calm resolve did nothing to pacify Clary’s concern.

“So many people have used that word over and over again since that night, but have you ever thought about what it means? Believe me, I have. The definition of ‘accident’ is any event that happens unexpectedly, without deliberate plan or cause. I went to that club that night deliberately, I expected him to come with me, we all planned to be noticed by the press, and that caused his death. Even if I was prepared to expose myself to that again do you really think I’d be willing to risk to someone else I love?”

Alec stared in disbelief as the smile crept across Clary’s face.  
“So what you’re actually saying, is that you do love him!”  
“Did you listen to anything else I said?” Alec half yelled.  
“No, not at all, I’ve been listening to your guilt-crap for years and I’ve chosen to ignore it for years, you know that. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you get away with it this time, whatever you believe, you deserve to be happy and stop making me feel guilty for being happy around you! You’re going to call Magnus, you’re going to insist on seeing him when he gets back to New York, and you’re going to do everything you can to not fuck this up entirely or I’ll send one of my dad’s crazy-assed thugs to kidnap you and drag you there by force!” Clary’s voice was neither angry nor sad. She had never used that tone or such disparaging honesty with Alec before and Alec gasped at the tenacity in her voice. 

“I loved him too Alec, so so much” she whispered, her eyes now full of compassion as she stared at her best friend, remembering, “and I know that he’d want you to be happy, he would have hated to see you like this. Wouldn’t you have wanted that for him if things had been different?”


	21. Chapter 21 - Alec

Chapter 21 - Alec

Alec couldn’t speak. He felt nauseous as he tried to hold back the tears stinging in the back of his throat, for what seemed like the millionth time. But for the first time in nearly a decade he felt the grip on his own guilt slip. He stared up towards the ceiling in defeat as the epiphany coursed through his brain. Years of expensive therapy had never come close to penetrating the wall he had built around himself, an internal barrier of blame and self-loathing which had kept his pain in and everyone else out. 

However, today a few simple words in Clary’s kitchen had shattered all the defences he’d fought so hard to build and maintain, defences that had slowly and quietly begun to crack since Magnus had walked into his life. It all seemed so stupid now, he’d been so angry, blaming everything, himself, the media, everything, when in fact all he needed to accept was the fact that it was just an accident, nothing and no one was to blame. The effectiveness of his pent up rage and its manifestation as a cold hard shield around his emotions was staring him hard in the face. Clary was right, if it had been him, would he have wanted his love to live in fear for the rest of his life, to never to risk loving anyone ever again?

“I miss him” was all Alec could muster, unsure of which ‘him’ he meant more. Clary jumped to her feet and embraced her friend tightly.   
“I know...I know” came Clary’s muffled voice, her face still held lovingly against Alec’s shoulder. “Call Magnus, just be honest with him, and then go from there”.

Alec pulled reluctantly away from the hug, his face still a mask of confusion and doubt. Clary sensed his trepidation and grabbed his arms in desperation as Alec began to shake his head slowly,  
“How? I don’t know how to fix it, what if he won’t listen, what if I pushed him away too hard? I don’t even know if I can talk to him about...never mind try to be what he wants me to be. I don’t even know if it’s too late to try” Alec’s breathing began to increase once more in panic and his eyes darted around the room searching. 

Alec refocused after a moment when he heard no reply but Clary’s face was once again fixed with resolve. She was staring hard at Alec, her hands still grasping Alec’s arms and her jaw clenched as if suddenly aware of what she had to do next.

“Do you trust me? She simply said, her voice soft but determined. Alec’s eyes narrowed in confusion but his head nodded in an automatic response to the obscure question.

“Then trust me that everything will be fine,” She said, still calm, but still resolute, “You’re staying here tonight, you’re not going back to that empty flat apartment alone. And don’t try to fob me off, I know you’re on a late shift tomorrow” She continued as Alec’s mouth opened to contest. Alec smiled a little and nodded once more, knowing that it was useless to argue when Clary made up her mind like this.


	22. Chapter 22 - Magnus

Chapter 22 - Magnus

Camille closed the door behind him and pounced. He could barely remember the journey to the hotel or how they had gotten from the car to the room but he did remember the moment it all started, or ended, however you want to look at it.

Her arms closed around his neck and she pushed up against him. Her neck was craned and she stood on her tiptoes as he was easily a foot taller than her. Her mouth reached up to his, her eyes open and sparkling with excitement. Magnus smiled and lowered his head to meet hers, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer to him. She moaned slightly in victory and the kiss deepened as both became more aroused. All Magnus could think about was how soft and smooth she was and how amazing it was to feel her body heat against his. She somehow pulled him along with her and onto the oversized bed without ever breaking her hold and fell on top of him with the sophistication of experience. She manoeuvred around him and he was grateful to relinquish all of the control to her, he’d had enough of thinking, he just wanted to feel. Her hands were all over him and his breath became laboured as the anticipation grew.

An unexpected vibration in his pocket caused Magnus to snap out of his daze. At first he wasn’t entirely sure what was happening but then he felt it again and suddenly fumbled for his phone. He sat up and his head spun slightly in a champagne haze from the sudden movement. A text message from an unknown Number. Magnus opened the message and his eyes widened a little as he read...“I tried to warn you mate! This will never come from Alec, so here goes: He’s sorry, and stupid, and proud...don’t hold it against him. Jace”

“What’s wrong honey?” Camille interjected trying to sneak a peek at the message, Magnus looked up at, at first in mild shock, but then with a mixture of phony concern and childish frustration as he focused on her face.

“I don’t know...” he stuttered in response. No way was he about to divulge any information about the message to her of all people. Jace’s timing was too perfect to ignore and Magnus could feel his regret and longing creeping back into this veins again. Tonight was over.

“...I’d better call back, something must be wrong” he said rather dramatically jumping to his feet. Camille rose onto her elbows, clearly unimpressed with the sudden break-off. 

“Whoever it is they can wait!” She snapped in a self-important and egotistical way. He turned back to face her and once again he was looking at her for the first time. Her face was contorted in annoyance as she lay back, her clothes creased and her hair dishevelled.  
“I’ll be back in a minute” he lied and practically ran in the direction of the bathroom.

He closed the door behind him and found himself once again looking at his face in the mirror. Lust was replaced by shame, and levity with regret. He had never associated himself with the bachelors of Hollywood, either in person or by reputation, and had often wondered how some men could behave so badly in this industry and get away with it! As a regular Brooklyn boy raised by a good family he had prided himself with integrity and respect for the opposite sex and felt nothing but contempt for those lotharios and love-rats the tabloids love to hate so much.

But here he was; using this girl for nothing but self-gratification and denial, with no intention of anything deeper. He felt sick to his stomach, a feeling which, in hindsight, came to dominate the memory of that night. He had to get out before he further betrayed himself, or anyone else. He turned up the volume as high as it would go and then scrolled down to the ringtone selection on his phone. The old-fashioned telephone ring screamed out twice before he muted it and began acting out his imaginary conversation, just loud enough to ensure that Camille would overhear.

He sprang from the bathroom and found her standing just outside of the door. He flung his arms around her and held her tightly for just a second longer than necessary. He pulled away and looked her straight in the eyes whilst cupping her face with his hands.

“I have to go, something’s wrong. I can’t say anymore now but I’ll call you tomorrow. I’m so sorry Camille” He whispered the last part and lingered on her name for extra sincerity. She bought it hook line and sinker, ‘perhaps there is an Oscar or two in the years to come’ he thought to himself. 

She grabbed his face and kissed him and without any further words, he turned and left the room. Despite the minimal collateral damage of this speedy exit Magnus still felt awful. He would not call her tomorrow, he would most certainly feign some sadness or concern whenever they met on set over the coming days and include his agent in the rouse for authenticity’s shake. He would then be free to fly home. All would be well again; he just had to get back to New York.

“Thank you. I appreciate it. Back soon, M.” was all he could think to write in response to Jace's text in the cab on the way back to his hotel. He knew he had to reply but was so confused and the champagne lingered in his system still to compile a more sensitive or mature reply. But there were no further messages that night.

The following few days were as awkward as Magnus anticipated. He acted his arse off all day on camera to satisfy the director and get things wrapped up as quickly as possible, and then he acted in between takes to maintain his façade in front of Camille. A number of times she made a beeline to talk to him but his agent, and friend, was just as good an actor and both intercepted and disarmed her at every point. Tom the director was thrilled with Magnus’s work, his newfound determination and stoicism was met with applause from the crew and the happy wringing of the producer’s hands as various award-shaped objects passed through his daydreams.

The penultimate day of the shoot dawned and Magnus was once again woken at stupid o’clock in the morning for makeup and early morning shots. He had stayed up later than planned the previous night following an unexpected but welcome call from Cat. She had tentatively relayed her accident and resultant visit to the hospital, but only after he was satisfied with her well-being did she also divulge the identity of the doctor who had treated her. Magnus, clearly taken aback by this chance meeting, wanted to hear every last detail and analysed everything Cat said so much so that she partially regretted every calling! But Magnus reassured her that she had done the right thing and that she never had any reason to hide anything from him, especially where his family or Alec was concerned.

He lazily rolled out of bed and noticed a missed call displayed on the screen of his phone. The name punched at his chest once more like a prize-fighter...’Missed call: Alec’, but no accompanying voicemail. Had the meeting with Cat prompted him to analyse his feelings too, or was Alec’s call purely out of familial concern? Was he ok?? He had to know...

He pressed down hard on the green button before his nerves could prevent it. It wasn’t as if he was making the first move, Alec had been the one to try and contact him, as tactics go his pride could remain intact by simply returning his call. His instinct was right, he had to check everything was ok, then at the very least he could resign himself to the fact that they had parted on slightly better terms. The ring tone coming from the other end of the line suddenly reminded Magnus of the time difference and he looked down at his watch. ‘Crap!’ he thought to himself as he realised Alec would probably already be at work, and was just about to hand up when the receiver picked up at the other end. His heart unexpectedly jumped into his throat and his pulse raced in his already bruised chest.

“Hello” came the quiet croaky voice from the other end of the phone.  
“Hi, it’s me, Magnus” he answered said, hesitantly. There was a short pause, but long enough for him to question whether or not he’d hit the correct number.  
”Hi...” came the soft and more familiar reply a moment later. 

“How are you?” Magnus asked in a genuine and warm tone, keen to display that his previous animosity had long since faded, especially as Alec had taken such good care of his sister.  
“I’m good, I...er, how’s it all going out there?” Alec replied, clearly still struggling to find his voice but the subtle warmth in it encouraged Magnus further.  
“Um, good I guess, everyone’s great, How’s work?”  
“Fine thanks. I saw Cat at the hospital, she’s fine though, a slight run-in with a pole apparently!”   
“Yeah, I just spoke to her last night actually. I just...I wanted to say thank you, for helping her, no matter how stupid she was!” he scoffed cheekily.  
“Of course, it was no trouble. It was nice to see her again, you’re very lucky to have such a lovely family.” Alec replied sincerely, “besides, I’ve seen much more stupid things than that, believe me!”

Magnus giggled, his mind wandering, and then sighed slightly. It felt so good to hear Alec’s voice again. He pressed the phone closer to his ear to appreciate his affectionate but slightly nervous chuckle and imagined her face smiling back at him.

“Listen, about the way we left things...” Magnus said, feeling encouraged enough at this point to say what he needed to say.  
“I’m so sorry Magnus’ Alec quickly said, interrupting Magnus “...I was rash and foolish, and I know I don’t deserve for you to forgive me, but I needed to tell you that I’m an idiot, and I…” Alec’s voice grew quieter until it tailed off altogether. Another moment of silence passed as Magnus rallied himself, hearing Alec’s slightly shallow breathing and feeling his panic rise even through the phone.

“I’ll be back in New York soon, I would like to see you, to talk properly?” Magnus wanted so badly to forgive him, right then and there, to tell Alec how much he yearned to see him, to hold him, and push away the pain that he was so clearly hiding behind his sad but beautiful eyes. But he held back. The hurt was still fresh enough to pierce through the relief he felt at hearing Alec’s voice once more. His loving and trusting nature had always been both his greatest asset and biggest downfall. He needed to protect himself, but he also had faith that Alec might be worth another chance. Only one way to find out. 

“Yes, I’d like that. And Magnus...thank you”.


	23. Chapter 23 - Alec

Chapter 23 - Alec

 

Alec stepped out of the elevator and into the long and luxurious hallway. His heart started pounding as he looked over the gilded sign on the wall in front of him. Left for suites 1 to 5, right for ‘Emergency Exit’. He pondered the apparent innocence but far reaching consequences of these two options for a few seconds, glad only in the knowledge that no one was there to witness his pitiful indecision. He once again opened his phone open and scrolled down until he came to the text he was looking for. ‘Plaza, suite 5, anytime after 8, if you're free? M.’ was all it read. 

It had come out of the blue that morning and been viewed far more times than was necessary to remember the detail. Of course, Alec knew from the media mayhem that Magnus was back in New York, being more attuned now to pop-culture news than he had been in a long time. But still he had decided not to initiate first contact, dismissively reassuring himself of Magnus’s need for space and family time after the prolonged absence from home. Not to mention the fact that his new girlfriend would probably not appreciate seeing messages from Magnus’s ex hookup! 

But now he found himself just yards from him again. Their last conversation was awkward and unresolved, but still an improvement on their last meeting in person. Alec swallowed back his feelings of guilt over his words of that day but they swirled in his stomach, mixing up with the multitude of other emotions that had irritatingly convened there. He glanced at his watch, 7.55pm, and turned sharply left. He owed Magnus this visit as per his request, if nothing else to apologise again in person for his irrational and cruel outburst in his apartment all those weeks ago. Also, Magnus was with someone else now, someone far more suited to him, ‘and less of a head-case’ he thought to himself. Alec abruptly felt a surge of determination to, at the very least, end things between them properly and let go of his confusion and lingering regrets over their ill-fated time together.

He strode quickly to outrun his wavering nerves but thankfully the journey to suite 5 was not a long one. Alec knocked on the large gloss white door and stood back checking his watch yet again. Moments later the door swung open and Magnus stood in its place smiling Alec’s favourite half-smile.

“Thanks for coming” Magnus said, after an unbearably long pause, and started taking a step forward towards Alec, but then leaned against the open door as if reigning in his intended action.

“Thank you for asking, I wanted to see you again, to apologise properly and in person for the way I acted. It’s good to see you” Alec replied cordially, internally chastising himself for waffling.

It was the truth, Magnus did look good. His hair was shorter and tidier than the last time he’d seen him and his skin was glowing from the inevitable tan of a few weeks in sunny California. Most of all, his huge brown eyes sparkled with excitement and depth. Even a 15 foot tall cinema screen did not come close to seeing the original up close and in person.

“You’ve already apologised Alec, I just thought it might be nice to have a drink and catch up” Magnus replied genuinely, never once breaking eye contact with him. He spoke with a confidence and resolve that Alec had never heard before. There was no uncertainty or insecurity in his voice and Alec couldn’t help himself but smile at his new found conviction. 

“California certainly seems to agree with you” Alec commented lightly.  
“Yeah, it was good” Magnus replied enthusiastically. He stepped aside, still smiling, and held out his hand in the direction of the inside of his suite beckoning Alec inside. The feeling of regret that washed over him caught in the back of Alec’s throat and stung. ‘He seems so happy’ he thought to himself as he tried not to imagine Magnus smiling that same smile to his new lover. Alec called on his many years of practice to suppress his own feelings and he too smiled widely as he walked forward in the direction of the gesture.

From the size of the living room Alec could tell that the suite was enormous and even he, who had been witness to extravagance all his life, appreciated the elegance of the surroundings. The room choice was obviously the result of an over-zealous publicist and Magnus seemed entirely unimpressed with the grandeur as he skipped over to the kitchen area totally ignoring Alec’s appreciation. He watched him disappear into the other room and then wandered over to the open French windows on the other side of the living room. The view over the illuminated park below was breathtaking and Alec leaned on the window frame instantly relaxed by the sounds and sights of the city below.

The sound of a cork popping behind him brought Alec back from his impromptu but welcome meditation and he turned to see Magnus pouring two large glasses of wine before holding one out to him. Alec took it and swirled the burgundy liquid around the glass before taking a sip. The taste was like nectar and he closed his eyes and sighed as he swallowed. 

“Is this my favourite wine?” he exclaimed suddenly aware of the coincidence. Magnus just smiled at him as he drank his own never once taking his eyes of Alec. All Alec could think of was how radiant he looked, perfectly framed by the open window, his golden brown hair moving slightly with the night air. His burgundy shirt hugged him in all the right places and Alec suddenly felt the urge to sit down to stop himself from dropping his glass and dashing straight over to wrap his arms around him.

“So why are you staying here?” Alec said, still standing on the opposite side of the room, snapping out of his daydream.  
“I have a few PR things scheduled here and it made sense to live on site! Plus I think Cat likes having the house to herself” Magnus replied jokingly, flawlessly maintaining his self-assurance in a way that Alec was finding both unfamiliar but strangely compelling at the same time.  
“Thank you again for helping her by the way, very handy to know a good doctor!” Magnus continued confidently. Alec looked down into his lap and blushed slightly, uneasy with compliments at the best of times.

“How was it in LA?” he asked hastily, changing the subject but also attempting to maintain the comfortable small-talk level of conversation between them. However, as soon as he heard the words come out of his mouth he regretted them, did he actually want to know the answer to this seemingly innocuous question?

Magnus’s composure faltered slightly and looked down towards his glass before taking another sip.   
“It’s good to be home” he replied smiling once more, “How’s things at the hospital? Alec pondered his reaction to his seemingly innocent question and the subsequent change of subject. He obviously didn’t want to talk to Alec about his time away, possibly wanting to spare him the gory details of his new relationship. The thought of it stung a little again but he comforted himself that soon he would leave, with a clear conscience, and could start to try to continue his pre-Magnus existence.

“Hectic as ever” Alec replied, also unwilling to divulge any personal details about the past few weeks, “How long are you back for?”  
“A while actually, I’ve just accepted a theatre role here in New York as a matter of fact, should keep me busy for months” Magnus’s enthusiastic and melodic voice continued. 

“Theatre? That’s a bit of a departure isn’t it?” Alec said, more than a little taken aback by this sudden change in direction, but enjoying the high their conversation was prompting in him.  
“If I can pull it off it will be good for my career, versatility and all that. Plus I didn’t realise how homesick I was until I left” he said, seemingly amused by Alec’s surprise.

“But what about...” Alec began to say, but stopped himself before she could uncontrollably utter the word ‘girlfriend’.  
“What about what?” Magnus asked quizzically,  
“Nothing, you just seemed to be enjoying yourself in LA that’s all, I sort of thought you might decide to make things more permanent, for your career.”

Magnus stared at him, eyes narrowed quizzically as he tried to ascertain the meaning behind his surprise. Suddenly a thought seemed to cross his features.   
“There’s nothing to hold me there, like there is here” Magnus replied uncompromisingly, regaining his composure and staring intensely back at Alec.

His brief but direct answer stunned Alec and he turned away from him to look out of the window once more and took another, much larger sip of his wine. With those few words he suddenly changed the atmosphere between them once again and he scrambled around in his head to try and find the words he wanted, he needed, to say. 

Alec’s resolve to leave amicably began to crack as he began to recall the better parts of their time together and a tiny speck of hope settled in his gut. Did Magnus mean what he thought he did, or was he reading too much into his comment? 

He heard him approach him from behind and turned to find him standing no more than a foot away clutching the bottle of wine. Magnus stared at him smiling gently this time and filled up his half-empty glass.

“Friends?” he asked with a chuckle to easing the tension. Alec smiled back, still muted by his confession, and simply raised his glass to gently clink it against Magus’s,  
“Friends” he said replied graciously, and Magnus turned to lead him back over to the sofa. 

The hours passed like minutes as the pair drank and chatted with more ease now about life in general and other irrelevancies. There was still tension between the pair, still things that needed to be said, but Alec revelled in the ease of the moment, and Magnus also seemed content to avoid anything deeper, not wanting to threaten their new found peace. But as Alec poured the last drops of the second bottle of wine into their glasses he sighed to himself.

“What?” Magnus chortled, amused by his sudden and audible brooding. Both were now seated casually but closely on the large sofa. Alec had removed his shoes and sat with his feet underneath him whilst leaning with one elbow over the back of the chair to support his head. Any pretence or awkwardness Alec had felt at their initial encounter had been soothed away by Magnus’s warm and easy company, and his excellent taste in wine. However, the end of the bottle served as an unwelcome reminder of his pledge to himself earlier in the evening that he would come here to make his peace and then leave on good terms, finally letting go of things between them once and for all wishing Magnus all the best. 

“I think I should go now. I really am glad you asked me over, maybe we can have a coffee sometime, when you’re not too busy with rehearsals of course” He said placing his empty glass down on the table and reaching for his shoes.

“Don’t go” Magnus replied forcefully, grabbing Alec’s free hand and looking deep into his eyes. Magnus’s voice was no longer relaxed and his eyes suddenly blazed with determination. Without letting go of Alec’s hand, Magnus placed his unfinished glass onto the coffee table and softly ran his hand over Alec’s jaw and neck.

“Magnus...” Alec started to protest with his last ounce of rational thought.  
“I missed you so much” Magnus whispered in surrender, his beautiful eyes now softened with moisture and the honesty of his feelings.

The movement of their heads coming together and lips touching felt entirely instinctive. Both of Magnus‘s hands now held onto Alec’s face as he kissed him slowly and deeply. The room swirled a little as Alec instinctively pressed himself towards the warmth of Magnus’s body, all the time breathing in his scent. His whole body responded to this sudden contact after such a long period of withdrawal. It was like coming up for air after months of slowly drowning and the relief was instantaneous and overwhelming. Their embrace tightened as their passion took over. Magnus suddenly threw his arms around Alec and pulled him even tighter towards him. Alec moaned tenderly as he too gave in to his addiction and let it take hold of him entirely.

He suddenly realised he had been waiting patiently all evening to be held like this, whilst still not allowing himself to believe whether it would even be possible again. From the moment he had knocked at the door and seen Magnus’s exquisite face on the other side it was like the sun coming out again after a long and baron winter. He had fantasised about this reunion in his mind for days and had thought long and hard about what he would say to win back Magnus’s forgiveness and confidence in him. There was much still to learn and inevitable hurdles to overcome, but tonight all he wanted to do was be held by Magnus and shut out the rest of the world.


	24. Chapter 24 - Magnus

Chapter 24 - Magnus

Magnus awoke and felt nothing but warmth surrounding him. The morning sun was spilling in through the huge undraped window in front of the bed and bathing the entire room in beautiful glow. Magnus lay on his side, arms still wrapped tightly around Alec, as they had been since their first kiss the evening before, his warm body moulded perfectly along the side of Alec’s long frame. The scent of him was intoxicating and Magnus buried his head further into Alec’s neck, careful not to wake him. 

A few minutes later Alec took a deep tired breath and opened his eyes. Alec turned his head, his face finally resting only a few inches from Magnus’s, and gently smiled at him. Magnus pulled him even closer and sighed heavily as he rolled gently until he was lying half on top of Alec, whose back was pressed further into the luxurious bed. He gently kissed down Alec’s face and neck as Alec moved slowly and willingly underneath him. He pulled his face back and watched Alec’s eyes flicker closed with pleasure and gave silent thanks to whatever being had created his beautiful lover. A very small part of Magnus began to worry about what would happen when the time came for them to leave their warm duvet cocoon, but he pushed it away just as quickly and snuggled further down. 

Reluctantly Alec pulled a few centimeters away and rolled onto his side.   
“Good morning” he said, smiling, in a weak and cracked voice. Magnus smiled back at him and chuckled.  
“Yes, it is” he replied but then pushed himself onto his elbows to check the alarm clock on the side table next to the bed, 10.30am.  
“Are you working today” Magnus said, not really wanting the answer, but also aware of how committed Alec was to his job.  
“Uh-huh” Alec replied quietly, “There’s too many people off with this flu epidemic at the moment, we’re very short staffed so I said I’d cover second shift”. 

Alec smirked at Magnus’s child-like pout and giggled. It was the most endearing of sounds Magnus had ever heard and his pout melted into a loving smile.  
“Can I see you afterward then?” Magnus replied, eagerly, but his face fell a little as Alec’s eyes dropped from his.  
“Magnus, I would really like to see you, and please don’t think that I’m trying to push you away again, but what about your...your girlfriend? I feel bad enough that things went as far as they did last night, and I don’t want to cause any more problems for you?”

“Girlfriend?” Magnus retorted quizzically, running their conversations from the previous evening through his head to ascertain how Alec had reached this bizzare conclusion.  
“Camille, isn’t it?” Alec whispered, concentrating on the duvet once more, but the the hurt still visible across his features.

“Alec…” Magnus reached out for his chin and raised his head to look at him in the eyes, “Camille and I are just colleagues. I admit that we went out for dinner once, and she practically tried to devour me when I dropped her back at her hotel, but there’s nothing between us, and never will be. Besides I’m not the cheating kind. If you and I are going to be ‘friends’ then you’re going to have to ignore what you read about me in the press, believe me, it’s hardly ever true” Magnus was using his smoothest voice to reassure Alec, suddenly realising where the ‘girlfriend’ assumption had come from, but something sinister passed quickly across Alec’s face.

“I’m sorry, again Magnus, I just thought...anyway it doesn’t matter now. I’ll be done by ten, if it’s not too late perhaps you could come over then?” Magnus’s smile lit up his face once more and he reached for and pulled Alec’s face to his. He kissed him passionately and triumphantly, all the while not able to remove the smile from his lips. They were back.

“I think I can remember the way...” he said cheekily when he finally pulled away and allowed Alec to breathe again, “...but you are going to have to tell at some point why you get that look every time I mention the press”. Magnus had planned to build up slowly to that particular topic, but in that moment he couldn't help himself. There was something so sad and fearful that crossed Alec’s face in these moments and he couldn't bare it.

Alec’s jaw tensed and he nodded slightly, his eyes never meeting Magnus’s. He reluctantly pulled himself out of the bed, grabbed his clothes from the floor, and walked into the bathroom without another word. Magnus sighed in frustration and pulled the duvet back around himself for warmth. Ironically when it came to Dr Lightwood, he would have to be patient. 

What they had was good, and could even be amazing someday. But the mystery that was Alec would need care and effort to unwrap, and Magnus resolved to do all he could to prove to Alec that he was safe. Like an egyptian tomb, Alec and his secrets were enigmatic and beautiful, but they were as dangerous as they were alluring, and could cause any naive explorer to become lost in the dark and painful depths.

*******

Magnus lay there, lost in his thoughts and enjoying the warmth of the sunlight and the bedding, until he heard the sound of the phone ringing aggressively, startling him out of his tranquillity. His eyes were heavy again and his mouth was dry as he reached for the handset. When had he dozed off again? 

“My apologies Mr Bane, but there was no answer when we called at your door and your food will be getting cold.” said the male voice from the other end of the line. Magnus rubbed his eyes with his free hand and looked around the room a little bewildered. He could no longer hear the water from the shower and there was no sign of Alec anywhere.  
“Um...give me a minute, I’ll be right there” he answered groggily.

He replaced the receiver and climbed out of bed. There was no sound of anyone else in the suite but he opened the bathroom door to check all the same. The doorbell rang and he walked, disorientated, towards it before running back at the last minute for a robe. 

“Good afternoon Mr Bane” came the shrill voice of the overly-enthusiastic waiter as soon as Magnus had opened the door.  
‘Afternoon?’ Magnus thought to himself as the waiter’s words did nothing to relieve his disorientation.   
“Ur, hi” he managed as he moved back to allow room for the waiter to push the crockery-laden trolley past him into the living room. The waiter busied himself unloading the array of crockery and cutlery and arranged it all neatly on the highly polished mahogany table next to the living area of the suite.

“Will there be anything else sir?” the waiter asked politely once the trolley was empty.  
“No thank you” Magnus replied, bemusedly looking over the plates filled with bacon, eggs, sausage, toast, fresh fruit, pancakes, coffee, orange juice and other breakfast luxuries.  
“Very good sir” the waited half-chuckled at his preoccupied guest, and started for the door.

“Wait!” Magnus suddenly called after him, “who ordered this, and what time is it?”  
“It’s just after noon sir, and your guest ordered on your behalf, but he asked us not to bring it up for another hour as you were resting.”  
“Thank you” Magnus said a little more coherently this time as he watched the waiter leave the room and heard the front door close behind him.

He thought back to earlier that morning and couldn’t remember closing his eyes again. The last thing he could recall was listening to the sound of the shower, and then the phone. He smiled to himself as he thought of Alec stepping out of the bathroom only to find him asleep again, possibly even trying to have a conversation with him unaware of his unconscious state. He sat down at the table and heartily tucked into his feast. He had many reasons to be grateful for Alec that day, but none more so at that moment than the relief to his grumbling stomach. He would have to remember to say thank you that evening for the romantic and delicious gesture and do something nice in return, now that he had the opportunity once again.


	25. Chapter 25 -Alec

Chapter 25 - Alec

 

That evening, much like the day preceding it, was bitterly cold and blustery, the type of malevolent weather that howls its presence through the air and bites at the faces of those foolish enough to venture out. Alec’s shift had been long and arduous, the hard East Coast weather never failing to provide its hospitals with a new array of storm-related accidents and injuries. The ER had been crammed throughout the day with the various victims of the modern day tempest; exposed cyclists, defenceless pedestrians and vulnerable motorists all trying to escape the wrath of the storm. Days like these always brought out the worst in humanity, as well as mother nature. Common courtesy quickly dissolved into grim determination and self-preservation, and umbrella stabbings, whether involuntary or otherwise, were an all too familiar sight. Hospital staff in particular seemed to be fair game to the rants and raves of normally reasonable people at the best of times, but today the feelings of animosity, coupled with very lengthy waiting times, metastasised into what only could be described as pure rage in some cases. 

It was a rare day indeed when Dr Workaholic himself was glad when his shift was finally done and he could escape the hospital for some well deserved time off. Anxious to get home Alec bowed his head and charged on through the unrelenting wind. His head was still lowered as he reached the garden gate but he raised it slightly as he fumbled for the metal latch. 

Out of nowhere a newspaper page flew through the air and slammed into his face. He was thrown backwards with the force of the shock and fell into the garden wall dropping his bag as his thigh bore the brunt of the impact.

“Shit, are you alright?” Jace yelled from the open front door. He ran towards Alec and pulled the paper away from his face and chest. Alec winced slightly as he pulled himself to his feet, grabbed his bag, and the two ran inside, slamming the door in the face of the storm. Alec slumped down on the stairs to catch his breath and looked up at Jace, smiling and shaking his head with a mixture of embarrassment and shock.

“You certainly know how to make an entrance!” Jace chided as he grinned back at the pathetic sight of his best friend who had just lost a fight with a newspaper.

“Something for the nerves perhaps?” he continued in his most affectionate and welcoming tone and held out his hand. Alec received it gratefully and followed Jace through the front door of his apartment and into the stylish living room. He removed his coat and walked off towards the kitchen. Alec slumped down on the comfy sofa and pulled his boots off so he could bring his legs up to warm underneath him, wincing slightly at the now purpling lump on his leg. Jace returned a moment later with two beers and set one down in front of Alec, then with his free hand pressed a button on a small remote control. The fireplace suddenly burst into life, illuminating the room with a warm glow and banishing the last traces of the cold still violently thrashing against the windows outside.

Unexpectedly Jace flopped down onto the sofa next to Alec, so close that he almost sat on his bruised and throbbing leg. His hand waved over Alec’s head and he was suddenly crushed against Jace’s broad chest, tapped in one of his trademark bear hugs. But Jace held on for a few seconds longer than normal as a small sigh escaped his lips. His grip loosened and Alec finally managed to lift his head and look at his face.

“What wrong?!” Alec gasped in alarm as he saw the distraught look on Jace's usually care-free face. He leaned forward and held onto Jace’s arm softly as the tears welled in his eyes. Alec felt his face contort with concern as he waited for Jace to speak.

“I needed to talk to you, I didn’t want to bother you at work, but there’s been some...some trouble.” Jace’s voice was strained and barely audible.  
“What sort of trouble?” Alec knew this tone of voice well. It usually manifested itself as the tone commonly drawn on by junior doctors when trying to break bad news, nervous bewilderment mixed with helpless calm, the tone used before the weight of medical experience brought control and disconnection to traumatic situations.

Jace let out a longer, more pained sigh this time and rubbed his face harshly with both hands.  
“Carter’s been killed” he replied quietly, looking deep into Alec’s eyes now. “He was attacked whilst leaving the club last night, they think it was a gay bashing as there was no theft or other signs of motive. Some prick-less bastards kicked him to death” His hands clenched as his words strained through gritted teeth and his knuckles turned white under the strain of his anger. 

“The police called me this morning as I was listed as a contact in his phone, they wanted to know what kind of lifestyle he lead, like he’d asked for this or something!” Jace looked to the ceiling, whether for answers or to dispel the anger that was now dissolving and flooding his eyes.

“It’s just so fucking pointless! Such a fucking waste...and for what? Just so some psycho closet-case can feel better about have a tiny dick and a sad life!” Words finally failed Jace and his head drooped down towards his lap in defeat.

Alec felt the first tear fall down his cheek. He was so engrossed by Jace’s sadness that he hadn’t even noticed his own eyes begin to well. His throat stung and his heart ached as Jace reached for his beer. 

Alec only vaguely knew Carter though the club and his friendship with Jace. Carter had become somewhat obsessed with Jace and, unlike Jace himself, Alec had found Carter’s infatuation quite endearing, however misplaced. But Jace bore it well enough and let him down gently, so much so that they became good friends. Carter was a small but solidly framed almost Grecian looking man and Alec always got the impression that Jace had taken it upon himself to adopt him as something of the younger brother. He had strikingly beautiful and quite feminine features and lived quite well off the back of mid-range modelling jobs. But fundamentally Carter was a snob and adored his job at the Hamilton club, hobnobbing with its wealthy and famous clientele.

“Talk to me Alec, tell me something to take my mind off hunting those bastards down myself and cutting their dicks off!” Jace said, his voice cracking with desperation. Alec took another large gulp of his beer to ease the pain in his throat. His selection of conversation subject was easily chosen but the reaction was unpredictable and possibly unwelcome. But above all, it would definitely take Jace’s mind off the events of his tragic day.

“I saw Magnus last night” he whispered, looking down at his beer. Jace’s eyes suddenly widened as he stared at Alec.   
“He called me from LA and then asked me to meet him when he got back. He arrived a few days ago and I went to his hotel, just to talk...to apologise for what I said the last time we saw each other”  
“And...” Jace retorted hungrily, the smallest signs of hope appearing on his tear stained face.

“And what?” Alec replied quietly, “what do I do? I admit that I like him, I really like him. I stayed the night with him, I agreed to see him tonight, I just can’t help myself when I’m around him.”   
“So what’s the problem?” Jace replied, the anticipation alight in his eyes.   
“We have no future, we can’t, so what’s the point? I’m just being selfish, just prolonging the inevitable. I don’t want to hurt him, but he is what he is and I am what I am, nothing in the world can change that, can it?” Alec begged, staring intently into Jace’s eyes.

Alec watched as Jace scanned his face suspiciously. He physically felt his determination and conviction further cracking and in that moment, he knew deep down that his words contained none of the resolve they once did. Something had fundamentally changed inside of him, Magnus had somehow changed him. But still, his instinctive and paralysing fear was still very much there and hat was speaking for him now. 

Jace suddenly stood up and grabbed his beer from the coffee table. He walked over to the fireplace and sighed heavily, clearly trying to make sense of the tsunami of emotions that were pushing him to breaking point. An odd pained silence passed between the two and Alec began to panic, unsure of what was passing through the mind of his brother. What had he said to seemingly annoy him so much? Perhaps this was the wrong time to bring up the ‘Magnus thing’? Had he misunderstood him, maybe Jace needed to talk about his own day more? Abruptly Jace turned to face him,

“If there’s one thing I’ve learnt today it’s that none of us are truly safe, none of us are totally in control of our own lives, our own futures. We may think we are but something always comes along to remind us how naive we are to even think that.” His voice was contorted in suppressed anger and his eyes blazed.

“I didn’t mean...” Alec started but he was cut short.

“Please, please, for me, for Carter, stop letting your fear and your past dictate your life! You run away screaming from anything that might make you happy and I can’t stand to watch you do it to yourself again. Take a chance for god’s sake you might actually find that it isn’t as bad as all that!” Jace’s eyes had welled up once more but his grim determination refused to allow the lump in his throat to diminish what he had to say.

“I sent Magnus a message while he was away. I know I probably crossed a line, but I asked him to go easy on you, that you're a fool and don’t know what's good for you” Jace’s voice was calm and flat, but his jaw tensed in frustration and his eyes had glassed over once more with unshed tears.

Alec stared at him in shock. Alec was a fiercely independent man, and under any other circumstances would have been annoyed by this betrayal. But looking into Jace’s eyes in that moment he felt nothing but admiration and gratitude for his brother. Jace had lost so much in his life but prided himself on keeping his inner glass always full to the brim and never doing anything by halves. But even his huge capacity for optimism had been shaken today and the glass was getting dangerously close to going below the halfway mark, especially where Alec was concerned. Alec knew how much he loved him, but Alec’s fractured sense of emotional well-being had always been a constant source of frustration and concern for Jace. 

But now, even in the wake of this terrible tragedy, Jace held onto hope; hope that out of the despair and waste of Carter’s death, perhaps his passing could change the lives of those around him for the better? 

“I’m not sorry Alec” Jace sighed quietly, following a long pause during which both men tried to digest the last few minutes of their lives.

“It’s OK Jace, I love you too” Was all Alec could think to answer. What else could he say when that was the only truth he knew at that moment. 

“I know it seems safe to stay the same, change is scary, especially when you know that the unknown could lead to yet more pain. It takes courage to take risks, to face the truth that you’ll have to live with the consequences of your choices. But trust me, making the right decision and following it through brings its own kind of peace, a release of that knot that has built up in your gut from years of hiding away from how you feel. Most people live their whole lives sidestepping those decisions, and some die happy. But most die with the regrets of what they didn’t do, not what they did.” 

The tears finally spilled from Jace’s eyes and is whole being sagged. Alec rushed to his brother’s side and placed a strong and supportive arm around his shoulder. Jace had lost his parents, and now his friend under traumatic circumstances, not to mention the trauma he had shared with Alec all those years ago. But he still somehow managed to hold his ground and Alec watched him in silent awe. He would do whatever it took to be worthy of his brother's love and friendship, even if it meant blowing up the very ground he stood on to do it.

“To Carter” Alec whispered and smiled respectfully.  
“Hear hear” Jace replied, calmer now, “rest in peace mate” raising his drink a little higher before gently clinking the bottle’s together.


	26. Chapter 26 -Magnus

Chapter 26 - Magnus

 

“So, how would you feel about me taking you out for dinner tomorrow night?” Alec asked, staring into his large glass of wine. Magnus had arrived at the house just as Alec was leaving Jace’s apartment and he instantly picked up on the somber nature of Alec’s mood. But Alec had smiled at him genuinely and gestured to him to follow him upstairs to his apartment.

The onslaught of memories hit Magnus as he stepped through Alec’s front door. Their time together here had been brief but intense and Magnus could still feel the tension in the air as he walked through into the living room. He broke the silence by offering Alec the bottle of his favourite wine that he’d picked up on the way, and he and Alec were now seated on the sofa with a large glass each. 

“I, um…” Magnus stuttered, taken aback by Alec’s forwardness and apparent change of heart towards how they’d spent their time together. 

“I still feel bad about the last time you were here, and we’ve never had a real date, also my fault! I thought, maybe we could change that?” Alec interrupted.  
“I’d love that” Magnus replied, still somewhat bewildered, but more than happy to go with Alec’s new found confidence and see where it took them.

“Great, how about tomorrow night? I could pick you up from the hotel, 8 ok?”   
“Absolutely, but may I ask what has brought this on? You’ve never been keen on us being seen out together before” Magnus asked quizzically.  
“Just somethings that Jace and Clary have said recently, made me rethink some stuff, and realise that life is short, and some things are maybe worth a little risk”  
“Well I’m not complaining. To us!” Magnus smiled and raised his glass.

Magnus left that evening with a smile on his face and a warmth in his chest. They’d shared the rest of the bottle of wine and chatted easily until Alec reluctantly mentioned his early rounds at the Hospital the next morning. They parted with a brief but sensual kiss and a farewell until the next evening. He walked through the streets of Brooklyn with his head up, not a care given to anyone who might recognise him or snap a picture. Whatever Alec’s friends had said to him must have been powerful, and strong enough to beat back the demons that seemed to scar Alec’s past and haunt his present. Maybe he would bring it up over dinner, or maybe he would just let sleeping dogs lie? Alec’s gesture alone was more than enough to wash away any residual feelings of hurt he harboured. Now there was just excitement, and the sudden panic over what he would wear to such an occasion! 

*********

Eight o’clock on the dot and Magnus heard a knock on his hotel room door. Clothes were strewn all over the bed as he’d cast aside dozens of outfits trying to find the one that would make Alec realise ‘I’m falling head over heels for you’ and ask ‘will you be mine?’ He took one last glance at the final outfit of choice and jogged to the door. All thoughts of his own clothes fell out of his head as soon as he saw Alec standing in the halway. He was wearing a sharp high-end tailored navy blue suit with a crisp white shirt underneath, open at the top to hint at the the flurry of dark brown chest hair that Magnus so longed to run his fingers through again. 

“Wow” Alec said, beating Magnus to the punch, “you look...amazing”  
“Right back at you Alexander, I never took you for a designer fan” Magnus replied, still hungrily eyeing Alec up and down.  
Alec smirked and a blush tinted his face, “my family like to throw fancy events all the time, and I can’t avoid them all, so this is part of the Lightwood family uniform”.  
Magnus smiled broadly. Alec rarely mentioned his family, maybe he really was going finally open up to Mangus after all, maybe they could have the real relationship he had fantasised about all those times? Plus he’d worn his ‘fancy’ clothes for Magnus, that was indeed promising.

*********

Half an hour later and they were sat opposite each other in a small but beautiful little bistro tucked away in Soho. The restaurant had been styled to resemble a secret garden, with green hedge-like borders creating secret nooks and crannies for intimate tables, and tiny twinkling spotlights in the ceiling producing a beautiful starry sky. There were hundreds of candles and fairy lights everywhere, in all manner of glass jars and stands, and a roaring fireplace, all illuminating the space with an ethereal and magical glow. Magnus had never been in such a romantic eatery. He was lost for words as he continued to stare all around him. Finally his eyes came to rest back on Alec’s and what he saw took his breath away.

Alec was staring at Magnus with a look of wonder and worship. His face was a mask of contentment in the soft candle light and Magnus reached across the tiny table to hold his hands, to make sure that in that moment he wasn’t dreaming.

“How did you find this place?” he asked, not even trying to his the astonishment in his voice.  
“It’s a quiet little family run place that I came across years ago. They don’t advertise, or have any online presence, unless you know it’s here or someone tells you, then you’d be none the wiser. My family gave the owner’s son a scholarship to go to college years ago and we’ve been coming here ever since. I don’t think they make much money, but cooking is their passion” “Fancy events and philanthropy, what is is your family actually do Alexander?” Magnus gave Alec’s hands a small squeeze of encouragement and hoped that his prying would be well met.

Alec sighed slightly and his eyes fell onto their connected hands. For a moment Magnus regretted his curiosity as Alec shifted on his seat, obviously a little uncomfortable by his questioning. But the moment passed and he looked back into Magnus’s eyes with resolve.  
“My parents oversee an operation called the Lightwood Foundation. My Grandfather and great grandfather made a fortune in construction decades ago but giving back to their community was always a priority for them. Nowadays the Foundation owns a fair amount of property dotted around Manhattan and my parents have dedicated their working lives to continuing the charity work of the Foundation by supporting local projects in the arts and education.”  
“Wow, that's incredible, what a legacy to be a part of!” Magnus exclaimed, hanging on Alec’s every word.

“Endless parties and fundraisers aren't what most people would describe as hard work, but they have helped an awful lot of people over the years and I’m proud of them”  
“So were you not expected to follow in the family business?” Magnus pressed. Alec’s jaw tensed and he pulled his hand away from Magnus’s and took a long sip of his wine.   
“At one point that was the plan, but plans change and they know I’m happy doing what I do. Plus Izzy is more than happy and capable of taking over the Foundation when the time comes, she loves everything that comes with that life.”  
“So is that how you met Jace? Did you family help him too?”  
“What makes you say that?” Alec asked, somewhat cynically,  
“Just something he mentioned a while ago, about your dad helping him out with college, and with the house you guys share...”  
“Oh I see, and yes that’s all true, but no that’s not how we met. But enough about my family, I want to know more about you.” 

Magnus recognised a change in subject when he saw one. He had already learnt more about Alec that evening than in the sum total of their previous time together, and whilst he could listen to Alec talk about himself all evening, Alec was clearly nearing the edge of his comfort level. 

They chatted about Magnus’s upcoming project, and about Alec’s life at the hospital, whilst drinking the best wine Magnus had ever had and eating food that should have been reserved for the gods, it was that good. The food, the wine, the atmosphere, the company was proving to be a heady mix for Magnus, he couldn’t remember a time when he felt so happy. 

They had just finished their second bottle of wine when Magnus noticed Alec staring into space, deep in thought. He lingered on his face for a moment longer, happy to watch the candle light dance across his features, before curiosity got the better of him.  
“Penny for them?” Magnus finally whispered.   
“Huh?” Alec replied, having been gently pulled out of his brooding by Magnus’s melodic voice.  
“Penny for your thoughts” Magnus grinned and swirled the last sip of wine around his glass.

“I was just thinking about you actually...” Alec replied, smiling, but slightly coy.  
“...about how I missed you when you were in LA.” Alec’s eyes dipped as the blush spread across his cheeks. Magnus felt the beginning of tears well in his eyes as he looked at the man in front of him. Alec was clearly pushing against his inner barriers to be open and honest with Magnus, and the gesture seemed as perfect as their evening together.  
“I even went to see your movie” Alec continued grinning, although something darker flashed over his eyes. Magnus’s eyes squinted in the dim light as he tried to see any further sign of worry in Alec’s features, but they had softened once more, and Alec just gazed lovingly at him.  
“Well, right now I’m here, with you, and I’m not going anywhere”, Magnus whispered, clutching Alec’s hand once more in reassurance and silent thanks for the trust he had placed in him that evening. 

Like a true gentleman, Alec insisted on picking up the check at the end of their evening. It was getting late and Magnus had an early morning meeting with his new theatre director, an arrangement he was now inwardly cursing. But Alec was being the responsible one and reassuring Magnus that they could meet up the next evening back at his apartment, with the additional promise of a home cooked meal, complete with dessert. Magnus chuckled then sighed heavily as he hailed a cab, knowing that if Alec joined him back to the hotel there was no telling how much later the evening could get. As the cab rolled up Alec grabbed Magnus by his waist and pulled him close. They stared into each others eyes for a brief moment before crashing their lips together. Magnus felt his toes curl as Alec surged forward and claimed him in a mind-blowing kiss. His heart sang as they broke apart and three small words threatened to burst from his chest. His lips parted as he lost himself in the depths of Alec’s eyes and the rest of the world fell away.

Suddenly the waiting cab’s horn pierced the serenity between the lovers and Magnus closed his mouth as he felt his feet firmly back on the ground. Alec chucked and pecked Magnus on his lips. “Thank you for a lovely evening Mags. Until tomorrow?”   
“Until tomorrow Alexander” Magnus mirrored, and reluctantly hopped into the waiting cab.


	27. Chapter 27 - Alec

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the slight delay guys, but here's the next chapter and there will hopefully be more over the weekend.

Chapter 27 - Alec

 

Alec walked down the stairs lazily, thinking fondly of the previous night and how happy Magnus had been at the simplest of gestures. The scarred and paranoid Alec of a few months previously seemed like another person compared to him now and he felt mild pangs of regret as he allowed his thoughts to wander once more towards his less than reasonable behaviour of late. Second chances were a rare and precious thing in his life, he mused.

He sighed half-heartedly as he reached the front door, trying to push away any lingering self-deprecation, and bent down to gather up the small pile of letters that had accumulated on the cold tiled floor beneath his bare feet. He sorted through the junk and then piled up Jace’s share of mail next to his own when he noticed the daily trashy tabloid that Jace insisted on buying sticking half through the letterbox. With a disapproving roll of his eyes he pulled the paper all the way through and unfolded it to reveal the gregarious front page. The headline was predictably cliché as it referred to a prominent politician who had been caught in a compromising position under a bush in Central Park. Alec scoffed as his eyes wandered with guilty pleasure towards the picture under the story, but another strapline and smaller picture in the bottom right hand corner caught his attention. The photograph was grainy, as if captured with a mobile phone, but the subjects were brutally clear.

‘Exclusive: Magnus Bane and Mystery Guy!;’

The rest of the neatly arranged mail fell to his feet as Alec starred in pure horror at a picture of himself and Magnus dining together the night before. 

‘See page five for more!’

Trying to remember how to breathe, Alec ripped open the brittle paper and was confronted by his worst fears. Dozens of grainy pictures in rows, like a sick voyeuristic cartoon strip of their private evening together stared back at him. Every smile, every touch, even their last beautiful kiss all perversely displayed for the whole world to leer over and dissect. His legs gave out from underneath him and he crumbled to his knees, scattering the half torn pages on top of the forgotten mail. 

Suddenly the doorbell shrieked above him and Alec felt his pulse all but explode in his chest. A rush of pure adrenaline allowed him to find his feet again and he flew up the stairs, slamming the apartment door behind him, not even noticing the lock failing to connect to its latch with the force of the impact.

The doorbell sounded again and Jace walked out into the hallway to answer it. He opened the door, smiled and signed the postman’s parcel delivery book. Walking back to his door and perusing his package excitedly, he felt the crumple of paper underneath his feet and stopped to look. He bent down to rearrange the discarded paper and looked absentmindedly at the content. He squinted at the lines of tiny images but recognition took only a fraction more of a second than curiosity. Long shocked seconds passed as astonishment and disbelief turned to anger and intense distress. Jace’s eyes rapidly scanned every fuzzy image and sordid comment as he digested the panic raging inside of him. His parcel was discarded as quickly as he regained his senses and he fled up the stairs, two at a time. Fist raised ready to pound on Alec’s door, instead he found it oddly ajar. With a deep breath and pulse racing he gently pushed on the door and peered into the familiar space, for the first time ever not knowing what would greet him.

‘Exclusive’. Alec considered the term carefully as he sat on his bathroom floor, legs held tightly against his, forehead on his huddled knees. Were they exclusive? To the rest of the world this simply meant the revelation of them being seen together, but what did it really mean to him? Of course he wanted to be with Magnus exclusively, but not be the exclusive for the rest of the world? Was this inevitable? Was the universe just showing him further proof that he was meant to be alone, mutually exclusive of anyone? Never mind someone like Magnus! His life, in many ways epitomised the term. He had, by anyone’s standards, grown up in an exclusive manner, never going without, but always feeling essentially alone. The nannies, although caring and attentive, never loved as a parent should, and the teachers at his elite boarding school, however wise, never instilled in him the life lessons that should have prepared him for the trials ahead. 

Alec had spent his adult life as an exclusive, alone to the exclusion of all else, for the most part happy in his self-induced seclusion. Life had taught him that happiness and love came at a price and one so steep he would do whatever he could to never be indebted to it again. But fate had put Magnus in his path and, despite his better judgement, Alec had fallen hard for the wonderful but famous man. However, fame in Alec’s experience, was a double edged sword, and one that had plunged itself into Alec’s heart and almost killed him all those years ago. 

Now once again, he found himself ripped wide open. His private emotions laid bare for the entertainment and consumption of the public at large. The thought made him sick to his stomach and he crawled to the toilet and vomited violently into the bowl. The humiliation, the scrutiny, and the potential for dredging up old stories all made Alec shake uncontrollably as he sat on his bathroom floor, sweating and breathing in sharp and painful breaths. 

He hadn’t heard the heavy pounding of footsteps on the stairs, but he gradually became aware of huge arms wrapping themselves around him, helping him up and supporting him as he walked. Jace gently lay Alec onto his bed and brushed his hair away from his clammy face. He sat beside him on the bed and held onto Alec’s hand as the first tear fell down his pained face. Alec’s eyes found Jace’s face and he could no longer hold back. He began to sob, silently at first, then loudly as the pain washed over him in waves. Jace said nothing, just stroking his hair and fumbling with his phone, fearing any use of his voice would betray the avalanche of angry tears hiding just behind his own eyes. His phone vibrated silently in his free hand and he looked down in hope. The message received was the reply to his SOS to Clary, she was one her way, she would know what to do, what to say.

*********

Alec opened his eyes and they slowly focused on Clary’s face. He had not idea how long he’d laid there, just that his head was banging and his throat was sore. Clary sat on the bed beside where he lay, a look of gentle affection on her face, thinly masking the worry hiding behind her eyes. He heard water running in the bathroom and Jace walked back into the room carrying a glass. Alec pushed himself up to sitting and took the water gratefully, the stomach acid still burning in this throat.   
“You passed out there for a moment buddy” Jace said gently, sitting next to Clary on the side of Alec’s bed. “You were hyperventilating so much I almost called 911!”  
“How are you feeling sweetie?” Clary all but whispered.

Alec stared at his friends as they impatiently awaited his answer. He had no idea. His brain had short-circuited and now felt like it was rebooting, everything processing at a slower than normal rate, but at the same time hypersensitive to any outside forces. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He simply had no answer. He put down the glass and rubbed his face harshly to rid himself of any residual moisture. 

“I know you’re panicking right now mate, but this might not be as bad as you think Alec.” Jace said, trying to lift the dark mood that had settled over the room.  
“Jace’s right, you can barely make out your face in those pictures and there’s no mention of your identity, “Clary offered, “I’m sure this will all be forgotten about by tomorrow, everyone will be talking about someone else by then, you’ll see”.

“You really believe that?” Alec finally managed to reply, his voice as broken as his spirit.  
“By this time tomorrow those pictures will be everywhere. Every trashy website and social media site, everyone will see them, and how long do you think it will take for someone to recognise me? It’s even worse now than it was back then!”  
“Alec please, let’s not get ahead of ourselves” Clary pleaded, trying to give sincerity to her voice, but knowing in her heart that Alec was probably right. 

Just as Alec opened his mouth to speak again his phone rang loudly from his nightstand. Glancing over he saw his sister’s picture smiling at him from the screen, and taking a deep breath and picked up the call.   
“Oh my god Alec!” came Izzy’s shrill tone. “You’re still seeing Magnus Bane! When were you planning on telling me? Mom and Dad are thrilled, this will be great PR for the Foundation...” 

Alec couldn’t take anymore, he practically threw the phone at Clary and covered his face with his broad hands.   
“Now’s not a good time Izzy” Clary said into the phone apologetically, “he’s not exactly thrilled with what’s happened.”  
“Oh I see” replied Izzy, “well give him our love and tell him to let us know if he needs anything, we can always get the family lawyers involved if he needs them.”  
“Thanks Izzy, but I think a legal intervention will only add fuel to the fire in this case, talk soon” and with that, Clary hung up.

Alec knew she was right. Everything was already out there, public record and there was no putting the genie back in its bottle, plus getting his family or their team of high profile lawyers involved would only make the story juicer, at least they didn’t seem to know who he was, for now. Clary had grown up watching her father face countless cases of bad press, mostly self-perpetuated, but most importantly watching how he dealt with them. She was very media savvy and Alec felt a little better knowing he had her to turn to. 

“I think we’ll just have to sit and watch how this all plays out, just carry on as normal and hope for the best” Clary offered. Alec nodded but his eyes never lifted from his lap. His phone buzzed once again and Alec glanced up. A calendar invitation flashed across the screen, reminding him of a presentation he’d been signed up for at the hospital. Great, that’s all he needed; a couple of boring hours being presented at in room full of people. What he wouldn’t give for a back-to-back shift in the ER to take him mind off things and work him to the point of exhaustion. 

*********

Alec was right, the presentation from the pharmaceutical company trying to peddle their latest miracle drugs was deathly dull. He hated the commercial and profiteering side of medicine almost as much as he hated the media, and he found himself getting more and more angry with various reps reeling off dozens of side effects and horrendously high price tags. It seemed that most people in the room felt than same and many had their phones out to ease their boredom. 

Occasionally Alec looked around, the hairs on the back of his neck raising like there was a cold draft in the room. Once or twice he caught eyes looking over at him with quizzical looks. He brushed it off and tried to focus on the presentations but a steady stream of messages kept making his phone vibrate in his hands and he couldn’t stop himself from peering down. There were 5 messages from Clary and 3 from Jace, all in the last 15 minutes. He flicked his phone to life and his blood ran cold. ‘I’m so sorry Alec, but they know who you are’ was the first and only message he saw. He tapped on his internet browser and typed in ‘Magnus Bane news’. Dozens of hits filled the screen with article after article posting the pictures and accompanying stories... 

‘Magnus Bane dating Isabelle Lightwood’s brother’  
‘Heir to the Lightwood dynasty dating Hollywood playboy’  
‘Magnus Bane and new boy toy Alec Lightwood, of the Lightwood Family Foundation’  
‘Magnus Bane and his new ‘Ally’: Star steps out with New York elite’

Alec read line after line, unable to stop himself. Every time he saw his name in black and white he felt like he’d been stabbed in the gut, but he kept going, scanning every article he could find. There was mention of his family, and the trust, but nothing of ‘the incident’, thank god. It seemed the editors and journalists had been thankfully lazy on this occasion and hadn’t dug deep enough to unearth the unthinkable.

“Hey Dr Lightwood, are you ok?” whispered a friendly colleague who was sat next to him. Alec looked up and saw many faces glaring at him. He was breathing heavily and he could feel the beads of sweat forming on his face and back. 

Without a word he sprang to his feet and walked as quickly as he could to the doors at the rear of the room. The presenter was no longer speaking and everyone in the room was now staring at him, but he didn’t care, he had to get the hell out of here. He walked quickly through corridor after corridor of the huge hospital in search of an exit, he needed to breathe fresh air. His phone continued to buzz in his lab coat pocket but he ignored it, focused solely on his raging heartbeat and trying to calm his ragged breaths. 

He made it to the ER and was about to run out of the main doors when Dr Branwell caught his arm, “Dr Lightwood, my goodness, are you ok?”  
Alec stared at her and simply managed to shake his head, still too out of breath to answer with words. “You look quite ill, you’ve clearly come down with this flu, and it’s no wonder with all the shifts you’ve been working, go home and I’ll cover for you.” Alec gave Lydia the smallest of smiles in appreciation of the gesture and nodded. He was just about to turn and leave when he heard whispers from the nurses station behind him...  
“That’s him, go ask him” “No! You ask him, and ask if he can get us Magnus’s autograph”.

That was it. Alec bolted for the doctor’s lounge to grab his coat and keys and ran out of the hospital. He was totally out of breath as he turned the corner onto his street, not noticing the large black town car parked directly opposite his front door. As he jogged up the street the door of the car opened and Mangus jumped out. Alec stopped dead in front of him.

“Alec...I was in meetings all morning, I only just saw...I came as soon as I could!” Magnus stuttered, unsure of what Alec’s reaction would be. Alec’s heart went into overdrive. The running, the stress and now seeing Magnus standing right in front of him, all the conflicting emotions threatening to simultaneously tear him apart. He hadn’t realised he’d been holding his breath until the dizziness hit him and he all but collapsed onto the wall outside of his home.

Magnus rushed to put his arm around him and he could faintly hear his words of concern over the buzzing in his ears. Magnus pulled him to his feet and guided him up the path and towards the front door. They made it inside to the hallway before Alec leaned against the wall, still trying to catch his breath.

“Alec, I’m so sorry, I swear I had no idea they were out there!” Magnus pleaded, “My manager called, apparently he tipped off some of the paps and they followed us from the hotel...”  
“It doesn’t matter now, it’s done...it’s all done” Alec whispered in between ragged breaths, slowly shaking his head, not being able to lift his eyes to Magnus’s.

“Alec, we can get past this, it could even be a good thing, at least we don’t have to hide away anymore!” Magnus continued in his best optimistic tone.  
“A good thing?” Alec looked directly at him for the first time in astonishment, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “My career, my life, it’s all over. All those years trying so hard to move on, to disappear....it’s all my fault, I knew from the start that this would happen, but I ignored it, I was stupid and selfish, and now I’ve put us both at risk.” 

“Risk? What risk? Don’t do this Alec, please! It’s my fault, I wanted so much to go out with you, I think I secretly wanted the world to know about us, about how I feel about you, it’s my fault”  
“I’m so sorry Magnus, I let this all get out of hand, but I can’t do this, I won’t do this. I can’t lose you too. Please, if you care about me at all, like I care about you, just go.” Alec whispered softly, not looking at him, and walked away in defeat.


	28. Chapter 28 - Jace

Chapter 28 - Jace

The scene was heartbreakingly familiar. The same set of friends, family in all but blood, huddled together in solidarity and grief. Jace had bared silent witness to the exchange between Alec and Magnus, both outside on the sidewalk and inside the hallway of their home, watching to see how his brother would react. He prayed to anyone who would listen that Alec could hold out against his inner demons, and hold onto Magnus in the process, but the shock had clearly been too great. Magnus had finally left, again, and Alec was alone, again.

Jace had all but dragged Alec inside of his apartment and deposited him on the sofa whilst he sent a quick message to rally the others. Now they all sat together in Jace’s living room, Alec in between them, trying to console him as best they could. Clary gently held onto Alec’s hand, with Izzy on the other side, whilst Simon and Jace hovered nearby. What little had been said had been quickly dismissed by Alec or ignored completely. They had all pushed him to move beyond his comfort zone in different ways and he had eventually succumbed to the pressure. And now once again the guilt was threatening to overwhelm him.

Suddenly Izzy jumped to her feet, her hands in fists at her sides, face pinched in anger.  
“Enough!” she barked, and pulled her stunned brother to his feet, hugging him hard in the process. “Enough of this nonsense! Talk Alec, scream if you want to, throw things, just let it out, once and for all!” 

Alec stared back at her stoic face. Jace felt his body gravitate towards the siblings, locked in their silent battle, but his mind told him to hold back. They had tried everything else, perhaps Izzy’s method of tough love would get through, what did they have to lose? Jace could see the anger being to simmer under Alec’s shocked demeanor. His jaw tightened and his eyes squinted, nerves beginning to focus, like a cat tightly sprung, ready to pounce. 

“My life is over Izzy!” Alec suddenly raged, and began thrusting his hands over his face and head, eyes darting everywhere around the room’ “I just can’t believe I’ve been such an idiot. I knew all along and I ignored my instincts, I’m such a fucking idiot! They’ll come after me...oh god...they’ll come after him, what have I done?” The unshed tears shone in Alec’s pleading eyes as Jace looked on, wishing with every fibre of his being that he could take away his friend’s anguish. 

“It’s no ones fault Alec, it doesn't have to be your fault, or his, for god’s sake, why does that even matter? You are an idiot if can’t see the big picture here, what this could mean; No more hiding, no more being trapped in the past!” Izzy pleaded, forcing the momentum of the conversation full steam ahead and ignoring the palpable tension rolling off everyone in the room. Jace stood, dumbstruck, staring from one to the other. Words seldom failed him but the tension caused the hairs on his arm to stand up and his throat to go dry. A single foreign thought ran through his mind, ‘Izzy was right’. Blame was irrelevant now, notoriety was irrelevant now, what really mattered was the potential Magnus represented for Alec, the potential to forgive and, more importantly, forget. Izzy was right! The corners of his mouth began to stir into a smile in Izzy’s direction but all too quickly the gesture was interrupted by Alec’s sudden and volatile reaction.

“What do think you understand?!” He cursed through gritted teeth, “ You swan your way through your so-called life, spending your trust fund like it has an expiry date and panicking if your picture in ‘Hello’ magazine isn’t as big as the week before! Well don’t worry, I’m sure this will mean everything you want it too, my life may be in ruins but you’ll live off this trash for weeks!” Alec’s eyes blazed and his fists clenched tight as his heart pumped the enraged blood through his body. Every ounce of bitterness and resentment concerning Alec’s thoughts about his sister’s meaningless existence came bubbling to the surface in an avalanche of emotion.

The seconds passed but nothing came. The siblings simply stared at each other, neither knowing how to control what they felt in that moment, neither knowing the person that stood directly in front of them. Izzy’s intended empathy had morphed into resentment and bitterness towards the shallow conclusion her brother had reached, and the disappointment glistened in her eyes.

“Iz, he didn’t mean...” Jace pleaded, desperate to correct Alec’s misunderstanding of his sisters goodwill, only to be cut off mid defence.

“I had a dream last night. I dreamt that you too had died in that car crash.” Isabelle’s words, when they eventually found voice, were direct and oddly calm. She stared at Alec without any sibling sensitivity, or human concern, but almost as if trying to look straight through her brother to the room beyond. The breath caught in Alec’s throat as he internalized the harshness of the sentiment but his pride would not allow for any outward motion of distress.

“The strange thing is...” Izzy continued, in barely more than a whisper, as if talking to herself, “...I didn’t feel sad, that is to say my grief had long since passed and all that was left was the same emptiness for your presence in my life that I feel now. You left us a long time ago Alec, and you ask why I cannot feel any sympathy for my brother now, but I don’t really have a big brother any more, I haven’t for a long time. You died all those years ago in that car crash, and then we buried you too. Criticise me all you want for what you perceive as my shallow or attention -seeking lifestyle, but at least I’m living! You left me all alone in that. We used to be a team, you and me versus the world, but then you were gone, and I had to find my way through our hard world on my own.”

Alec stared at his grieving sister in front of him and a betraying tear rolled down over his flushed cheek. He suddenly had no idea of what petty argument had brought them to this impasse and even less of a notion of how to retreat. Neither fight nor flight seemed appropriate and it became painfully clear in that moment that he knew no other way. He dropped to his knees in front of his sister and wrapped his long arms around her legs. Izzy froze for a brief second before gently wrapping her arms around his head and stroking her fingers through his hair. Her grip tightened as she held him through his silent sobs, his body shaking with the tsunami of emotions that were pushing him to breaking point. 

“There is a simple truth in shallow and superficial you know, a surprising amount of clarity and honesty. I know where I stand with most people, what they want from me. But in truth the only person I need to feel wanted by is you Alec. Magnus brought you back to life, brought you back to me, to us. I know you’re afraid, god knows you have every right to be, but sometimes the destination is worth the pain of the journey. Please Alec, I need my big brother back.”


	29. Chapter 29 - Magnus

Chapter 29 - Magnus

Magnus held his head in his hands. Confusion, anger, guilt, sadness, and frustration all course through his body in quick succession, he was emotionally and mentally exhausted. How could this be happening all over again? What the hell was going on? What did Alec mean by risk? Or losing him? How could he fear losing him with one breath and then walk away from him with the next? Surely he was losing him by walking away, how else could Magnus be lost to Alec? One thing Magnus was sure of, he was losing his mind to this man, as he had already lost his heart.

It had been long 3 hours since the confrontation in Alec’s hallway, just enough time for Magnus to go and yell at his manager, cancel all of his remaining commitments for that day, and then grab a cab to Cat’s apartment for some much needed sibling TLC. He now stood by her door, trying to get a handle on himself before he unloaded onto his sister, but truth be told he didn’t know where to start, or how to explain what on earth had happened when he had no clue himself! 

“Magnus, what are you doing here? Why didn't you knock or call, get in here!” Cat cried as she opened the door to leave for work, clearly shocked to see her brother standing there with a look of despair on his face.  
“I’m so sorry Cat, I didn’t know where else to go!” Magnus whispered, launching himself into his sisters arms and holding onto her for dear life. Cat wrapped her hands around her brother and held him equally as tight, stroking his back for comfort. 

She waited until Magnus began to pull away from her and then lead him inside to her cosy living room. She placed him to her couch and then fled to the kitchen to rustled up his favorite blend of hot chocolate in record time, with extra sugar and marshmallows. Once seated next to him she listened intently as he relayed the events of the past 24 hours to her, her hand supportively resting on his leg as the tears trailed down his flushed cheeks. 

“Magnus, enough! I can’t see you go through this anymore, I have something you need to see” Cat said suddenly when Magnus’s voice finally gave out under the weight of his emotions. She grabbed her laptop from her bag and forced it to life. Once her email had opened she clicked her mouse around the inbox until the file she was looking for appeared. On the screen was a media window with what appeared to be old news footage. Magnus scanned the file name for any indication of the source of Cat’s concern and noticed the date on the bottom, 10th June 2007.  
“Cat I’m so tired, what is this?” Magnus said, but Cat did not reply, she simply hit play on the screen and waited...

“18 year old Alexander Lightwood, son of Robert and Maryse Lightwood of the Lightwood Foundation, was released from hospital today following the crash last week which injured two people and claimed the lives of two others. One of the deceased, 18 year old Joshua Cole, was the son of New York Politician Gregory Cole and alleged boyfriend of Mr Lightwood. The couple were travelling home from a night out together in Mr Lightwood’s car in the early hours of 5th June when a motorist, allegedly in pursuit of the couple, collided with their vehicle. The driver of the other vehicle was pronounced dead on arrival at hospital and the passenger, who initially fled the scene, was later apprehended and arrested by the NYPD. In a statement issued by Detective Garroway, the suspect; Mr Sam Fields, a well-known celebrity photographer with multiple convictions for harassment, has been charged in connection with the two deaths.

“Mr Cole was taken off life support and passed away three days following the accident after failing to regain consciousness. Mr Lightwood has since been cleared of any involvement in the deaths, but the incident has once again raised issues surrounding the harassment of celebrities and many have called for changes in the laws relating to personal protection and privacy. The couple were well known to the media and were often followed leaving parties and clubs with their famous friends. Both had recently accepted places at University to begin in the fall. During question time earlier today the Mayor of New York offered his own condolences to the Cole family who have yet to give any statement.

“Robert Lightwood, acting as spokesperson has expressed his deepest sympathy for Mr Cole and his family, and has also pleaded for privacy for his son during this very difficult time.”

Cat closed the file and scanned her brother’s face for his reaction. All Magnus could do was stare at the now blank screen and attempt to process what he had just seen.  
“I thought you should know, did I do the right thing showing it to you?” she said warily.

“How long have you had this?” Magnus said in barely a whisper.  
“A while” she replied after an uncomfortable pause, “When you left for LA you seemed so angry, it wasn’t until you came home that I even thought you still cared about him. One day I found this in my email, it was from his friend Clary. The message just asked for me to show you this, when the time was right, and that it might help you to understand Alec better. But then you guys made up and I figured he’d tell you when she was ready. I’m guessing Alec doesn’t know about this.”

“My God, why didn’t he tell me sooner, why didn’t I know about this?” he whispered.  
“I was thinking the same thing so I’ve been doing a little research. It seems that Alec was quite well known up until about ten years ago. His parents are famous philanthropists and co-founded the Lightwood Family Trust investing in the Arts and other education and social projects. They are absolutely loaded! Alec was quite the ‘it’ guy once upon a time, I found loads of old photos of him and Clary out and about with all these famous people. Then after the accident and the funeral, he just vanished. There are a few pictures of the Lightwood's as a family after that but mostly just his parents and Isabelle, who seems to have taken over as head party-girl! Do you remember her from that night at the club, Clary’s Birthday?” Cat continued as she flicked through a few sites she’d come across in her search. Magnus said nothing as he desperately tried to absorb and make sense of all the information Cat was throwing at him. Cat paused her frantic searching, suddenly aware of her brother’s silence and turned towards him. His face was a mask of turmoil as he stared at the screen.

“I guess Clary wanted to help you understand Alec’s behaviour better, why he’d been so weird about the famous thing. Can you imagine what it must have been like for him!”

“No” Magnus said quietly, his head aching badly from all of the new information he was trying to process.  
“Where are you going?” Cat said, her eyes narrowing in fake suspicion, as Magnus suddenly rose to leave. A ghost of a smile crossed his face and he bent down to kiss her lightly on her cheek, grabbing her car keys in the process.  
“Good luck” Cat shouted as he turned sharply strode briskly out of the door and down the stairs.

*************

The images from the news clip played over and over again in Magnus’s head as he drove towards Alec’s home. The flashing images of a young, happy and vibrant young man intermingled with scenes of men and teen-aged boys carrying a coffin away from a hearse and towards the doors of St Patrick’s Cathedral, all the while photographers and camera men snapping away in the background. But it was the image of the mangled car with its doors missing being lifted off the street and onto a NYPD truck was the most difficult for Magnus to process. He tried to push it away but his memory began to play tricks on him and he started to see flashbacks of the scars he had discovered on Alec’s naked body. A shiver ran down his spine as he turned into Alec’s street and pulled up outside his house once more. His hands suddenly felt very tight on the steering wheel as he tried to figure out what to say when he saw him. He had been so desperate to see him after Cat’s revelation that he hadn’t given any thought as to how to handle the situation. It occurred to him that the last time they’d spoken he’d completely shut down, just when they had started to become close once more. 

He pushed the car door open in anger. ‘I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him do this again’ he thought defiantly to himself, slamming the door behind him and striding up the path towards the house. Magnus raised his hand to press the buzzer on the wall but was taken aback when the front door opened before he’d had a chance.

Jace stood in the open doorway with a look of pure anger and contempt on his face. Magnus’s determination was lost in his confusion as he stared at this complete stranger who, only the day before, he would have called a friend.

“Well, if it isn’t the big movie star, do I need to check to see if any photographers are following?“ Jace asked callously. Magnus’s brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of the hostility emanating from every part of Jace’s being. The larger than life, jovial persona Magnus had first met, and grown fond of, a few short months ago was nowhere to be seen. He had never seen him like this before. He knew how protective Jace was of Alec and how upset he’d been by the photographs of the two of them together, but this response seemed a little over the top.

“What do you want?” Jace continued, even more aggravated by Magnus’s lack of response.  
“I need to see Alec!” was all Magnus could muster, his own tone irritated now by Jace’s aggression, “...what’s it to you anyway?!”

Suddenly Jace looked infuriated. His shoulders squared and his lips pursed into a long harsh line on his reddening face. Magnus’s own mouth dropped open slightly and he felt his pulse quicken as if waiting for a bomb to go off. Jace’s mouth moved to speak, or shout again, but another voice cut him off before it had the chance.

“He’s not here Magnus” came a calmer female voice from behind the smoking incendiary that was Jace. Clary, previously obscured by Jace’s significant presence, stepped to the frame to form a human barrier in the wide doorway. Her face was pale and empty, displaying neither the anger Jace had displayed nor the warmth he had felt each time he’d seen her in the past. She looked tired and defeated somehow, as if recovering from a great shock and she put a reassuring arm around Jace.

“What’s going on?” Magnus said resolutely, but unable to fully mask the fear building in the pit of his stomach, “Cat showed me what you sent to her Clary.”

“You’d better come in” she replied quietly and turned her head to look at Jace who was now staring at her in disbelief. He sighed loudly and turned away, striding towards the door to his apartment without a backward glance in Magnus’s direction. Clary’s head dropped slightly before she looked again towards Magnus and gestured for him to follow her inside. 

Magnus half tripped on the doorstep in his hurry to go after her but she didn’t seem to notice. She rounded the door into Jace’s flat and headed for the sitting room with the large bay window. Magnus walked in and saw Jace standing by the fireplace, facing away from the door, his seriousness a stark contrast to the last time he was in this very room.

“We’re telling you the truth Magnus, he’s not here” Clary sighed, the despondency in her voice elevating Magnus’s already heightened sense of panic.

“Then where is he? And why the hell are you two acting like crazy people!?!” Magnus snapped, now positive that Clary and Jace were hiding something he ought to know.

Clary’s eyes widened for the briefest of seconds before turning to meet Jace’s icy stare.  
“It’s not all his fault you know. We both pushed Alec to get out more, meet new people, away from that damned ER. Even when history seemed to be repeating itself, we still pushed.” Magnus’s eyes darted in between Clary and Jace, confounded by Clary’s words. Jace was still staring angrily at Clary but seemed unable to form words, defiant or otherwise.

“So your sister got my email?” Clary interjected bluntly, ignoring Jace’s dagger stares, his eyes now bulging to the point of popping out of his inflamed head.  
“What email?” He managed, albeit through gritted teeth.  
“Yes” Magnus replied sharply, also ignoring Jace’s response.  
“So you understand now, why he is how he is, why he freaked out when he found out about your celebrity, especially when you two were photographed together?” Clary’s words were uncompromising, but her voice reassuring somehow.  
“Yes, I guess, I’m just trying to put it all together” Magnus stumbled, the desperation for answers disconnecting his thoughts.

“Clary, he’s going to kill you when he finds out!” Jace finally interrupted. A blunt sneer was now formed on his lips but did not reach his still angry eyes. He brought his large hands up to his face and rubbed it harshly, as if recovering from some long and arduous journey. Clary stepped towards him until she was only inches away and placed her hand supportively on his forearm. 

“Jace, I had to do something, you saw how upset he was after Magnus left for LA, but you also know he’s far to pig-headed to admit it!. It was killing us all to see him surviving day to day, alone and untouchable, that’s not living. We all did what we thought would help, whether he likes it or not!”  
“You should have minded your own business, we all should have, at least then he would have been safe!” Jace reacted, pulling his hands away from his face again. His voice was defeated and he raised his head in Magnus’s direction once more and stared at him stoically.  
“Perhaps” said Clary quietly, looking away, quickly wiping a stray tear from her face.

“You did the right thing Clary. I wouldn’t be here if I didn't care deeply for Alec and want to help him, to be there for him. I just...I need to talk to him, now!” Magnus pleaded suddenly, louder than even he intended. He noted the looks passing between the two friends and the fear increased ten-fold. Anger, concern, guilt, regret, hesitation...

After a long pause Clary finally broke the deadlock and turned to face Magnus square on. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders, steadfast in her decision.

“He always does this,” she began in a resolute tone, “works even harder and longer than usual when things get to intense for him, it’s kind of his hiding place, that hospital. After he saw you he got into a bad fight with Izzy too, he was so freaked out that I don’t think he slept at all that night, but he went in to work anyway. They told us he looked like death on his feet, and on top of that people were asking him personal questions, about the two of you. About mid-shift he was treating some drunk girl who’d apparently been in a fight. The girl recognised Alec from that picture and started taunting him...”

Clary’s voice cracked as her determination waned, and she glanced once more towards Jace who closed his eyes and gave her a nod of support.

“So Alec snapped at her,” Jace continued, by now just as resolved to try to fix what he too had played a part in breaking, “From all accounts Alec was just asking her to be quiet so he could sew the little bitch back together. That’s when the girl pulled the knife...”

Magnus felt like he was going to throw up. His hands clenched into ice cold fists as he fought to catch his breath. The room was deadly silent as the information seeped into his brain like poison, arresting his senses and his limbs alike.

“He’s ok Magnus, a dozen or so stitches but no major tissue damage, but he’s very shaken. Plus he’ll have to get tested for any contaminations from the knife”. Jace was still speaking but Magnus barely heard him. His legs suddenly buckled with the mixture of shock and disbelief and he collapsed down onto the waiting sofa. Alec was hurt because of him, Alec could have died because of him. In that moment everything fell into sharp and agonising focus. In Alec’s mind Josh had died because of him, maybe not directly by his hand, but he was the catalyst, the flame that the moths were drawn to, that flame that had ultimately burned his life down around him.

‘He was right all along’ he thought to himself over and over again, “it’s all my fault.”  
“Our hands are all dirty Magnus, but we only wanted the best for him. My question is do you? And if so, where do we go from here?” Magnus stared at Jace as his mind worked overtime to process what was happening inside and around him.  
“I love him Jace” it was the only truth he had, the only simple thing in this whole complicated mess. The anger seemed to drain away from Jace and he glanced at Clary whose tears were now readily and silently falling down her face.

“There’s something I need to do, or perhaps you could for me?” she continued her demeanour showing none of the indecision or unease of earlier. Without waiting for an answer she walked to the corner of the room and lifted an overnight bag off the floor and placed it at Magnus’s feet. Then she produced a small piece of paper and handed it to him. “Deliver this for me?” One second he was glancing down at the scribbled address and the next he was on his feet once again, adrenaline burning it’s way through the poison lingering in his veins.


	30. Chapter 30 - Alec

Chapter 30 - Alec

Alec sat alone in his favourite room of his parent’s house. The small study had been fitted out with floor-to-ceiling glass fronted bookcases to house his mother’s beloved collection of rare and antique novels. The fragility of the works meant that the room had an unvarying artificial climate and limited natural light, both of which made it the ideal sanctuary to shut oneself away and hibernate from the outside world. Alec felt some semblance of peace among the first editions of Charles Dickens, Thomas Hardy and Oscar Wilde and the many other pioneering writers who were not afraid of who they were or to expose the darker underbelly of the society they lived in. Even as a child, while his mother read him the stories of Elizabeth Bennett or Holden Caulfield, Alec had aspired to emulate his heroes in their adventures, their independent spirits inspiring him towards a bold and virtuous life.

Now, besides the dull ache in his bandaged arm, Alec felt nothing except shame and disillusionment. Unlike most, he could pinpoint the exact moment when the audacious and ambitious child in him had died; when his innocence was forever lost, along with the love of his young life. Despite this loss, Alec had managed to forge a successful career and close relationships with friends that satisfied his human need for connection, or so he thought. But then, someone had come along and quite literally turned his world upside down. His carefully cultivated existence, within which he’d learned to cope with life again, had been unbalanced and then his precious anonymity, which had been his refuge for so long, had been ripped away from him by one simple invasion of privacy. 

He had tried to push Magnus away, tried to move on from him, tried to protect him, but nothing had worked. In the end it was one simple fact that negated all the rest, Alec loved him desperately. 

Everyone else seemed to become aware of this this before he did, but for so long he would not admit it to himself, he knew that now. He could only deduce that the feelings he had were so confusing that he’d mistaken them for fear or guilt-ridden grief. He thought he would never love anyone again after Josh, but now it further tormented him to consider that what he felt now was far more powerful and all-consuming. 

Alec smiled condescendingly to himself at his own pathetic state and ran his hand over the bandage covering his swollen arm. Even with the faintest of touches the pain shot through him in spasm. His face contorted involuntarily and he slumped down on the sofa behind him with a heavy sigh of physical, emotional and spiritual pain. 

Against the advice of his friends and colleagues, Alec had chosen to discharge himself from the very hospital in which he worked as soon as his arm had been sewn back together. He had taken on board the fact that, after such a trauma and moderate blood loss, he himself would have advised a patient to stay at least one night for observation. But the added humiliation on top of the already heightened attention was too much for him to bear. 

It seemed like the whole hospital was buzzing with shock at this latest piece of gossip. With such a large and varied workforce the staff rooms and canteens were always humming with fresh rumours of extra-marital flings and medical misconducts. However, nothing had ever roused the interests of even the most lacklustre employee like the news of the most private and antisocial doctor in the hospital allegedly dating the one of the biggest movie stars of the moment. Everyone was talking about it and the claustrophobia of the constant stares and whispers was excruciating for Alec.

Sebastian Morgenstern, no doubt still slightly aggrieved by Alec’s rejection of his affections, took great delight in recalling to everyone who would listen his own tale of the ‘date’ he had witnessed between Alec and Magnus in the bar all those weeks ago, and never had any shortage of eager listeners. To the casual observer even Alec had to admit that it looked like he had been stringing Sebastian along whilst his other lover was away. However Dr Morganstern did seem to overly relish this opportunity to exact his revenge for being dumped at such short notice and embezzled his account more as the day wore on. But none of this behaviour, malicious or otherwise, excused Alec’s actions that had completely obliterated his cherished reputation as well as directly resulted in his injury.

In his mind, Alec had gone over the attack many times to see how he could have behaved more professionally and prevented an already distressing situation from becoming far worse. From the stench of stale beer, that saturated the air as soon as he drew back the blue curtain of the cubicle, his patient was obviously drunk. The cuts to her hands and face were tell-tale bar-brawl wounds and her body-language screamed hostility. 

Always the professional, Alec had begun the usual way, introducing himself and asking what had happened before explaining about x-rays and stitches and pain killers etc. But then the penny dropped. The girl, who until that moment had stared back at her doctor with nothing but disdain, suddenly focused her eyes. The girls alcohol soaked brain had taken a few minutes to place his face but now she grinned at Alec moronically and waved her finger at him in recognition.

“You’re him!” She said, giggling and pointing. Alec continued his sentence about the dangers of painkillers, antibiotics and alcohol, ignoring the girls chuckles of delight and praying for the orderly to arrive with the wheelchair to take her to radiology. The girl, however, seemed far too concerned with Alec’s well-publicised love-life that to worry about her own treatment.

“You’re the one getting on to on with Magnus Bane aren’t you! He any good then?” The girl sneered, her foul yellow grin emphasising the malice not so hidden with the question. Alec clenched his teeth and ripped off his examination gloves to show his growing contempt for the girls’ lack of respect for his privacy or his capacity as her doctor.

“Only my friend said she read that he’s a right pussy in real life, right up his own arse if you ask me, but I guess you’d know all about that right?!” she continued, obviously amused at Alec’s irritation and embarrassment as well as her own wit.

“Oh shut up and just let me treat you!” Alec snapped, suddenly livid the girls insults.

“You shut the fuck up, fag!” the girl hurled back, her eyes now blazing with drunken rage and misdirected hatred. Alec’s stance waived in shock at the ferocity of the reply and he raised his arm to look down at his watch and hide his unease.

“Stuck up prick!” the girl yelled again and slammed her hand down upon Alec’s outstretched arm. 

He saw the blade glint briefly in the harsh artificial light of the room. It flashed at her like the grin of an unrepentant killer stalking its next victim, sneering at him. He instinctively gasped but there was no scream of terror, no fight or flight. No impulse for self-preservation remained and secretly a very, very small part of him had welcomed it. His life up to this point, he mused in that fleeting moment, had simply been made up of a series of random events, and so a random act of violence seemed a befitting way to end it...

Alec pulled away automatically and heard a muffled ripping sound. Suddenly his arm was on fire with pain and, for the first time ever, he felt woozy at the sight of the thick crimson blood oozing along his pale arm and spilling onto the floor. Alec heard the clattering sound from behind him and then another, duller, pain in the small of his back as he fell backwards against the triage tray and onto the small chest of drawers next to the bed. The commotion compelled a passing nurse to pull back the curtain. The movement startled the girl and she darted off the bed. The nurse was flung backwards into the hallway as the girl hurled past her in blind panic. Alec cradled his arm on the floor like a sick child and let his head fall back against the corner of the drawers. Numb to the further chaos that was erupting around him, he barely heard the calls for help from the other stunned member of staff...

The sound of the doorbell chiming suddenly jolted Alec out of his memory but the abrupt movement made him wince in pain once more from his newly stitched arm. He heard Hodge, the head of the family’s small contingent of household staff, walk past the library and towards the front door. He stood up from the sofa and walked towards the only window in the room which looked over the vast garden of the property. The distraction of the visitor quickly left his mind as he starred out trying to ignore the throbbing again when a knocking sounded at the door to the study.

“Alexander, I’m sorry to bother you, but you have a visitor” Hodge called quietly from behind the door. Alec sighed loudly but didn’t reply.  
“I know you didn’t want to be disturbed sir, but I’m afraid he is rather insistent,” He continued, clearing his throat in embarrassment.

“I’m coming” Alec replied apathetically, too tired to argue anyway. He heard Cooper walk away again and another set of obviously male footsteps approach the door. 

“Come in Jace” he said presumptuously, who else knew, or indeed cared about where he was.


	31. Chapter 31 - Magnus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huge apologies for the delay in continuing with this story. Life got in the way and I did't want to come back to it until I could give it the attention it deserved. Thanks you for all of your kind messages and kudos, it really is the most heartwarming feeling to get appreciation for something you love to do. Happy reading, and more to follow... :-) xxx

Chapter 31 - Magnus

Magnus pushed the door back and stood motionless in the open doorway, staring at Alec and his bandaged arm in horror. The opulence of the room he was now faced with or the treasures within were entirely lost on him as he tried to control the overwhelming rage he felt towards Alec’s faceless attacker that was bubbling inside of him.

All the way from Alec’s house Magnus had tried to come up with a plan of what he would say, how he would deal with Alec, and what he might expect from him in return. But all thoughts and wisdom suddenly vacated his logical brain and he felt his heart shatter for the man stood wide-eyed before him.

“Magnus! What are you...how...how did you know where I was?” Alec asked quietly once the initial shock had subsided.   
“I went to your home, Clary was there and she told me about what happened. I forced her to tell me where you were.“ Magnus’s voice growled in a potent mixture of anger and worry. Alec stared back at him, stunned by this severe and dominant manner of his address, unable to speak. Magnus closed the door behind him and moved slowly towards his lover until he was standing just feet away. Staring directly into his eyes his face relaxed slightly, but the shadow of determination and anger still remained and he made no attempt to touch him.

A long silence passed between them as Magnus summoned up the fortitude for what he needed to ask of Alec. Everything else at that point was irrelevant. The chaotic mixture of confusion and anger inside of him was manifesting itself physically as the nausea grew in his gut, but he steadied himself and made ready for the consequences. This night would either draw them together indefinitely or tear them apart irrevocably.

“I want to help you Alec, tell me everything, tell me about Josh, tell me about the accident,” he said, merely in a whisper, all the while scanning Alec’s face for his reaction. The blood drained from Alec’s face and he move to involuntarily turn away from Magnus. But Magnus caught his arm and gently held him firmly in front of him. “No more hiding from me Alec, I’m here for you, I’m not going anywhere, let me in.”

Alec stared into Magnus’ eyes as if his life depended on it. His head shook slightly in disbelief but Magnus stood his ground. After what felt like a lifetime Alec’s shoulders slumped and his eyes dropped to the floor as he nodded. 

“Ok” Alec whispered.  
“Ok?” Magnus replied, his voice tinged with worry and a hint of hope.  
“Yeah”. Alec moved an sat once more on the ornate sofa, perched only on the edge, his stance mirroring his mental state. Magnus moved to sit at the end of the same chair, close enough to reach out to touch Alec but far enough to allow his the space he might also need. He placed one hand onto arms of the chair as if a hurricane was threatening to pull him from it. It took all of his strength and single-mindedness not to leap from to his feet and pull Alec in his arms. He cared nothing for his own curiosity or feelings anymore as he watched Alec tear himself apart in order to finally be honest with him. But something inside of him commanded him to sit silently and hear him out.


	32. Chapter 32 - Alec

Chapter 32 - Alec

An involuntary breath caught sharply in Alec’s throat as the words stabbed into him like the knife. The turmoil and anguish of hearing Magnus say that name aloud reflected in his face too. However, he recovered quickly as his disbelief turned to anger. Clary had apparently exposed his secrets as well as his location, and Magnus was now demanding more from him. Alec’s jaw clenched and he scrunched his eyes shut to push away the invading moisture

“...tell me about Josh...” Magnus pleaded, unyielding to Alec’s silence and unwilling to allow the opportunity to pass unresolved. His face was a now a mask of sympathy and love and Alec turned towards the window and stared out into the rain, unable to control his conflicting emotions.   
“No more hiding...” He continued, in no more than a compassionate whisper now. 

Alec let his head fall towards the floor as he swallowed again to ease the burning in his throat and closed her eyes. ‘This is it, no more hiding, either tell the truth or walk away for good.’ he thought to himself, trying his utmost to control the self-protective, dominant side of him. He turned to look at Magnus and saw nothing but love and concern in his beautiful brown eyes. 

He finally let all of his carefully constructed barriers fall away and it all came back like it was yesterday. He composed himself and nodded to Magnus. Finally resolved, he walked past him and sat at the nearest sofa. Magnus followed Alec to the sofa and sat facing him at the other end, all the while maintaining a respectful distance. He said nothing as he waited.

“That night was nothing special, just another post-finals celebration with the usual crowd. The venue was intentionally trendy. Most of us quite enjoyed the attention from the media at the time so we sought out the coolest hang-outs where we knew there would be press. Josh, as usual, got bored early on and wanted to leave so we could go apartment hunting again in the morning. I hadn’t been drinking as it was my night to drive so I grabbed my things, I said my reluctant goodbyes and headed out. By that point we kind of knew most of the photographers by name and which ones were friendlier than others. But Josh spied one of the nastier ones so we made a point of getting to the car fast, pushing right past him and sped off towards home. It didn’t occur to me until later, after, what it must have looked like to him, the two of us speeding off into the night, way too early to be going home.”

Alec turned away from Magnus and lowered his eyes as he felt the familiar sting in his throat. His jaw clenched once again as he forced back the growing despair, determined to tell his version of story and be totally honest with Magnus for the first time. Magnus sat still and alert. Alec wanted so much for Maguns to touch him in some way for comfort, but something in him held back from reaching out. He was finally opening up and he daren’t move in case his resolve slipped once more. He took a deep breath...

“Everything was suddenly very still and quiet, no more screeching tyres or scraping metal. After a few moments the dizziness passed enough for me to notice that my head hurt and I could taste blood. I don’t know whether it was shock or injury but I couldn’t move at first, all I could do was concentrate on breathing and fighting the urge to throw up. That’s when I heard movement from outside. Someone was opening a car door close by but the door seemed to creak and crack in protest. Whoever was inside sounded like they fell rather than stepped out of the car. That’s when I turned my head to the right, that’s when I saw Josh. He was covered in blood and slumped forward in an unnatural way, not moving. I screamed his name again and again, still not able to make my own limbs work. I called louder and louder trying to wake his up but he never moved even a little. I started yelling for help and and that’s when I saw the other guy. He’d pulled himself up from the road and was staring straight back at me.

“His eyes darted from me to Josh and I saw the panic set-in. I thought he was going to help us but he just turned and ran away stumbling, looking back he didn’t even check to see if his own passenger was hurt, but from all accounts he didn’t stand a chance.

“Something in me triggered when I realised we were all alone. I began struggling with my seat belt but it was jammed and I couldn’t make my legs move to try to crawl out. Josh was still breathing, or at least I thought he was and so stupidly I removed his seat-belt, grabbed him and tried to shake him to make him wake him up. He just fell limply sideways onto my legs. The blood from his head began to pool in my lap, warming my numb legs and I just stroked his hair like he was sleeping. I don’t even remember blinking, I just watched him. I think even then I knew he was slipping further and further away from me, and I felt myself slipping too, wishing with all I had to go with him.

“A passing biker stopped and found us. I don’t remember much after that, just the stranger’s calming but muffled voice as he tried to keep me awake and then the sounds of more crunching metal and flashing lights. From all accounts I was drifting in and out of consciousness, unaware that I too was bleeding heavily. The only really clear thing I remember about the stranger that night is what he was saying to me over and over, ‘you’re not on your own, I’m here, you’re not alone’, I think I held onto that, I don’t know why. 

“By far the worst part though was when then lifted Josh off me, the feeling as my legs went cold and empty, and knowing in my gut that I’d never feel his warmth again. That was when I began to feel completely lost, with my anger and guilt being the only things left to cling onto.

“I don’t even remember much pain really, not even when they pinned and sewed my leg back together, not even when they told me that there was nothing they could do, and that Josh had gone. There were moments when I’d forget, but then I was just empty, and then it would just coming crashing down on me again when I remembered. It didn’t matter what anyone said, not my parents, his parents, the police or the doctors, I knew I’d killed him, if not by my own hand then he’d died as a direct result of being part of my crazy life. It was the total annihilation of me. But the guilt was something I could cling to, something other than the black abyss of nothing at all.”

Alec stared vacantly as if falling deep into the past trying to cling onto something or someone long forgotten. After a moment of silence Magnus shifted his weight. The movement in his peripheral vision jolted Alec back to the present but the weight of his memories threatened to crush him. He wanted so desperately to look at Magnus, to find that familiar anaesthetic in his eyes and lose himself in their depths. But the shame and guilt coursed through him like cyanide, threatening to pull him back into the safety and sterility of the emotional box he’d been living in for the last ten years. He shivered as he contemplated the hollowness of his existence in the years following the loss of his beloved Josh, the extent of which he’d never fully comprehended until contrasted with his life with Magnus.

Pulling his mind away from the brink, Alec focused, trying to find another source of strength with which could continue his story. He owed Magnus so much, but first he owed him the truth. Without being able to bring himself to look at him, Alec tried to picture Magnus’s face in his mind, to concentrate on it to give him the motivation he so desperately needed. But his memory seemed to have other ideas and a different set of features began to dominate his internal vision. 

Josh’s face became as clear and gentle as the one sat beside him. His smile encouraged Alec to open his memory a little wider and he began to recall things that he had not let cross his mind for years. The pressure in his veins eased as the thoughts of Josh began to warm rather than deaden him further. Happy, trouble-free memories of their time together began to soften the edges of the darkness and restored his fortitude. Alee took a deep breath and readied himself to finally answer Magnuss incalculably complicated if seemingly simple question.

“Josh was wonderful. He was almost the exact opposite of me, but for some reason he wanted to be with me. He was quiet and soulful and was always at his happiest when we’d lie for hours on his bed together kissing and listening to his dad’s old jazz LP’s. My life, back then, was much wilder though and he just accepted that being with me meant long nights at parties every other night of the week. Unfortunately, his father’s high profile together with my family name and reputation were gold dust to the press and we were photographed everywhere we went, much to his unease. The papers that week had even somehow invented that we were engaged, or about to be, and so the stakes were raised even higher.

“The media coverage of the accident and the funeral was brutal and I thought I was going crazy. I left for university a couple of months later, as soon as I could convince my parents that I was recovered enough and that was what I needed. I dyed my hair and even registered under a different name after speaking with the Dean. I threw myself into studying and cut all ties with my old life, with the exception of a few close friends. College became my salvation, or my hiding place, depending on how honest I am being with myself. The more difficult or demanding the workload became the more I enjoyed it as it left little time for thinking about anything else. 

“After a while people stopped caring about what had happened and I disappeared from radar. Medicine became my life, and even provided me with a small amount of redemption. For the past ten years I have consciously avoided anything that could dredge up the past or make me any part of that circus again. I know Izzy is disappointed in me for abandoning or being embarrassed by my family, in public at least, because of the role they play in society, but I don’t care, I was content in my little bubble.”

Alec stood up, and walked away from Magnus towards the bookcases once more. He paused as he noted the exquisite first edition of Pride and Prejudice in front of him on the shelf and sighed. ‘More Mr Darcy than Miss Bennett after all’, he thought to himself appallingly as he turned to face him again.

“And then you come along and everything changed. You made me think about something other than work, on good days and bad. You helped me realise I could enjoy myself without feeling guilty for it. You’re the reason I finally accepted that, maybe what happened to Josh, wasn’t entirely my fault.” Alec’s voice broke on the last word.

Magnus stood up suddenly and strode over to stand directly in front of Alec. His face was not six inches from his as he raised his hand and gently stroked Alec’s cheek. Instinctively Alec recoiled but Magnus was ready this time. His free hand came up instantly and held his face securely as he stared into his anxious eyes. 

“You’re not alone, and you never will be again, Alec I love you” Magnus whispered, a slightly mocking grin on his face. No other words in the English language could have had quite the same effect on Alec’s frame of mind in that instant. There was nothing else that needed to be said, no more explanations or recriminations or excuses. Magnus made no claim to fully understand what had gone before, all he did was listen completely and try to understand what had happen. He knew him, he loved him.

Alec brought his good arm up and pulled Magnus in until their foreheads were touching.  
“There’s such a high price for what you do, one I’ve already paid once. I don’t know how to be not afraid anymore, I can’t lose you too...” Alec’s voice crack on the last words.  
“It won’t be like that, we’ll work it out together. Other people make it work, even under the hardest of circumstances. But I’m willing to fight for us, I’m willing to do what it takes for us to be together, to make you feel safe and loved for the rest of your life, if you’ll let me Alec.”

Magnus’s voice was nothing like Alec had heard before. Pure love and determination filled the small space between them and seeped into Alec’s soul. In all his time studying medicine Alec had never come across this phenomenon. How was it possible for one person to physically and emotionally share their strength with another? Yet here they were, connected by touch and love, and Alec could feel Magnus’s strength and courage flowing through him.

“I love you too Magnus” Alec sobbed though the small and resigned smile that suddenly lit up his face. He pulled Magnus even closer and crashed their lips together in a hurricane of love that instantly tore through all his his latent despair and heartache. Their kiss slow as he felt his soul mending piece by fractured piece. One love had destroyed him, but another had come along to save him. They finally broke apart, both gasping for air, and looked into each other's eyes. Alec pulled back slightly as Magnus’s face came back into focus. In front of him he saw his future in Magnus’s face, in his mind's eye he saw Josh’s face once more, smiling his carefree and gentle smile, and Alec was happy.

His good hand instinctively moved to his neck and closed around the pendant hanging there.   
“Josh gave me this the day after I found out I’d been accepted into pre-med, he was so proud of me and so happy that we’d be going off to college together. He was so thoughtful and generous, always surprising me with tokens or gestures. This was the last thing he ever gave me. Would you mind helping me with the clasp?”

Magnus nodded and helped Alec out of the chain that held the precious gold pendant. He placed it gently into Alec’s outstretched hand and watch as he closed his eyes and pressed his lips to it. Alec then moved away from Magnus and stood. He walked over to one of the ornate large wooden and glass cabinets that housed his family’s most prized and personal possessions. Magnus stood and came to stand behind him. Alec gently laid the pendant and chain down towards the rear of one of the glass shelves and it shone under the lights in the display case. He closed the glass door and away turned to face Magnus. Although priceless, the token only served to remind Alec of his past, something to cherish and remember, but no longer to live under the weight of. Whereas the man now in front of him was him future.


End file.
